five random thoughts.

1. So, I joined a gym a couple of weeks ago. It was something that I was debating about, something that I wasn't 100% sure about, because I knew how much I lack at self-motivation. By paying for this membership, I would have to force myself to actually go, or else I'd be throwing my hard earned money down the drain, towards nothing. So, I've been going.

I miss working out with my personal trainer in Florida a lot. It might be a self-conscious thing, because I do know what I am doing in the gym. (Mark did teach me a LOT over the years.) The thing is, when I'm there, actually doing it, it makes me nervous to actually legitimately lift weights... even though I know that I know what I'm doing. So today, I did some dead lifts. I felt weird about it, but I did it. I think it was the first step in the process.

I'm also thinking about doing some fitness classes, too. I have a list of classes for the month of December, I just have to pick some out and go.

(I also desperately need to get myself in the pool. I miss lap swimming more than anything. That's my real cardio love. Even though I run all of the time, swimming is my true love.)

2. I'm getting to know myself again. When I lived in Florida, I was always busy. I worked multiple jobs, worked out a lot, and was social with my free time. Some days, I was so exhausted that I would fall asleep on the futon watching a movie with my roommate. (On that note, I still haven't seen the entire Silver Linings Playbook. Sorry Kath.)

So, I've been stepping out of my comfort zone and not allowing myself to work two jobs for as long as I'm in Indiana. I've been spending time with friends and family.. and have been going to the gym for the last few weeks. That has been very important. It has been tough, though, because I'm used to always doing something. I'm used to being busy.

But, I've been reading, writing, thinking about the future, and processing the present.. and it has been good. I'm remembering things that I love, things that I've stopped doing. (like the writing thing.)

I've had the idea to start a photography business. I remember how much I loved photography when I took classes in high school. I wouldn't make it my main source of income, but I may invest in a dslr after Christmas and do some photography around town.

(starting with my mom's engagement photos. no, mom, I haven't forgotten you.)

So, by getting to know myself, by giving myself that time, I'm getting excited for the adventures that lie ahead for me. I feel like I have some good opportunities ahead, I just have to make some decisions. I'm pretty fortunate in that sense.

3. My friend Latefa moved back, too. I'm actually pretty excited about this one. I came back to Indiana, knowing that most of my friends had left and the ones that were still in the same state were definitely not in the same town... then, one day, I got a text when I was out on a run that said, "I'm home!"

After a confusing conversation, I realized that my friend had moved back, too. She didn't tell anybody that she was coming, so she blew me (and her family) out of the water. She moved away several years ago, too, so we had not gotten to have real time together in a very long time. She has jumped right onto my adventuring ideas, though, and we have had a good time.

We've talked a lot about the future and about traveling together, so maybe that will happen eventually.. We went to France together in high school, which was incredible. Now we both want to go to all of the places. It is fun to have a friend with that kind of a mindset, too. I'm very thankful to have her in town.

(even though I think my grandma likes her better than she likes me!)

4. November was a half-success. I didn't succeed at the National Novel Writing part.. life kind of got in the way. (again.) I am a little disappointed in that, but I know that I will eventually get my writing out there. I did write some really powerful pieces about my state of mind, so I'm glad with that. I may try to get one or two published.

I did really put it out there with my Epilepsy Awareness Month personal campaign. For the past few years, I've only talked about it on the internet, through my various social media platforms. This year, though, I was able to talk about my journey with people in person. I am much less inhibited about the issue than I have been in the past. Over the years, I've just become more comfortable with explaining epilepsy to other people, whether it be my own story, or the stories of other people that I know. I think that is important.

I'm excited to keep educating people. I hope that, eventually, I can share it on an even bigger platform that I can right now. I'm working towards that. It's a pretty big deal.

5. I'm excited for the next month or so. My best friend is coming to town for a week and a half or so pretty soon. I can't wait to have some Indiana adventures with her. (and to spend some time with my second family.)

I also have the Walt Disney World Marathon Weekend coming up in a month. I'm already freaking out a little bit. I don't feel ready, and I know that I'm not ready, but I'm working towards it. I won't PR again, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed to have a great time. (because, I usually do.) I'm also very excited to see my Orlando friends that I miss so much. I won't be there for long, but it will be wonderful to have that time with them. I do want to scoop them all up and bring them with me on the rest of my adventures.

Then, there's also Christmas. I love Christmas.  I'm a complete Christmas fanatic, I love giving gifts, I love decorating, I love the family time... it's one of my favorite things. I also love going to Christmas Eve Mass. Oh man. I'm very glad that I am in town and that I will get to enjoy all of these thing with my family. If there is nothing else that I learned from living out of state for so many years, it's how precious it is to spend the holidays with family. I'm very excited for this year.

(even though I have to work. it will be wonderful. love love.)

 

and here's a photo for photo's sake.

this is from October, going to play in the woods with my special two year old nuggetty-cousin.

Year 28: my year of adventure.

So, maybe, I should change the name of this blog, because I don't think that it is only going to be about my running adventures anymore. I'm in the midst of this massive life transition thing... and I am making huge changes in my life.

One of those changes is to actually write. Whether it be in this blog or working on my stories or a novel, I need to write more. So here I am, writing, blogging, multiple times within a month. (craaazy.)

Hmm.. something to think about, I guess...

My birthday was Saturday. Woo hoo, twenty-eight.

I'm not sure if it is because of my birthday or because of... something else, I'm just at this point in my life in which I feel as though I need to make some pretty significant life changes. (like moving 1000 miles, while not knowing or having a plan of exactly where I will be, even a year from now.) I'm trying to push the envelope a little bit, push myself out of my comfort zone, so to speak.

I'm calling this my "year of adventure."

I've made a list of adventurey things that I want to do this year:
(and I'm going to make them public, because I need to be held accountable or else I may never do them.)
1. Get my SCUBA certification. This has been a dream since I was a child. I always told my dad that I would go on a SCUBA trip with him, but he died waaay before I was old enough to get certified. It's time to fulfill it, even if it means I go diving by myself.
2. Go on a solo road trip adventure. By living in Florida and working for Disney, I currently have friends that live in almost every state. I want to see so many of them. (and places. I want to see places.)
3. Move somewhere new. (obviously, this depends on work and jobs.) For many years, I dreamed about living in Chicago or New York, but I've decided that I want to live somewhere a little bit more laid back. I'd like to live my life somewhere beautiful. When I think about moving, I think of my friend, Latefa, who moved to Montana for AmeriCorps after college.. then stayed for a while, then moved to North Dakota. She's not afraid of trying new places, new things (she also told me today that she just bought a motorcycle. I'm not going that far. ha.). I'd like to try new cities, too.
4. Write. Freelance write. Work on my short stories. Blog. Write a novel.
5. Speaking of novel writing, National Novel Writing Month is November. I've attempted to participate once. Maybe this is my year.
6. Travel. I want to see places, do things, enjoy people. I think it may be the best way to learn about myself.
7. Say yes. This is something that I've started in the past year. I used to ALWAYS say no to new things, hide in my comfort zone and around my specific group of tight knit friends. That part of me is over. I need to experience new.
8. Volunteer. I used to volunteer a lot. I taught for Junior Achievement, I volunteered with a leadership group when I was in college... I want to bring that back.
9. Work on my French. I'm a little obsessed with France and French culture. I've studied the language, visited the country... but I want to work on it some more.
10. Get a tattoo. (this is something I've put off for years and years and years... and years. and years.)
11. Epilepsy awareness month. November. I want to get my story out there a little more, get some more awareness. I'm still toying with this idea.

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This list is obviously not exhaustive. It will be added to, edited, changed... it's just a list of ideas, at this point.

I just... feel like life is much too short to be stuck in once place, being unhappy. I'm on this journey and there are things that I'm looking for... specifically, joy, laughter, and... following my dreams.

I've been a big dreamer for as long as I can remember, especially when it has come to writing. (I mean, I also wanted to be an Olympic swimmer and a professional baseball player... but I'm just going to have to make some sacrifices for my writing.)

I've been told that I dream too big, that I need to make smaller goals, that I'm setting myself up for failure. However, I've also been told, recently, that I'm inspirational (that one floors me), that I'm brave, that people are proud of me.

I think that I've been waiting until I was ready, comfortable to do these things, but now I'm realizing that I may never be comfortable taking these steps, traveling on my own, getting my SCUBA certification... putting my writing out there. I need to just take the leap. So that's what I'm doing.

(I mean, by trying to write freelance and write a novel... and putting my short stories out there... these things are huge for me. I don't DO that. I don't share my writing with anybody. Ever.)

I need to leave my comfort zone.

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On a running note, I'm still going to run my races and write about them, too. I'm just not going to only be the girl who runs and works all of the time.

Time for change...

Great people do things before they’re ready. They do things before they know they can do it. And by doing it, they’re proven right. Because, I think there’s something inside of you—and inside of all of us—when we see something and we think, “I think I can do it, I think I can do it. But I’m afraid to.” Bridging that gap, doing what you’re afraid of, getting out of your comfort zone, taking risks like that—THAT is what life is. And I think you might be really good. You might find out something about yourself that’s special. And if you’re not good, who cares? You tried something. Now you know something about yourself. Now you know. A mystery is solved. So, I think you should just give it a try. Just inch yourself out of that back line. Step into life. Courage. Risks. Yes. Go. Now. (Amy Poehler)

 

 

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Postscript: I'd be lying if I said I wasn't terrified.