journeying toward health... or something..

I miss running!!!!

Sprained ankle, school, work, stress... it doesn't seem to ever end. Fortunately, I have gotten myself back in the gym and have gotten myself to move my body again. I haven't really run though. I mean, my new trainer had me run once on the treadmill for like ten minutes, but I guess that does not really count.

I thought about running today... and yesterday... but I just haven't done it. I feel like I'm scared. That doesn't make sense though. My ankle feels so much better than it did- though not 100%. I haven't had to take pain meds regularly... I can walk without much limping. I just feel generally better than I have in months. Yet, I can't bring myself to run. Maybe it's just a barrier that I need to work through, I don't know.

I'm pleased with my progress though. I've used the bike, the stair machine, the pool, and lots and lots of weight machines. My body is starting to look a little bit better and it has only been a few weeks. I guess that it doesn't always take much... just a little effort. My concern is that I may get too comfortable with my way of life and quit working out. Hopefully that doesn't end up being the case. What is important is to make health a part of my identity rather than a habit. I'm not sure how to go about doing that, but I'm trying, I guess. I've been trying to sort out my identity for a while now. Trying to figure out who I am has proven to be one of the more difficult tasks that I've set myself up for. It's just going to take a lot of time. I know that one thing that I really want is to be healthy. That's what I'm working toward. It's been a really long journey thus far, though.

Well, the goal for the next few weeks is to actually run a few miles again. I think I really need it both for my psyche and for my training. Ha. Naturally, as a perfectionist, I have a number of goals that I need to strive for.