Finally getting my groove back

Today, I ran.
I feel like I should be proud of my accomplishment, considering what a hectic few weeks that I've had. So I am a little proud. At the same time, I'm somewhat disappointed that I have taken way too much time off of running lately.

There's no purpose to beating myself up about it, though.

Today, I did ten miles. My goal was somewhere between 9 and 15, but I had a late start, so I sorta knew that 15 was out of the picture. I really don't want to kill myself with running before two weeks of races, also. (Whose idea was that...?!)

My ten miles went really well. I did about 6.5 of them with Katherine and the rest by myself. She caught up with me after she got home from work and changed. My legs felt awesome until the last mile or so, then I started to get worn out. I'm a little concerned about that, considering Chicago is less than two weeks away. I just have to keep pushing it and thinking positive thoughts. Racing feels a lot different than training for some reason. Too often, training runs feel like they drag on endlessly.

I've also noticed that I've started getting really hungry. All of the time. It started at about the time that I started kicking up my training in late June and early July. I'm not sure if it is normal or not. I guess that it probably is a normal thing when training so many hours per week. I just need to start focusing on eating correctly rather than constantly consuming crappy food. I have weight I want to lose and I want my body to be at it's best. That's my goal. I'm tired of being stuck in the same weight range, when I know that I have another 20 pounds to lose.

I've signed up for this year's Triathlon Challenge. It's an October month long challenge through the UCF gym to try to complete an Ironman distance race within the month of October. I did it last year and the bike was REALLY tough. I'm toying with the idea of doing a triathlon in Indiana next summer, so I think this will help me get my head on straight. I also think I can do it a little bit more successfully than I did last year. 

Anyways. Ten miles today in the books. Lots of fun. Good run for once. Back at it tomorrow.

Goal: 1000 miles/366 days

So far: 621.01 miles/268 days

To go: 378.99 miles/98 days

Long run day again. 15 miles.

This is (was) my first long run day in a couple of weeks! I was scheduled 15 miles, which didn't really feel awful when I thought about it.

Unfortunately, I didn't get off of work until late last night (or early this morning). Because of that, I overslept this morning.. and didn't get up until after 11. I hate that. I wake up frustrated and annoyed when I oversleep, especially when I'm supposed to have a long run. Katherine was off work today, so we planned to run together. We waited until a little after 2 to leave, knowing that some rain was coming in. We hoped that the rain would cool us off (and hopefully the weather too!).

The first two and a half miles were really warm, almost miserably so. It started raining when we were almost to mile 3. It came down pretty hard, so we ran to Walgreen's to hide out for a little bit. When it looked like it was slowing down, we continued forward. Then it started pouring again. That time we didn't have anywhere to hide out, so we just kept going.

After the rain finally stopped, the weather had cooled down quite a bit, too. That was nice. We ended up running the 15 miles in about 3:50, which is a slower pace than I would have liked, but wasn't terrible for a long slow run day. I won't say that I'm not a little disappointed, because I am. I know that I can run at a faster pace. I'm still trying to figure out why it's so tough to get myself faster during training runs. I guess it's just something that I need to work on.. push myself a little more or something.

I'm trying to take off a little bit more weight before Chicago. I want to be at a decent race weight. I know that I'm four weeks away from the race tomorrow, but I think that I can lose another 5-8 pounds in that time. I'm working on eating right. (except last night when I picked up fast food on the way home from work. ugh.) It's crazy hot Chicago is on my mind all of the time.

Anyyyyways... I guess that's all I have to say about today. haha.
(I'm so close to 600 miles!)

Goal: 1000 miles/366 days
So far: 580.1 miles/252 days
To go: 419.9 miles/114 days

blurring the line

I had a conversation with Katherine the other day. It was a conversation I never really thought that I would have with anybody. Ever. I was getting changed into my pajamas and looked at myself in the mirror. (If you know me well, you know that I RARELY look at myself in the mirror. Self-esteem issues...) The conversation went like this:

Me: Hey Kath!
Kath: What? (frantically. I might have yelled a little. ha.)
Me: Look! My stomach is almost flat now!
Kath: Yup, it is.

It seems sort of silly, but it was a big moment for me. I've been fat. I've been obese. I've been embarassed by my body and have bought lots of loose t-shirts to hide it. I've untagged myself in photo after photo on Facebook. I've almost been in hiding, in a sense. It's been about three and a half yaers since I started losing weight, first through Weight Watchers, then through running. (The running has stuck a lot longer than the Weight Watchers.) I even strength train now.

I've lost a lot of weight. A lot. My body is not where I want it to be. But it's closer. I'm glad that I have a lot of pictures of me as I've lost weight in order to show myself the process. It's hard to have those pictures, me showing my body in a way that I'd never show an actual human being. But they're saved on my computer and I can look at them when I need to. I'm not obese anymore. I'm almost into a normal weight range, according to my BMI. It's amazing.


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Anyways, I ran again today.
My legs are burning. Like crazy. But I did it.
It wasn't a long run, but I'm glad I'm back out there. My training plan for Chicago starts in a few days. I'm going to actually try to follow a plan for the first time ever. I want to get myself to where I want to be. I'm tired of waiting around for things to happen. I want to make them happen. Something in me has changed in the last few weeks. It's more than running.

This is my life. I need to be happy. I can't sit around and wait to be happy. I have to seek it out. I thought I was getting happy, but maybe that happiness was dependent on the approval and support of others. I need it to be dependent on me. That's part of why I run. It's independent. It's who I am.

...that's also why I write.

I'm afraid that in the coming weeks, I'm going to have a major life transformation moment and that this blog will become blurred. A blur of running and writing, those lives and my private life.. the life I keep to myself. I'm not sure how to handle that.

But yes. Today was a little over five miles. I'm pleased.

Goal: 1000 miles/366 days
So far: 238.58 miles/167 days
To go: 761.42 miles/199 days

February recap. and I'm back on the bandwagon.

This is going to be a two part update. First, I need to talk about my February running, then I'll write about today's run. Woo hoo!!

February was not my best running month. I'm still trying to figure out at what point I fell off of the wagon. I had a great January, but then some things just collapsed coming into February. I know I had some tests and papers due, but that's really no excuse. I guess that I just didn't do a good job, but there is still opportunity.

I ran two 5ks and a half marathon in February. It seems like most of my mileage ended up coming from races for the month and that I really only ran a few times on my own. Frustrating. I was talking to Katherine about it today and I feel committed to making March a really good month, getting plenty of mileage in. I'm excited that I've been able to stick with it so far, though, keeping my mileage somewhat close to what it should be.

I am definitely looking forward to the sun being out later and being able to have more time for an outdoor run in the late-ish afternoons. Yipee!

So my total mileage for February was...... 45.9. Not so good. :( I guess that's okay. There is still time to hit my goal this year.

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Today, Kath and I went out for a run, even though I'm starting to feel a little sick. I'm super congested and my head is heavy. I had started to have some pretty intense sneezing, which sucks, but I still went out and ran with Kath. That was good, I guess. We did our usual route- out through the park near our apartment and back, which is a little under 6.5 miles.

I feel like I did a decent job pacing myself. We stayed under 15 minute miles the entire time, which was great because I didn't feel well and Katherine and I tend to be chatty and not run as quickly as we would by ourselves or during a race. I pushed myself decently hard- not so hard that I collapsed when I got home, but hard enough where I felt challenged through the whole time. That was fabulous. I wish we would have gone a little further, but there's only so much a person can do when feeling sick-ish.

My goal this week (spring break yeah!!) is to get a lot of mileage in. I need to get myself better prepared for races, because there's one in Jacksonville at the end of the month that Katherine and I are pretty set on doing. I'd like to PR again, because last time I raced in Jacksonville, I smashed my PR at the time, and I think I could do it again.

My body has really been responding to my workouts lately. I've taken off a lot of weight in the last few weeks, which is exciting, but also makes me worried. Last time I lost weight this fast was when I first started Weight Watchers three years ago, but I hit a plateau after the first few months of that. Hopefully I can stick to good choices this time. I gave up fast food for lent, so that's making an impact, too. I definitely want to have the healthiest lifestyle that I can.

Anyways, yeah... I ran today with Katherine. It was fun. The end.

Goal: 1000 miles/366 days
So far: 162.34/64 days
To go: 837.66 miles/302 days

running has been a weight off my shoulders...

Good gracious, my body hurts today. I expected to be sore after 10+ hours of work yesterday combined with some exercise and an abundance of stress. However, I didn't expect to be in so much pain. I'm reminded of some of the pain that I was in a few years ago when I weighed 20 pounds more than I do now. I do know that there is still weight that needs to be lost and that I'm definitely not to the point that I need to be at in order to be as healthy as I could be. However, I also hate the feeling that I am in an overwhelming amount of pain that it is hard to walk from my car to my front door. I definitely need to figure out where the pain is coming from. I don't want to be 25 and incapable of movement. That would be awful.

The good news is that the pain isn't to the same extent that it was a few years ago. I used to have to literally crawl to bed after work. That sounds horrendous and I guess that it really was. Thinking back, I guess that I should have gone to the doctor about the pain that I was in. I would have just heard that I needed to lose weight and I have. However, I'm still not even in a healthy weight range. That's scary for someone who hasn't even hit 25 years old yet. Actually, it's terrifying. I look at my family and see obesity running rampant. I don't want that. I already have a diagnosis of epilepsy, a disorder that took my otherwise healthy father's life. I don't want obesity to add to the problems that I'm facing. I can't have that. I'm glad that I've started to make that change, but it is SO frustrating that it isn't easy. The difficulties in my fitness level and my weight loss stress me out more than many other things, besides my GPA. [ha]

I'm just hopeful that I never get to the awful point in which I have to consider weight loss surgery in order to have my health. I'm not at the point right now. Actually, I'm nowhere close. I only have 30 more pounds to lose in order to hit my goal weight. That's not terrible. I'm not terrible far away from being in a "healthy" bmi weight range. That's good news. I can just see a cycle in society and within my own family, which scares the hell out of me. Maybe that's why I turned to running.. as an escape. But that's okay. I mean, hell, if I'm getting healthy, that's what I need. Running has become something of an escape to me, too. I'm glad that I have it, because I do truly enjoy running. I certainly enjoy the endorphins that come from a good long run. I LOVE racing. I love having goals to push myself to. It's fantastic.

That's why my ankle sprain has been so painful [both physically and emotionally]. It really was something that has become a huge part of my life over the past two years. Running changed my life. I just wish I could have it back soon. Actually, I wish I could have it back tomorrow. Now if I could just achieve patience....