Tuesday, April 26, 2011

...when you wish upon a star...

Okay this is depressing. I haven't blogged in months. I haven't run in months. I have hardly moved in a long time. I gained weight back that I didn't anticipate gaining back. I can't believe that all of this happened.

February 10, 2011. The best day that I was having in a long time. I was so close to my race-day goal weight that I could scream. I was only... twoish weeks away from the Princess Half Marathon and SO looking forward to it. That day, I went to Disney with my best friend, Katherine. We went to see ToonTown before it closed the doors. After that, we went to EPCOT to walk around the world and see the different sights. (yes. I work for Disney. Yes I still love to visit the parks. Blame my mother.)  So, we stopped in the UK to visit our friends Pooh and Tigger. Walking out, I noticed some really drunk and belligerent people yelling about something. They sounded like they were going to have a fight. So in watching them, I failed to notice a curb quickly approaching... until I fell off it, spraining my right ankle.

That sucked. I could hardly walk for days. I went to the campus health clinic to find out that I should not strain myself for 8-10 weeks, but maybe I could jog leisurely in 3 or 4.

Then I got sick. I didn't get out of BED for a week. I missed classes. I didn't study. I hardly ate. I didn't move. All that I could think about was the pain in my ankle, the fever of 100+, and my misery. (and I watched Ellen and Oprah a lot.)

So a week later, I was starting to feel a little better... all except for my ankle. All I could think about was the half marathon. I made a decision that I got a LOT of criticism for. I was going to run the race.

If you know ANYTHING about me, you know that I am stubborn. If my mind is set, I'm doing something. If you tell me not to do something, I'll push myself HARDER to do it. If you tell me that I'm wrong, I will prove to you that I'm right. No exaggeration. I'm a pain in the ass. So all of the criticism just pissed me off further, but did nothing to change my decision. So I ran the race.

It was the same route as the half marathon that I ran at Disney in January. I started off okay, able to run. I stopped at a port-a-potty, which was a HUGE mistake. I picked the shortest line with the person who had to take the longest time period to go. I'm not kidding. By the time it was my turn, nobody who had stopped at the same time as me was still there. My mom passed me right off the bat.

I ran with Katherine, which was good. Like I said, we started off strong, at a decent pace. We stopped for just a few pictures, but, naturally, we sloed down over time. My ankle and knee were both bothering me. (I think that I strained my knee a little with the Goofy's Challenge thing two months before.) Then something happened to Katherine's foot and she could hardly even keep up with me. We ended up slightly ahead of the pacers and ended with a really terrible time.. almost embarassing.

Since then, I've slid into a kind of helplessness. I lost my running, which felt like it was most of what I had. It's been a really hard few months. My ankle still hurts an it doesn't really feel like a simple sprain that will just heal up quickly. I'm tired of being unable to run. I'm just really tired of being so helpless. It's gotten better in the past couple of weeks. I have gotten a personal trainer at the gym on campus that I use and I hope that helps. I'm hoping to be able to run again soon.. I miss distance running. I miss pushing myself. I miss having things that I KNOW I'm capable of. It's hard waiting, but I feel like a change is around the corner.

I just wish patience was my forte.

Now for a few photos-

This is the last picture before I fell off the curb. How depressing.

After the race with my mom, sister, and Katherine. With Aladdin and Jasmine.