like a hamster on a wheel.

Life can be overwhelming sometimes. I often wonder what happened to time.. or daylight, maybe. Didn't we just "save" daylight on Sunday? That's what I thought.

Somehow, my exhaustion from last month is carrying over into this month. I'm not where I wanted to be mileage, but right now I'm going back and forth on which is more important: running or school. Usually, school wins. Actually, I'm pretty sure school always needs to win. I WAS really dedicated to getting my goal a few months ago, but I feel like, with midterms and papers, my non-school goals are sort of falling by the wayside. It's sort of awful.

I sit here and go through the "what ifs" in my head sometimes. What IF I had a normal job when I wasn't working 3 pm to 1 or 2 am..? What IF I didn't have grad school on top of everything else? What IF I was more serious about it? What IF I didn't feel lazy much of the time? What IF I didn't let little setbacks hold me back for a long time? What IF I lived somewhere that I felt safe enough to run outside at night?

It's sort of crazy, because I know that I can't sit here and think about the "what if(s)" all of the time. I just do it anyways. Maybe I'm too hard on myself. (actually, let's be realistic... I KNOW that I'm too hard on myself.) It is really hard for me to get out of that frame of mind sometimes. I know how I SHOULD look at things, but then I see my mistakes or my misgivings and they seem pretty strong. I need to give myself more opportunities to make mistakes.

Anyways, today I had a midterm and spent much of the day trying to study and mentally prepare for it. (another reason I didn't run yesterday. I'm not sure if that's a valid excuse or not...) Kath and I decided to hit the gym tonight, so I decided that running on either the treadmill or on the track would work. I was WRONG.

I really struggled at the gym today. Kath and I lifted for a little bit, then went on the rower for about 15 minutes or so. After THAT, we hit the track. Sort of. I thought, maybe, we'd go five miles. Negative. Before we even got to one mile, I felt like I just didn't want to be there. I don't know what my problem is. So we ran/walked... and ran/walked some more. I started to feel like a hamster running on a wheel. It was a little bit miserable. I kept thinking about how I wanted to be outside and how much more freeing it is to run outdoors.

I just don't even know what to do anymore. I'm busy a lot of the time. I don't like running at night around here, but then again, I don't like treadmills and I don't like tracks. What else is there but for me to be whiny and complain-y? I need to open up my mind more, I guess. That's something that I need to think about.

Tomorrow I have a personal training session AND class. I'd love to fit in a run, too. I'm going to do my best. I'm logical enough to know that my best is all I can give. But I'm emotional enough to understand that sometimes my best doesn't FEEL like enough.

Goal: 1000 miles/366 days
So far: 187.71 miles/74 days
To go: 812.29 miles/292 days

sometimes, it is just one step in front of the other

Goodness, I'm exhausted. I honestly don't even know what the deal with  me is. I feel drained and didn't feel like running today, but Katherine convinced me to go out anyways. (Thanks bff!) The run was tough and emotional. Usually, when I start a tough run, I end up doing okay and pulling it out in the end, but the entire thing was really rough on me this time. I had ...like one good mile. Out of seven. I thought I was going to be able to pick it up in the end and do okay, but by the end, my body was trying to give up on me.

I think part of it is my nutrition this week. I've been eating like crap. It has been spring break and my grandparents have been visiting... and I've been drinking WAY less water than I'm used to and WAY too much Mountain Dew... and bad carbs.. and food I should be only eating occasionally. For example, we ordered pizza the other day. I ate that pizza like I did 25 pounds ago. I kept getting more and more slices. Generally, if I'm eating pizza, I hold myself back to one slice or two slices at most.

I definitely feel like my nutrition has been getting the best of me this week. It comes down to making poor choices and that's on me.

I think that if I work on getting my eating back on point (or close to it), my body will respond better. I need to be able to run 7 miles without feeling horrible the entire time. I know that I'm just sort of beating myself up about it, but I really felt miserable for 95% of the run today. That's unacceptable. I've had many better runs than that. So many.

I'm just hoping that better days (better runs!) are right around the corner.

Goal: 1000 miles/366 days
So far: 183.59 miles/70 days
To go: 816.41 miles/296 days

time goes by too quickly.

Goodness! Life can be exhausting. I'm laying here on the futon, watching Dexter, and feeling like I could just go to sleep at any moment. I mean, obviously, I'm not going to fall asleep right now, because I'm writing, but I definitely could. Some spring break! haha. No partying, no drinking, no beach... just exhaustion left over from the past two months of the semester. Oh grad school.

Today, I wanted to run about 10 miles or so, but it didn't really work out. I ended up going to Track Shack, the local running shop, to help a friend buy her first pair of running shoes. I'm excited to have a part in initiating people into the running community. It was super worth the effort, though. So fun. But that cut back on my running time. My grandparents are in town, so I had to get some miles in between my grandparents coming to my apartment and dropping my friend back off after the shopping extravaganza.

I ended up running just over 7 miles... a little disappointing, but I was tired anyways.

Tomorrow, I'm hoping to actually fit a long run in, because Friday starts my work week again. (already!) Then spring break will be over already... and back to reality. It's crazy how time flies, sometimes.

I'm super excited to get my tax refund check, though, because that means that I can sign up for a few more races! Woo hoo!

Goal: 1000 miles/366 days
So far: 176.57 miles/67 days
To go: 823.43 miles/299 days

It's a blustery day out there.

Today was fantastic running weather, but not weather that I am used to running in. It's so crazy that a year and a half ago, I was in Indiana, running in that bipolar weather, but now I'm in Florida, running in hot weather all of the time. Now on a windy, cool day in the low 70s, my body is super confused, where a year and a half ago, I'd have loved to go out and run.

Initially, my goal was to run 10 miles today, but I left late and my grandparents are in town, so it didn't work out. I ended up going for 7, and the first 4 miles were fantastic. I was at an even 13 minute pace the entire time, which sounds slow, but is fantastic for me. After four miles though, I slowed down tremendously. It got really windy outside, which made me feel like I was running against a brick wall and getting nowhere. I slowed down my pace to a walk-run, which frustrated me, but I felt like I had to do it.

I almost didn't finish out my entire 7 miles, because I was getting too frustrated with the wind and my pace, but I stuck it out anyways. I guess that's something. I had to do an extra lap around my apartment complex after I got home, but I stuck it out and finished my run. That's good news. I didn't keep my 13 minute pace, but ended up at 14:40, which did irritate me, but maybe I just need to think about the positives. My mental strength definitely isn't where I wish that it could be, but I guess there's still time for that to change.

I am definitely glad that I stuck it out and went out to run. It was colder than I'm used to and it was windy. The running conditions were actually fantastic, but just confusing to my body. Ugh. Tomorrow will be  better. I promise.

Goal: 1000 miles/366 days
So far: 169.55 miles/66 days
To go: 830.45 miles/300 days

February recap. and I'm back on the bandwagon.

This is going to be a two part update. First, I need to talk about my February running, then I'll write about today's run. Woo hoo!!

February was not my best running month. I'm still trying to figure out at what point I fell off of the wagon. I had a great January, but then some things just collapsed coming into February. I know I had some tests and papers due, but that's really no excuse. I guess that I just didn't do a good job, but there is still opportunity.

I ran two 5ks and a half marathon in February. It seems like most of my mileage ended up coming from races for the month and that I really only ran a few times on my own. Frustrating. I was talking to Katherine about it today and I feel committed to making March a really good month, getting plenty of mileage in. I'm excited that I've been able to stick with it so far, though, keeping my mileage somewhat close to what it should be.

I am definitely looking forward to the sun being out later and being able to have more time for an outdoor run in the late-ish afternoons. Yipee!

So my total mileage for February was...... 45.9. Not so good. :( I guess that's okay. There is still time to hit my goal this year.

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Today, Kath and I went out for a run, even though I'm starting to feel a little sick. I'm super congested and my head is heavy. I had started to have some pretty intense sneezing, which sucks, but I still went out and ran with Kath. That was good, I guess. We did our usual route- out through the park near our apartment and back, which is a little under 6.5 miles.

I feel like I did a decent job pacing myself. We stayed under 15 minute miles the entire time, which was great because I didn't feel well and Katherine and I tend to be chatty and not run as quickly as we would by ourselves or during a race. I pushed myself decently hard- not so hard that I collapsed when I got home, but hard enough where I felt challenged through the whole time. That was fabulous. I wish we would have gone a little further, but there's only so much a person can do when feeling sick-ish.

My goal this week (spring break yeah!!) is to get a lot of mileage in. I need to get myself better prepared for races, because there's one in Jacksonville at the end of the month that Katherine and I are pretty set on doing. I'd like to PR again, because last time I raced in Jacksonville, I smashed my PR at the time, and I think I could do it again.

My body has really been responding to my workouts lately. I've taken off a lot of weight in the last few weeks, which is exciting, but also makes me worried. Last time I lost weight this fast was when I first started Weight Watchers three years ago, but I hit a plateau after the first few months of that. Hopefully I can stick to good choices this time. I gave up fast food for lent, so that's making an impact, too. I definitely want to have the healthiest lifestyle that I can.

Anyways, yeah... I ran today with Katherine. It was fun. The end.

Goal: 1000 miles/366 days
So far: 162.34/64 days
To go: 837.66 miles/302 days