Boston has meant a lot to me since I began running. I have this slightly crazy hope that, someday, I will make it to that race. I have hours to cut off of my marathon time in order to just qualify, but I am (and always have been) a dreamer, so I am hopeful.
Last year, I was at work on the day of Boston. I remember being disappointed, because I would not be able to watch the race online like I had for the previous several years. I checked on the race via my phone a few times during the day. I vividly remember standing next to the elevator with my friend, Kristen, when I got a Facebook notification that someone had commented on the status that I had posted earlier in the day, that I was excited about the race (and about Abe Lincoln, but that's a different story) and that it would be a good day. A friend of mine had commented that it was not a good day in Boston. That's when I checked all of the major news outlets and my heart broke.
I remember that Kristen and I stepped into the elevator and went straight downstairs to the break room to watch the news. It was awful. I could hardly go back to work. I had to keep going back to watch the news, over and over, for the rest of the day. I ran into a friend who had thought that I might actually be in Boston.. she had been worried about me all day. When I got home, I could not walk away from the news, either. Eventually, I did drag myself away to go for a run.
It took me a while to actually feel back to normal... and I was not even in Boston. I was just a girl who had run a handful of marathons (and a lot of half marathons) who had dreams of crossing the finish line in Boston. I was sad, hurt, angry... so many things. I couldn't stop thinking about it for several days.
I still feel so many of those feelings, but I also feel empowered. Someday, I will be in Boston on Patriot's Day, whether it be to run or to volunteer. I would just love to take part in the event.
The next race afterward was the Geist Half. I ran it for Boston.