Year 28: my year of adventure.

So, maybe, I should change the name of this blog, because I don't think that it is only going to be about my running adventures anymore. I'm in the midst of this massive life transition thing... and I am making huge changes in my life.

One of those changes is to actually write. Whether it be in this blog or working on my stories or a novel, I need to write more. So here I am, writing, blogging, multiple times within a month. (craaazy.)

Hmm.. something to think about, I guess...

My birthday was Saturday. Woo hoo, twenty-eight.

I'm not sure if it is because of my birthday or because of... something else, I'm just at this point in my life in which I feel as though I need to make some pretty significant life changes. (like moving 1000 miles, while not knowing or having a plan of exactly where I will be, even a year from now.) I'm trying to push the envelope a little bit, push myself out of my comfort zone, so to speak.

I'm calling this my "year of adventure."

I've made a list of adventurey things that I want to do this year:
(and I'm going to make them public, because I need to be held accountable or else I may never do them.)
1. Get my SCUBA certification. This has been a dream since I was a child. I always told my dad that I would go on a SCUBA trip with him, but he died waaay before I was old enough to get certified. It's time to fulfill it, even if it means I go diving by myself.
2. Go on a solo road trip adventure. By living in Florida and working for Disney, I currently have friends that live in almost every state. I want to see so many of them. (and places. I want to see places.)
3. Move somewhere new. (obviously, this depends on work and jobs.) For many years, I dreamed about living in Chicago or New York, but I've decided that I want to live somewhere a little bit more laid back. I'd like to live my life somewhere beautiful. When I think about moving, I think of my friend, Latefa, who moved to Montana for AmeriCorps after college.. then stayed for a while, then moved to North Dakota. She's not afraid of trying new places, new things (she also told me today that she just bought a motorcycle. I'm not going that far. ha.). I'd like to try new cities, too.
4. Write. Freelance write. Work on my short stories. Blog. Write a novel.
5. Speaking of novel writing, National Novel Writing Month is November. I've attempted to participate once. Maybe this is my year.
6. Travel. I want to see places, do things, enjoy people. I think it may be the best way to learn about myself.
7. Say yes. This is something that I've started in the past year. I used to ALWAYS say no to new things, hide in my comfort zone and around my specific group of tight knit friends. That part of me is over. I need to experience new.
8. Volunteer. I used to volunteer a lot. I taught for Junior Achievement, I volunteered with a leadership group when I was in college... I want to bring that back.
9. Work on my French. I'm a little obsessed with France and French culture. I've studied the language, visited the country... but I want to work on it some more.
10. Get a tattoo. (this is something I've put off for years and years and years... and years. and years.)
11. Epilepsy awareness month. November. I want to get my story out there a little more, get some more awareness. I'm still toying with this idea.

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This list is obviously not exhaustive. It will be added to, edited, changed... it's just a list of ideas, at this point.

I just... feel like life is much too short to be stuck in once place, being unhappy. I'm on this journey and there are things that I'm looking for... specifically, joy, laughter, and... following my dreams.

I've been a big dreamer for as long as I can remember, especially when it has come to writing. (I mean, I also wanted to be an Olympic swimmer and a professional baseball player... but I'm just going to have to make some sacrifices for my writing.)

I've been told that I dream too big, that I need to make smaller goals, that I'm setting myself up for failure. However, I've also been told, recently, that I'm inspirational (that one floors me), that I'm brave, that people are proud of me.

I think that I've been waiting until I was ready, comfortable to do these things, but now I'm realizing that I may never be comfortable taking these steps, traveling on my own, getting my SCUBA certification... putting my writing out there. I need to just take the leap. So that's what I'm doing.

(I mean, by trying to write freelance and write a novel... and putting my short stories out there... these things are huge for me. I don't DO that. I don't share my writing with anybody. Ever.)

I need to leave my comfort zone.

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On a running note, I'm still going to run my races and write about them, too. I'm just not going to only be the girl who runs and works all of the time.

Time for change...

Great people do things before they’re ready. They do things before they know they can do it. And by doing it, they’re proven right. Because, I think there’s something inside of you—and inside of all of us—when we see something and we think, “I think I can do it, I think I can do it. But I’m afraid to.” Bridging that gap, doing what you’re afraid of, getting out of your comfort zone, taking risks like that—THAT is what life is. And I think you might be really good. You might find out something about yourself that’s special. And if you’re not good, who cares? You tried something. Now you know something about yourself. Now you know. A mystery is solved. So, I think you should just give it a try. Just inch yourself out of that back line. Step into life. Courage. Risks. Yes. Go. Now. (Amy Poehler)

 

 

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Postscript: I'd be lying if I said I wasn't terrified.

 

 

 



taking big chances, making big changes.

I officially suck at blogging. Well, I've been writing and expressing myself on other platforms, but I've completely abandoned this blog. I'm supposed to be writing about my races here and I haven't been... so here's a list of my races since I've last written.

- The Highlander, March 2013. My first (and thus far, only) obstacle course race. It was SO intense. I lived to tell the tale. I'll do another one day.
- Geist Half Marathon, May 2013. It was really hilly and intense and I was less than two minutes from my PR at the end. (or something like that.) I was super frustrated, but I lived to tell the tale.
- Tower of Terror 10 miler, October 2013. It was better than the previous year, as far as humidity goes, but not great weather by any means. I do like myself a Disney race, though.
- Chicago Marathon, October 2013. Rough race. I was undertrained, to say the least, and basically finished on willpower and adrenaline. Intense. Not my best race.
- Tour de Pain Extreme, March 2014. I PR'd in two of the three races that weekend. I was pretty proud of myself, honestly. That was a rough weekend, but a good one..
- Oklahoma City Memorial Half Marathon, April 2014. It was a great race, but I was pretty sick and fevery the whole time, so I didn't do well. I probably should not have run, but I am stubborn, sooo.... I couldn't help myself.
(also some 5ks and other short races.)

 

my mom, brother, and myself after the Oklahoma City Memorial half.

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So, life has changed for me SO much in the last year. I started a few new jobs, pushed my boundaries, and changed everything for myself. It's been intense and crazy.

One year ago today, I was preparing for Tower of Terror, my birthday, then Chicago. I was working in a theme park and had been for about two weeks. I hated my job (and actually never even visited the park as a guest while I worked there for two months.). When I wasn't working, I was looking into getting another job, thinking about going to graduate school for creative writing, thinking about doing big things with my life... doing a lot of thinking, but not really doing much planning or ...doing. I was stuck in my comfort zone, hanging out with the same two or three people, working a job that I hated, but was comfortable, just living day by day.

Last November, I started working at a local running store. That's when I started to change, when everything started to change for me. That was my first retail job, save for one Christmas seasonal job many years ago. It was a job that was related to something that I was passionate about and, frankly, I was pretty excited about it. It was a little bit of a step out of my comfort zone, since I wasn't accustomed to working in retail, and because I really only knew the things about running that pertained to myself. I challenged myself to learn a lot about my new job and, so, I did learn a lot.

I also made new friends. I had been in Florida for a little bit over three years at that point and I had pretty much stuck to the same core group of friends, my roommate, who I moved to Florida with all of those years ago and a few friends that I worked with at my previous job. I am, initially, pretty quiet, so it takes me a little while to really get to know people. I did make new friends in my new job, though, friends that really helped me to see things through a new perspective, see how much I could change and really become who I wanted to be.

I applied to go back to school this fall, which would have been last month, and even got accepted. It was a tough choice, though, because I wasn't sure that I wanted a third Bachelors Degree... I really just need to get my Masters. (getting another Bachelors would be like going back to my comfort zone again. This entire year has been about pushing those boundaries.)

Then, last May, I got a second job, lifeguarding. That pushed my comfort zone even further. Though I was pretty much raised in water, love swimming, and swam competitively a little bit, the idea of being responsible for saving OTHER people was a little bit overwhelming. I almost decided to give up as soon as I started, to run back to something that would make me feel more comfortable. BUT, this entire year has been about me pushing my boundaries... so I did. I stayed.

The last four or five months have been really conflicting. My mind has been all over the place. I've been in Florida for four years. Moving here from Indiana was a huge deal. I was 23, just finished college, and moving for graduate school. I didn't finish grad school, which is disappointing, but I learned a lot about myself while I was here. I made friends from all over the world. (literally, from China to England to Canada to... pretty much ever state in the United States.) I always wanted to move to Florida, so I did... and I made it work. It wasn't everything that I wanted, but I gave it a shot and that's what is important.

So, it has been a little over four years.
& now the adventure is ending.

My last day at work is this week, my birthday is on Saturday, and then I am going back to Indiana to work for a while and search for my dream job. (and work on my writing.) I don't know how long I will be there, but I will enjoy my family, go to my cousin's football games, my other cousin's roller derby bouts, hang out with my sister, play with my baby cousins, visit my grandparents... and take some time to figure a few things out about myself. (oh. and I will also get to hang out with some of the best friends in the world. duh.)

I might be most excited for an Indiana Thanksgiving and Christmas.

If I've learned anything this year, it's that I can do a lot of things. I need to focus on the things that I'm passionate about and try to do these big things that I've been talking about doing for years, but have been putting off. I have really stepped out of my comfort zone in the last year, which is pretty big for me, being a comfort zone kind of girl and all... I just want to continue pushing myself. So that's what this plan is.

I've had this lifetime fantasy about my life, since I was very young. Well, the dream really began when my mom was reading Laura Ingalls Wilder's Little House on the Prairie to me, so, probably around the age of five or six. I've wanted to be a writer, I've wanted to write stories that impacted other people the way that those books impacted me and made me think. I've wanted to live somewhere beautiful, to have the kind of life that I can do my writing and then go outside and enjoy the beauty. For a while, I studied Journalism, I even studied Mass Communications in grad school a little bit, but I'm not a reporter. I'm not hard hitting, I'm not in your face. I want to write beautiful stories, live in a beautiful place, and make a small impact in the world.

So that's the dream... and in order to achieve it, I actually have to step out of my comfort zone. I have to share my very personal stories with people. (which I don't do. ever.) I have to learn to stand on my own two feet without leaning so heavily on other people.

...and honestly, I need to stop settling on mediocre. I can be bigger and better than I am allowing myself to be. I've been okay with mediocre for way too long.

"I began to realize how important it was to be an enthusiast in life. If you are interested in something, no matter what it is, go at it at full speed ahead. Embrace it with both arms, hug it, love it, and, above all, become passionate about it. Lukewarm is no good. Hot is no good either. White hot and passionate is the only thing to be." (Roald Dahl)

 

 

Honestly, I'm making massive changes in my life right now. It's terrifying, especially for a comfort zone kind of girl. At the same time, I also realize how important it is. All of it...

 

As much as this last year has changed SO much about my life, I think that the next year will be even bigger for me. I'm excited, but nervous and terrified.

 

 

sidenote: I couldn't have made these decisions without two really awesome people that I know. (well, two and a halfish, maybe three.) The people who told me to do it when I told them about my writing, about my goals, about my huge life changes. (so thanks. just saying.)

 

over and out.

...and maybe I'll actually write a race report about Chicago this time. haha.

 

 

My friend Andi and me, after I didn't die in Chicago last year.



Halloween Halfathon Race Recap

Yesterday, I ran the Halloween Halfathon in St. Petersburg. I went into the race hoping for a PR, but not being too excited about it. Actually, I've  been a little jaded lately and not too excited about very much of anything. Anyways, my friend Alyssa suggested that I go run with her and her cousin, so I decided to drag Katherine with me.

We decided to dress up for the race. Kath made tutus for both of us, which was really fun. I was Cruella (scariest villan ever) and she went as a "dark fairy/butterfly". Alyssa was Tinkerbell and her cousin, Bria, ran as Ariel. Though I had a lot of trouble getting really excited for the race, I was excited about the costumes.

Yesterday, we arrived at the race JUST in time for it to start. No joke. I put my chip on my shoe and then we started. It was intense. I felt sluggish from the start. I don't know if it was my lack of sleep (but I never sleep well before a race), not eating the same way as I normally do pre-race, or just my overall exhaustion lately. I was REALLY worried that I wasn't going to PR. I pushed it pretty hard for the first three miles, knowing that I ran at least 6 miles of ToT AND Chicago before a walk break. I really slowed down and walked at three... but still walk/ran and was under the pace that I needed to smash my PR. I was hanging in there.

At about mile 4.5, I thought I saw Katherine walking toward me. I was super confused. She's never come back to me before and was gunning for a PR this race, too. I was glad to see her, because I was really struggling.. a lot. She said that she had been lonely and knew she wouldn't get her PR, so she turned around. Even though I was in a terrible mood, I'm grateful that she did turn around.

Major complaint: there were not enough water stops during this race. I am used to a water stop every 1.5 miles... in almost every race that I have ever participated in. Not this time. They were 3-4 miles apart. I was REALLY thirsty each time we got to a water stop and had to grab at least two cups each time. When I got to the stop at mile 9, they were completely out of both Gatorade and water. That was my breaking point. I walked for the next two miles and cried. I felt like I couldn't finish and I was upset. I've never had a meltdown during a race before. I was frustrated with myself for being too slow, for having an awful race. I've run SO many halfs before that I was confident that the distance wasn't too tough.. that I would easily surpass my PR. I felt more fit than I had a year ago when I raced my 2:50 that is my current personal record. I just couldn't do it.

I finished in 3:08. I still don't feel okay with it.

I don't know what happened. I don't know why I felt so terrible or why everything fell apart. I'm still frustrated and unhappy.

Goal: 1000 miles/366 days

So far: 707.31 miles/303 days
To go: 292.69 miles/63 days

**okay. I guess that I'm a little excited that I hit 700 miles. I didn't think I'd get there this month. It's been really tough. 

celebrating 500 miles in 2012! (so far!)

So this is crazy! I'm officially past 500 miles for the year. I'm SO excited about it. So. SO. excited. I know that I'm late for the year and I'm past the  month mark, but I really feel like I can get to the mileage that I want to get to. (that being 1000 miles in one year. which lots of people have done for many years.)

Yesterday, I ran with Seth for the first time in the history of ever. We didn't take any pictures while running to post to the blog (oops), but it was fun! I was really nervous, because I haven't run with anybody besides my mom and Katherine. I am always pretty self conscious about my pace, especially when I'm running with someone that I know is faster than me. We worked really well together and I had a lot of fun! I'm really excited about it and next time, I won't have to be nervous about running with Seth! haha. (but I will definitely continue to be nervous about running with other people. beyond him. and Kath.)

We ran 8 miles, so we both felt pretty much like beasts afterwards. That's because we are beasts. But ya know.

Today, I was thinking about pushing my run off until tomorrow, because I didn't get much sleep and was beyond tired. However, my computer was acting up, so I went. I did 9 miles in a 14:50-ish pace, which I'm really proud of, because it was terribly hot outside. So yeah. That is really fun news! My legs are a little tired, but I mostly feel awesome right now.

I'm still terrified about Chicago, but I'm also feeling really awesome about how my training is going. My pace is a little awful all of the time, but I think that part of the problem is that I have been worn out and the heat in Central Florida is really tough to run in. What worries me the most is that I'm starting toward the end of Chicago so there is potential that it could be REALLY warm outside. That freaks me out, honestly. I know the midwest and I know that early October in the midwest could be nice or awful. We'll find out.

I'm SO excited to be at 500 miles. Yeeeah me!

Goal: 1000 miles/366 days
So far: 500.78 miles/229 days
To go: 499.22 miles/137 days

positives and negatives on long run day.

Long run day recap. Again.

Let's start with the positive things that happened during my run today... First, I ran the distance that I needed to. Though my toe is still swollen, it doesn't hurt at all when I'm running and only hurts some when I'm walking around. (I think that it mostly depends on what shoes that I am wearing. My work shoes are awful at squishing my toes. Ugh.) I'm ecstatic that I'm running again. I'm pleased that I only had to take a week off before I could run again. I'm glad that I did fourteen miles today. It takes a lot of mental strength to push it that hard and for that long. Yay for me.

I just wish that it was easier. I struggled a LOT today. My legs felt heavy and slow from the very beginning. I'm not sure how I ended up getting all of the miles in. I guess that I pushed it pretty hard, but my pace was way slower than I would have wanted it to be. ...frustrating. I KNOW that I can run faster and better than I ran today. I just don't know why I didn't do it today. I know that I should be pleased that I got the mileage that I needed, but I feel like my pace is pretty important, too.

I'm less than two months away from Chicago. I'm about three weeks from Disneyland. Then Tower of Terror 10 miler, then Chicago, then Wine & Dine, then the Jacksonville Distance Classic, then the Orlando Half, then Goofy (Dopey)! This is crazy. I just really want to make sure that my body is ready for all of this. I'm not sure that it is, because of tough runs like I had today. Frustrating...

I know that I can run the distance. I just want to get my pace to where I need it to be. I'm just feeling a little stuck right now, I guess. I don't know what the answer is... the magical motivation that I've been looking for.

I'm at a completely different sport than where I was last year at this time. My body is different and my training is so muh better. Frankly, I have no idea what my race pace might be. It has to be something better. I feel like I'm looking PRs in the face, I just don't know what they would be.

I'm also planning on adding personal training back into my regimen. I need it desperately. I can't find the motivation to strength train on my own. Another frustration...

Kath & I at 13 miles. Today was her furthest run in the history of her life!

Goal: 1000 miles/366 days
So far: 470.74 miles/224 days
To go: 529.26 miles/142 days

motivation means improvement

I had a really fantastic run today. I think that the new shoes really helped. A lot. They're super light and my feet felt light and like they weren't really doing anything. It was fantastic. I ran at about a 13:30 pace for the majority of my run (like... all but one mile), which is my racing pace, so I was (and am!) really excited about it.

I was supposed to do 8 miles today. I ended up doing nine. I felt good enough to do an extra lap around my apartment complex when I got home, so I did. I walked it so that it was more of a cool down, which is where my pace really slowed down a lot. That pushed me to almost nine miles. I figured that I might as well finish out the nine, since I was already almost there. So I did.

I ended up with just over nine miles and at a 14 minute pace. I know that, under many standards, that is extremely slow, but I'm pleased. Sometimes I don't feel like going running, I don't always feel like pushing myself, but I still do it. I do feel like that is an accomplishment. I pushed it out there today. I know that I could be faster and I know that my racing speed is at least a minute quicker than my training pace. I think that if I continue to hold onto it like this, continue to push through, I'm going to improve exponentially into a runner that I want to be. I've been really focused on improving that I haven't noticed the improvements that I've made. A few months ago, an eight mile run would have made me cry and I would have run it at a 15-something pace, just because I would have taken it easy.

I'm proud of who I am becoming. I do feel like running is shaping me.
(and I kinda like it.)

Goal: 1000 miles/366 days
So far: 444.6 miles/214 days
To go: 555.4 miles/152 days

Long Run Day and Retiring My Shoes (ending week six)

Today was long run day! My favorite day of the week (or not so much). The plan was to get up early so that I wouldn't have to run alone, but I ended up at work three hours late last night and didn't get home until after two in the morning. I knew I wouldn't be able to get up early for a run. Disappointing. So I had to run when it was already pretty hot out. ..On top of that, I ended up running alone.

I felt really awesome for the first mile. When I knew I was at the first mile marker, I was actually surprised with how little struggle I was going through. I felt like I could definitely finish out the last thirteen miles. haha. I actually didn't really struggle too much until I got about halfway through. I still had a really awesome pace until the tenth mile. After that, I really started to slow down. I actually almost slowed down one minute per mile. It was a little bit frustrating, but that's whatever.

At about mile ten, I started to feel like I was hitting the wall. I had run completely out of energy gels at that point and was just ready to give up. Actually, I REALLY wanted to give up. That only lasted for a mile or so and I was back on track. I felt really good ending the run, too.

I've never actually run 14 miles outside of a race before. Crazy.
It was good though.

In other news, today was the official last day of running with my current shoes. I'm getting some new ones on Tuesday before my four miler. I'm excited, but sad. These shoes have given me lots and lots of miles and many races in the past few months. It is also beyond time to get new shoes. My feet are a little achy.

So the shoes are going into retirement. I wish I knew what to do with old running shoes. I could donate them, but I feel kind of attached to them after all of this time. It's tough to let go. Haha. I sound ridiculous.

Goal: 1000 miles/366 days
So far: 431.41 miles/211 days
To go: 568.59 miles/155 days

Training Week Six Day Four!

Today was a four miler. I took Katherine with me and we ended up doing almost four and a half miles.

I was feeling extremely tired the entire time, but I'm really glad that I got it done. It was hot and my body was just annoyed that I kept going when I just wanted to be lazy. I definitely haven't gotten that obese girl out of me yet. I still have MANY days when I feel like I'm still the girl who just wants to sit around all of the time. The difference is that I am able to push past it now and keep going. There's a sense of courage or something in me that can go further than I expect some days.

Tomorrow is a LONG run day and I'm a little nervous. Fourteen miles...

Goal: 1000 miles/366 days
So far: 417.38 miles/210 days
To go: 582.62 miles/156 days

Finishing Week 4 of Training!!

I just got home from this week's long run! Woo! It was ten miles, so a little shorter than last week, but went okay. But hey, let's backtrack!

Friday was a 6 miler. It was ROUGH. I feel like my legs were pretty tight and that I really just struggled to get through it. I ended up with a just over 13 minute pace, which I guess isn't awful. I was disappointed, because I did so well on the 6 miler I had done earlier in the week that I thought I could continue on at that pace. Unfortunately that didn't work out on Friday. It was definitely hotter on Friday, too. I did persevere and finish, though. I didn't really want to during some of the run, buuut... I did it. I finished at just over 6 miles at a 13-something pace. Not terrible.. but not incredible either. Oh well.

(Shout out to Kath though. I sat down and called her and asked her to say encouraging things in the middle of my run. She came out and met me to keep me company on the run back home.)

Today, I had 10 miles! First, I worked this morning, which made me more tired than I anticipated. I got home and got changed to run without being too mopey about it. (I'm actually starting to get excited about this running thing, which is SO cool. and unexpected.) Kath went with me! We usually go out and back on a path near our apartment, but this time we decided to keep going when we got to the end of the path. We went around and back on the sidewalks rather than the path, which was fun. Sometimes, it's exhausting going out and then turning back. It was fun to change it up!

We had a great pace (about 14:30 for the first 7 miles) Then we slowed to a walk. My left hip was starting to bother me a little. It almost felt like it was tight and that it needed stretched out. I stopped and stretched a handful of times, but it only would get better for like fifteen minutes and then tighten up again. I'm a little worried about it, but tomorrow is a rest day and then on Tuesday, I'll just see how it feels when it's time to run again. I'll make a decision on Tuesday about whether I should run or not. Fortunately, this week at work should be pretty easy. I don't have stocking shifts and the shifts that I do have are pretty short. I won't be straining my muscles, that's for sure.

I'm really sore right now. It's weird how achy my muscles get after a long run. I'm really not accustomed to it, considering how awful I have been at following through with training for races. This is the first race that I've actually trained properly for. Crazy.

And with that... Week four of training is now complete. Oh SNAP!

Goal: 1000 miles/366 days
So far: 361.44 miles/197 days
To go: 638.56 miles/169 days

(almost in the 400s! Wooo)

Exciting Run!! (Chicago Training Days 16 and 17)

I'm so excited about my run today!!! (I'm also not sure I have ever actually written that in a blog post before.) Bear with me, though, because I have two training runs to write about.

Let's start with yesterday, because, chronologically, Tuesday comes before Wednesday. I do kind of enjoy being chronological from time to time.

Yesterday was a 4 mile "easy" run. I really struggled with it for some reason. I think that my muscles were pretty tight from work. I probably should have stretched before I went out to run. Actually, I generally should stretch more than I do.

Anyhow, yesterday was a really tough four miler. My pace ended up being close to 15 minutes per mile, which was awful, because it was such a short run. I walked almost the same amount as I ran. I'm a little disappointed in myself, but I am glad that I got the mileage in. I know that I took so much time off of running for several months, which is much of why it is so difficult to get myself back to where I was before. (Although where I was before really wasn't so impressive either.)

I guess that it wasn't terrible and I didn't only walk the entire time. I switched it up a little. I'm going to try adding some stretching into my routing.

--

Today was a 6 miler. I went into it with a little bit of a pessimistic attitutde. I thought that I would probably be too slow and actually spent several hours putting running off this morning. (the threat of thunderstorms did not help push me out the door.) Eventually, after I ran out of excuses (and bad television to watch. ha.), I got dressed for my run and went outside.

My first mile was just over twelve minutes which was decent. I can (and usually do) run my first mile in a little over ten minutes and then continuously slow my pace for the rest of the run. I decided to try to push it a little bit more than usual today. When I checked my average pace again, when I was at about two miles, I was at about a 12:20 pace, so I had cut some time off. That wasn't too bad, so I kept pushing it. At three miles, I had slown down a little and was at a 12:58 pace. That's when I decided that I'd finish in under 13 minutes.

I don't believe that I've ever run a training race longer than 3 miles in under a 13 pace. Even my fastest half marathon is at just OVER a 13 minute pace. I just checked and the only 10k race that I've done was a 12:08 pace. I think that's the only time I've actually run a decent distance at that pace.

Anyways, I finished in a 12:55 pace. I slowed down a lot during the last mile. I tried really hard to continue pushing it, but just had to slow down. I am definitely a little disappointed in that, because, at 5 miles, I was at 12:45.

However, I'm really excited that I finished in the time that I did! I feel like I'm starting to finally improve in ways that I was beginning to give up on.

The only major change that I need to make is that I  need to crosstrain and that I need to start lifting weights more. I haven't lifted in a long time. ...and I miss it. Just a thought...

Goal: 1000 miles/366 days
So far: 341.24 miles/193 days
To go: 658.76 miles/173 days

Finishing out week TWO: Days 9 and 10

I've been doing okay at my running, but terrible at my blogging about it. Oops!

My work schedule has been a little different this week than the past few weeks. I've been working a lot more during the day and not at night, which makes it a little tough. I LOVE running during the day, when it is beautiful outside. Running at night creeps me out a little bit, although it is a little cooler out. It's a give and take, I guess.

Anyways, so instead of running before work, I've been running after work, which has been pretty intense. I'm trying not to overexert myself. At the same time, I don't want to miss any training runs unless I really need to. It just is really difficult to time manage.. and I know that it is going to get worse. School starts again in a month and a half. (right about at the time when training is really going to kick up.)

...I'm getting really overwhelmed.

It has been crazy hot out for a week or so. (ever since the week of rain ended. ...I complain too much.) So I've been running at an extremely slow pace. Extremely. Is snail crawl a pace? ha. I'm kidding. A little. I have SO many races to think about, which I love. I'm just so overwhelmed. Starting Labor Day weekend, I literally have at least one race a month until... January (unless I decide to do the Princess again next year. That's probably ...a 70% chance). That feels intense to me. Add school, plus I REALLY need a full time job. ...it all feels like a lot right now.

I'm a decent time manager. I just have to prioritize my "free" time in order to get important things accomplish. (that is a task that I am working on... and slowly improving.)

I ran 9 miles today. It was really tough at first, but I got into it at about mile 3 or so. Then I did pretty well. I cut a few minutes off of my 9 miler from last week. I think I'm doing okay. I just wish I was doing better. I know that there is definitely room for improvement. Always.

My long run for week three is 11 miles. Kath and I have planned out our route and everything. We're going to run to Panera and back! I'm excited.

(shout out to Megi for being encouraging while I had a brief freak out about everything to do with running. I love having friends that run.)

Goal: 1000 miles/366 days
So far: 299.1 miles/184 days
To go: 700.9 miles/182 days

(p.s. OMG. 299?! I should've thrown in an extra mile for good measure!)

Chicago Training: Day Eight!

Today was a crazy day. I had lunch and several hours of shopping with a friend (mostly she shopped and I was there for moral support.  haha.). Then went out for dinner and watched some tv with the bestest friend. I looked at some job openings and stuff. ...aaaand I ran! Woo hoo.

I just did a little over 3 miles today, which was planned. I'm pretty excited about it. I haven't missed a run yet and I'm halfway through week two of training.

Today's run was really slow, with lots of walking. I'm okay with it though, because I still went out there and did it. I don't feel like I chickened out. I definitely could have pushed myself a little harder, but I think I did alright.

Officially Goofy Challenge training starts next week. I'm not sure how I'm going to train for both. Hm.. Life is likely to get a little bit crazy. I really need a full time job soon. I'm beyond broke at the moment. (which cuts into my race funds! SAD!)

Goal: 1000 miles/366 days
So far: 283.54 miles/180 days
To go: 716.46 miles/186 days

time goes by too quickly.

Goodness! Life can be exhausting. I'm laying here on the futon, watching Dexter, and feeling like I could just go to sleep at any moment. I mean, obviously, I'm not going to fall asleep right now, because I'm writing, but I definitely could. Some spring break! haha. No partying, no drinking, no beach... just exhaustion left over from the past two months of the semester. Oh grad school.

Today, I wanted to run about 10 miles or so, but it didn't really work out. I ended up going to Track Shack, the local running shop, to help a friend buy her first pair of running shoes. I'm excited to have a part in initiating people into the running community. It was super worth the effort, though. So fun. But that cut back on my running time. My grandparents are in town, so I had to get some miles in between my grandparents coming to my apartment and dropping my friend back off after the shopping extravaganza.

I ended up running just over 7 miles... a little disappointing, but I was tired anyways.

Tomorrow, I'm hoping to actually fit a long run in, because Friday starts my work week again. (already!) Then spring break will be over already... and back to reality. It's crazy how time flies, sometimes.

I'm super excited to get my tax refund check, though, because that means that I can sign up for a few more races! Woo hoo!

Goal: 1000 miles/366 days
So far: 176.57 miles/67 days
To go: 823.43 miles/299 days

very hot 7 mile run today.

Happy Saturday!

Last night, I had to close stock, so I was at work until about 2 am or so, which made me not really anticipate being able to get up and run today. I was hoping that I'd  be able to, though. And I was!

I ended up waking up at 10 this morning and hung around a little bit before I went out for a run. For some reason, I definitely didn't check the weather before I left and it was almost unbearably hot for a little bit. I also wore a cotton t-shirt rather than a moisture wicking shirt, so that probably didn't help my heat and the sweating.  It was definitely a tough run. I ended up finishing 7 miles, though, which was my goal. I was a little slower than I wanted my pace to be, but maybe I just set my goals a little high. I don't know.

I am glad that I've started getting myself  moving again. It's fantastic that I got myself running again after a short-ish dry spell. I haven't been able to get myself out there after a dry spell very well before (usually it takes a race or someone pushing me out the door). I'm glad that I was able to do it. Yay me.

I'm getting pretty excited for my race next weekend! I'm actually shocked that it's next week! Princess Half Marathon Weekend. I'm hoping that I'll be able to do well without being overly paranoid about the fact that last year at the Princess Half Marathon, I almost got picked up by the sweeper. I was definitely injured and had a sprained ankle and I know that was part of the reason that I had such a hard time. The only problem is that it has been stuck in my mind ever since. I just don't want to ever be so close to the sweeper bus again. Ever. In my life.

I hate to cut it short, but I have to head to work (boo!).

Goal: 1000 miles/366 days
So far: 132.62 miles/49 days
To go: 867.38 miles/317 days

Dick Batchelor's Race for the Children 5k: the Recap

Today was 5k day! Naturally, I didn't sleep last night. Maybe I should start taking sleeping pills on the night before a race. That seems like it would be the only logical way to beat the pre-race nerves. I think that no matter what the race distance is, I have a tough time getting mentally prepared for it. I think about previous race PR's and how fast I want to run. I really give my mind a rough time.

So my goal was to PR. The last 5k that I ran (besides Disney, in which I stopped for a ton of pictures) was a year and a half ago. It was about a week before I moved from Indiana and it was along the parade route of my favorite hometown summer parade. It was so fun! So my goal was to beat that time... and to get 12 minute miles, flat.

However, I had a few problems that could get in the way:

• I got no sleep the night before (so frustrating)
• Like a moron, I ran 10 miles yesterday. When I run long distance, I still clench up my back a lot. Thus, my back was KILLING me all night.
• I am still slow. Like I was a year and a half ago... even though I have lost 10 pounds since then. Just saying. 
• It was a "fun run", so no official timing. I'd have to go entirely by my GPS.. so I'd have to start it just on time and stop it just on time.

So commence the run.

Mile 1

Mile 1 was good. I was ahead of my 12 minute mile pace and it was super fun to run though the Universal Parks. Living in Orlando for a year, I still have never been to Universal. That is partially because I go to school full time and work for the mouse. It's also partially because I'm lazy. haha. So mile 1 went well. I was under a twelve minute pace when I got to the mile marker. Most of the mile was through CityWalk and just entering the actual park.

Mile 2

I was still going strong at the beginning of mile 2. I wanted to run the whole thing, but my back was telling me no! ha. So I ended up walking a little bit during mile 2. We got to run through Hogsmeade, which was the best part, by far. I'm sooo looking forward to going to Universal just to see the Harry Potter area. Someday, hopefully soon(ish). That was so exciting. I ended up slowing down my pace too much during mile 2 and ended up with a 12:22 pace when I got to the mile marker. 

Mile 3 

During mile 3, it was all about trying to get my PR. I pushed it. I did walk a little bit and stopped at a water station. I don't know why I stopped, because I was close enough to the finish to just push it through. That probably cost me about 30-40 seconds. I was super excited when we were almost there and I felt like I might be able to make it and PR, even though I had walked and stopped for water. The finish was spectacular, but aren't they all?

I ended up with 38:37 (according to the GPS), which I knew was close to my previous personal record.

When we got back to the car, naturally, I looked up my PR on my phone and found that... it was 38:37. Initially, I was pissed. Then I decided to give myself the benefit of the doubt, because I waited at least two seconds before I turned off my GPS. haha. I am way too uptight.

Anyways. Good race. 

The first picture is an image of my finishing the Three Rivers Runners on parade in July 2010. That was my first 5k and a really fun race. 

The bottom picture is me after finishing the race today. Good times.

Lots of things in my life have changed in the past year and a half Running will pretty much always be there for me though.




So far: 95.11 miles/28 days
To go: 904.89 miles/338 days

Pushing forward

I went on a short two and a half mile run today. I planned on running about three miles and then I overslept and had to cut it even shorter.

I guess it was okay, because of the pain that I had yesterday, I definitely needed to take it easy today. My run was pretty slow. (My Garmin says 14:34 pace.) It wasn't too bad, actually. I didn't have much pain, except for a healing blister on the bottom of my left foot from the marathon two weeks ago.

I'm glad that I went though, because a lot of times that I plan to run and then something happens that gets in the way, like oversleeping, I end up giving up and not going out at all. I'm full of excuses. It is tough, though, to work past those fitness excuses and actually be a person who works hard at what I want to do and who I want to be. I have so many goals for myself that I have to keep pushing forward. That's the only choice.

In running, it's one step in front of the other. Always.

Tomorrow is a long run day. I'm nervous. We'll see how it goes.

So far: 68.61 miles/20 days
To go: 931.9/346 days

the hard times remind me to recognize the easier moments in life

I'm really having a hard time getting myself up and out there running this week. I think it might be because I don't have any runs lined up anytime soon. I'm thinking about running a 5k in a week with Katherine, just to get myself back into it. (first, I have to convince Kath to do it, though.) OR, there is a race this Saturday, a 5.2k (random), but I don't have anybody to run it with. So that's a decision I need to make soon. I just really like races, I guess. It helps me to have goals to keep going.

So anyways, today I got myself out and went on a run. Yay for me. It was a plan to run for 6 miles and the goal was to try to pace it out pretty well. I noticed in some of the video and pictures from Disney Marathon  Weekend that I take really short strides and that I don't really lift my feet when I run. I feel like if I put some effort into my stride, I might be able to easily speed my pace up a lot. So I worked on that and was doing pretty well for the first 3 miles or so.. then the pain started to set in.

So, I ran about three and a half miles and then walked a little less than three miles.

I'm just frustrated that I've set this major goals for myself and I really want to get myself in the best shape of my life this year and it's so difficult when I have major pain in my body. I understand that I'm [still] overweight and that I have to give myself time to allow my body to adjust to what I want to do. I just feel like this is something I've been working on for two and a half years... and in that time I've run 8 half marathons, 2 full marathons, and 2 5ks. Why should it still be so rough?

I know that it's just one step in front of the other, but in some ways it feels like so much more than that. It feels like my journey should be moving faster than it has and it is frustrating. I don't know anymore... I want to be a runner.

I just still feel like I'm that obese girl who drinks a case of Mountain Dew every week. I know I've come a long way since then, but it really just feels like

I guess I'm just struggling today.
Tomorrow may be better. I hope.

I know that today's run was rough, BUT I kept moving. I know that I have come a long way in my journey. I know that it is the little moments in life that get me through. It's just hard to look at things through that perspective sometimes.

So far: 66.1 miles/19 days
To go: 933.9 miles/347 days

Disney Marathon Weekend Day One: Family Fiesta 5k

Last weekend was Disney Marathon Weekend! If you can imagine every emotion on earth, that's how I felt going into it. I felt undertrained, unfit, nervous, terrified, excited, anxious, happy, and so on. It was crazy. Last year, I ran Goofy's Race and a Half Challenge- a half marathon Saturday and a full on Sunday. Last year, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. It was my first full marathon. This year, I threw in an extra 5k, making it 42 miles in three days. This time, I knew what I was getting myself into and it made me more anxious.

I'm going to blog separately about each race in order to make it more concise and easy to read. Anyways, this is day one: Family Fiesta 5k.

By "Day One", I mean beyond too early in the morning. I got up at 4:30ish to get ready and head out to the bus stop. The best part about Disney races is the fact that, if you stay on property, the continuous Disney transportation will get you to the races on time (assuming you get to the bus stop on time. ha.).

Needless to say, it was cold. Actually, it has been warmer than usual this winter. Well, it has only been my second winter in Florida, but last year it was colder, from what I remember. It is definitely much warmer than my 23 winters that I spent in Indiana. haha. However, it cooled off over the weekend for sure. It was slightly miserable each morning, but warmed up throughout the day. Friday, I forced Katherine to go with me to spectate, because that's the kind of best friend I am (mean and demanding. haha).

I wasn't too worried about the 5k. The game plan was to have a good time and stop and take lots of pictures. The game plan was to run the whole thing, except when stopping for pictures. I tend to do more of a run/walk combination, but 2012 is all about getting faster, adding speed and endurance to my running.

We got off of the bus at EPCOT and walked over to the start, where Katherine and I stood and talked a little. Actually, I had a spontaneous dance party while Kath laughed and sort of participated. Not long after we got there, my mom and sister showed up! I was super excited, because I wasn't sure if they would make it. They flew in pretty late the night before. So that was exciting.

There were about 8,000 runners who did the 5k with me, so that was a little overwhelming. I've done big races and very small races, but outside of Disney, the amount of runners in a race is miniscule in comparison. I mean, the first half marathon that I did had about 5,000 participants, so a 5k with 8,000 felt insane to me. It was super fun though.

The race went through EPCOT. There were a lot of characters out cheering along the way, taking pictures and waving to runners as they (we) went by. It was super fun. I stopped for the majority of the pictures. I would have stopped for more, but I accidentally put my sister's contacts in when I got up instead of my own and, thus, could not see. Believe me when I say that distance running without vision is terrible.

I have no idea what my finishing time was, but I do know that I had an awesome time and that it was a great way to start off my weekend of running.

And afterward I had to get a picture with Donald in the park:

Anyhow, that's part one of my three part blog on the Disney Marathon Weekend.

Update on my 2012 running goal:

So far: 49.03 miles/11 days

To go: 950.97 miles/355 days

Ending Epilepsy Awareness Month

I've been doing a terrible job of being a regular blogger. That's embarassing. Sorry to all my loyal blog readers.

In my defense, I've been overwhelmingly busy with school, work, and life. I've been trying my best to become as fit as is possible. It definitely has not been the most easy thing that I've ever done. Every time that I go to the gym, I push beyond some barrier that I have had. I am continually impressing myself, even though I don't talk about it much. It's really hard for me to see physical changes in my body when I look in the mirror, but I can tell that things have changed when I continually have more endurace and strength at the gym or in a run.

The most intense struggle is still food for me. I do feel like I have been improving on the eating front. I'm definitely not at the point that I should be... and I know that if I spent more time focused on what I was eating and eating correctly, I'd be much closer to my weight goal than I am right now. I have noticed that when I am stressed out and overwhelmed, I turn to food that I know is terrible. For instance, for the last week and a half or so I've been really stressed out with school and work.. and instead of making healthy food choices, I've been eating an immense amount of greasy, high calorie, disgusting foods... food options that don't really even taste that good. Clearly, I'm still an emotional eater.

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Anyways, that wasn't the purpose of this post. As some of you know, I am a person living with epilepsy... not only that, but I'm a person with epilepsy whose father passed away unexpectedly from a seizure. As not many of you probably know, November is Epilepsy Awareness Month.

As someone with epilepsy, I wanted to do something big this month. I wanted to raise lots of money to donate to the Epilepsy Foundation of America... but I didn't. I wanted to have some event in which everyone in my community would learn about epilepsy and understand what it is like. I didn't do that either. I mostly just talked about it in facebook posts, with my roommate, with my family members... and tried to learn as much new information as I could.

My diagnosis came more than two and a half years ago. I first started having complex partial seizures in the late fall of 2008, but I didn't know what they were. I thought I was having some kind of a schizophrenic attack (thank you for the paranoia, psychology degree), so I didn't tell anybody. Eventually, I was having complex partial seizures every day... at least once. It was so overwhelming to think that I had such terrible schizophrenia.

I had my first grad mal seizure in February of 2009. I was at work in an on campus food court, chopping lettuce, when I started to feel one of the "attacks" that I had been accustomed to. My vision started to fade and the last thing that I remember seeing was the lettuce starting to turn spotty in front of me. The feeling was absolutely overwhelming. After that, I felt like I was dreaming. I was floating through clouds and the feeling was absolutely peaceful. Then I woke up, looked around, and saw a half dozen people standing around me in a circle. I had no idea what had just happened. Everything after that is a little bit of a blur. I know that lots of people were asking me questions. I know that someone gave me orange juice (and I was worried that they'd charge me for it, because I didn't have any money on me that day). I know that someone got a chair for me from the  managers' office... and I know someone asked me about epilepsy and seizures.

From that moment forward, I was convinced that I had epilepsy. I researched it and everything fit. However, lots of testing came first... I had an EEG, an MRI, I wore a heart monitor for a day.. I had an ultrasound of my heart. Everything came back fairly normal. (Can I just tell you that EEGs are the strangest tests that exist? I literally had wires glued to my scalp.) I was told that I probably had an episode of syncope. Basically, regardless of everything that I said, I was told that I only fainted and to not worry about it. Something about how I didn't have enough breakfast, although I had a bagel that day and most of the time, I didn't eat anything.

I continued to have complex partial seizures frequently. Sometimes they were so horrible that I would vomit afterward. It was such a tough experience for me, because I knew that something was very wrong, but I was feeling as though nobody was interested in hearing about it from me.

Fast forward a few months to June of 2009, I had a second grand mal seizure in my sleep. I woke up my roommate with a horrible scream noise when my seizure began and she wrote down everything that she saw. She was well aware of my frustrations with going through a medical challenge with no real answer. I called my mom, who drove me to a different hospital than I had visited the first time. I saw a doctor who quickly diagnosed me with complex partial temporal epilepsy. When I heard that, I was relieved. An answer. Finally. (yes, I didn't know what the hell "complex partial temporal meant", but it was something.)

Since then, I have learned a lot about epilepsy, about seizures, and have felt a great connection to a group of people who also live with epilepsy. I've begun to feel very driven to help other people who are struggling with seizures on a daily basis... and those who have yet to be diagnosed. I mean, I thought I had schizophrenia, a friend of mine thought she had a brain tumor... the fact that we don't talk about epilepsy definitely says something awful. We need to talk about it. The world needs to know what seizure are, what epilepsy is, and what to do if someone has a seizure.

People die from seizures every day. My dad did. He was one of my heroes as a child (along with Abe Lincoln and Laura Ingalls Wilder). The world needs to know how prevalent epilepsy and SUDEP (sudden unexpected death from epilepsy) is. Three million people live with epilepsy... in the United States alone. Something needs to be done.

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Last Thursday, on Thanksgiving, I ran a half marathon in memory of my dad. I wore a purple shirt for Epilepsy Awareness with a photograph of my dad on the back.

I wanted to PR in the race, I wanted to do really well... I wanted lots of people to see my shirt and feel like they wanted to learn more about epilepsy.

I ended up getting the PR that I wanted. I finished the race in 2:50.34 which is SIX minutes faster than my previous best time. People commented on my shirt along the way. I was beyond pleased with the race, with my time, with everything.

I ran the race for my dad, for epilepsy awareness... and I felt like my dad was with me the entire time.

November is ending, yes. However, we still must be aware. We have to talk about epilepsy... to learn about it, care about it. It is imperative.

I will continue to advocate for those with epilepsy, for myself. I don't want anyone else to die from a seizure. I don't want anybody to lose a parent at a young age as I did. I don't want people to be afraid of strange feelings, thinking they are something other than what they are. I want everyone to talk about epilepsy, to understand it... it will save so much struggle in the end.

My epilepsy awareness race shirt:

Sick and disappointed.

I am sick today. Actually, I haven't felt this sick since I started my epilepsy medicine. My entire brain aches. I had hoped to get a lot accomplished today, but unfortunately, I did not have the energy. I hardly have had enough energy to get out of bed or even sit up. It's terrible.

I'm just disappointed that I haven't worked out today. I set a one month goal and I'm not going to be able to finish it. That sucks. Eh. Whatever.

Here are my race medals. Just a little photo since I can hardly think enough to write anything of substance whatsoever.