Wipe out!

I've had the most intense week and a half.
I'm not even 100% where to start with this. It's been so crazy.

I think I wrote about it, but last Monday, I was in a car accident. I've had my car in the shop since last Saturday and it's been so frustrating to not have a car. I should have gotten a rental car, but I really thought I'd have my car back by now. I know that it's not really anybody's specific fault. It's just a frustrating situation. I should have my car back early next week. (fingers crossed!)
[I'm super thankful for having a really awesome best friend who has been willing to go out of her way to drive me around.]

That's her!

So anyways, I have been majorly slacking on my running lately. I've also been extremely stressed out about school and my car. I've been putting in a lot of time looking for a full time job. I'm two weeks away from being 26, which means that I come off of my mom's health insurance soon. (as a person with epilepsy, it is pretty important that I stay insured.) I've had a lot on my mind. I guess that running hasn't been working out so well for me. I do need to try to keep my focus though. It's really a prime example of how life can knock a person down... and then kick the same person at the same time. (a few times.) That's sort of what I feel like I've been dealing with lately.

So. I have two runs that I haven't posted about. It's been a week since I've last posted and I've only run twice. That's a little bit sad. But oh well. It's all in having a positive attitude. I just have to keep picking myself up every day. 

Last Thursday, I went for a run after class. I went to the gym with a friend from class. It was fun. We ran on the treadmill, which I hate, but we talked a lot and it was fun. It didn't even feel like I spent an hour on the treadmill. I'm glad I did it! I almost didn't go to the gym, because I had opened at work. Then I had three hours of class. I just didn't want to deal with it. I did, though. I ended up with about four and a quarter miles in a little over an hour. Not terrible.

Today, I opened at work. I was super upset when I got home, because I thought that I'd get to pick up my car today. No such luck. Anyways, I decided that I wasn't going to run today. Then, Katherine got home. She convinced me to run with her. We actually had an awesome run! We aimed for 5 miles, but saw a thunderstorm coming, so we decided to just wing it. We did end up making it to 5 miles! However, I definitely tripped over something. (I'm still not sure what.) I fell hard onto the ground. I skinned two knees and both hands. I feel like I bruised my shoulder, too, but I'm not 100% sure about that. I haven't looked yet. 

It was a little funny, because, when I fell, I jumped right back up because I was worried about my Garmin and my pace. haha. That's a sign of a certain kind of runner. ;-) Anyways, we kept going (after slowing down a lot) and still finished the 5 miles. I'm definitely glad I went today!!

Battle wounds. haha.

Anyways, fun times. hopefully, I get my car back soon. 

Goal: 1000 miles/366 days

So far: 611.8 miles/264 days

To go: 388.2 miles/102 days

Huge milestone: 600 miles!

I feel like I have been so exhausted lately that I haven't had much to say in this blog. It's awful. I've been so busy managing school, work, and running and combining it with looking for a "real" job that I just haven't had time to think through my thoughts, let alone write them down. However, here I am, trying my hardest to put my thoughts into words.

I was in a car accident on the way to work on Monday. It was fairly minor, but it was my fault and I feel like an idiot. I wasn't paying attention for a second. That's all it takes. I'm an intelligent enough person to k now that I need to do better... and be better. I'm a little disgusted with myself. ..that's life though. I'll move on and things will get better.

Today, I opened at work, then worked 7-4:30. On my way home, I was exhausted. I didn't want to run, but I knew that I had to. I knew that I needed to stick to the training plan. Chicago is just a few weeks away and I want to do the best that I can.

So Kath and I did a 10 miler today. It got dark in the middle of it, which was good and bad. Unfortunately, the path we run on is not well lit, so we had to do a few laps around out apartment complex. (That is NOT my favorite thing to do, by the way.) I think I need a headlamp for night runs. For real. It was nice and cool out, though, which was fantastic! I'm very excited about the weather!!

I'm toying with the idea of going to the gym to get my 4 miler in after class. I will open at work again, then will go straight to class.. so I would be on campus anyways. I just really don't like treadmill running at all. It would be nice to get it done, though... I don't know. We'll see what I decide.

So that's it. Oh! I've hit 600 miles for the year! Yeaaaaaaaah!!! I'm getting closer and closer to my goal.
(I am in the 300s left toward my goal!)

Goal: 1000 miles/366 days
So far: 602.51 miles/256 days
To go: 397.49 miles/110 days

Time management: graduate school + running + work

It's definitely starting to get real.. training plus school plus work. I'm starting to feel a bit of a struggle in managing things, but I think that it's mostly just me being anxious about it. It's something that I can get over. I just have to work really hard at following a schedule.

For instance: today I had a lot of reading to do before class, a 7 mile run on the schedule, and a class from 6-9. I WAY overslept (until past 11. gross.), but got up and went out for the 7 miler at about 2. I wanted to wait a little longer in case it would cool off a little, but a storm was going to be rolling in, so I just sucked it up and went. At first, I was miserable. It was hot. I felt like I was going to melt. After a few miles and an energy gel, I started moving pretty well. I got into a groove and decided to turn the 7 mile run into an 8 mile run. (I was scheduled 8 miles tomorrow and I have less time in the day than I did today...)

When I got to 6.5, the storm that I was trying not to get caught by started rolling in. That should have been my sign to just go home. I kept going. I ended up in a torrential downpour. I don't think I've ever come home from a run dripping wet the way that I was. It was insane. I actually had a lot of fun though. The rain cooled things off a lot and I actually was able to speed up. ...or maybe that was because of the thunder. ha.

Anyways. It's beyond sleeptime for me! I have studying, running, and work tomorrow. (Yeah me..!)

Goal: 1000 miles/366 days
So far: 565.04 miles/250 days
To go: 434.96 miles/116 days

Still pushing through...

Being back in the swing of life is exhausting! Yesterday, I was a little busy getting some things accomplished before my softball game (that got rained out. we're three for three on rain outs... Go us!), but I was still able to get a 4 miler in. Today, all I had planned was homework, job searching, and my run, but it was rough! (tomorrow is another run and class.) It's been tough to manage my time since I got back from California. It doesn't help that my body had just gotten used to west coast time when it was time to come back to Florida.

Today was a 9 mile run. It was hot. Miserably so. I really didn't feel like being out there the entire time that I was there. It was a little awful. I wanted to quit the entire time. There's something inside of me that doesn't give up, though. I continued to push forward throughout the entire run and ended up with a just under 15 minute mile pace. Normally, I'd be disappointed, but today, I just wasn't interested in running, so it was okay.

Sometimes, what counts the most is getting out there and doing it. Today was one of those days. Tomorrow may be better... I hope.

Goal: 1000 miles/366 days
So far: 557.04 miles/249 days
To go: 442.96 miles/117 days

Too many excuses, not enough work...

My mileage so far this week has been awful. So awful that I've come up with an excuse for it. Are you ready?

I probably should be tapering anyways so I don't kill all of my energy before Disneyland next weekend.

Good excuse or poor excuse, I'm not sure, but I'm embarrassed. There is no excuse for me not wanting to do my runs, but I just haven't wanted to. I haven't felt like it. Awful, right?

First, I'm dog sitting. This is Finn (and Katherine):

Don't get me wrong. I love dogs. Finn is one of the most laid back dogs that I have ever met. Yet, I find myself feeling bad for leaving him alone for periods of time, because I know he's already stressed out that his dad went on a cruise without him. He also wakes me up before I want to wake up because he needs to go outside. Generally, he's a great dog, though, so I'm lucky as far as that goes. I'm also staying at Finn's (Seth's) apartment right now. That means new running routes that I have to figure out on my own. Another excuse.

Along with that, I've been missing this face for the past week:

On Wednesday, my car wouldn't start. A new alternator and new battery later, I have Lola the car back, but not without a hefty bill. Just what I needed.

Yesterday, class started for me for the semester! Woo hoo! I'm so close to my Masters, I can almost feel it. I'm just exhausted and stressed out about it already. I have really high expectations for myself this semester. I know that I CAN do it. I just need to push myself hard enough to do it. I'm also REALLY stressed about finding a full time job in my field. I don't even know where to begin my search.

So. Much. Stress.
So that's why I've been slacking. Those are all of the excuses that I've been running through my head. I already know I won't be doing my 20 miler on Sunday. I'm planning to cut it to like... 9 or 10, because of time constraints and a semi-taper before California. Ugh.

I'm drained.

I did four miles on Tuesday after work and four miles today before work. I guess that's something.

Goal: 1000 miles/366 days
So far: 530.15 miles/237 days
To go: 469.85 miles/129 days

short & sweet 3 miler

Where does all of the time go in this life? I feel like this day just started, but in an hour, I'll be clocking in at work. That's insane to me. I don't understand how it all happens.

I don't really have time to write about today's run. It was rainy, but not scary stormy. I ran semi-quickly. A little over 12 minute miles, which is good for me, especially considering how awfully slow that I have been lately. Every day, I am getting better, regardless of how freaked out I am about Chicago. I have many MANY races to worry about before Chicago happens.

Anyways, just over three miles at just over a 12 minute pace. I'll take it.

Goal: 1000 miles/366 days
So far: 504 miles/230 days
To go: 496 miles/136 days

(p.s. oh wow! I didn't realize that I evened out my numbers today!)

Finishing out week TWO: Days 9 and 10

I've been doing okay at my running, but terrible at my blogging about it. Oops!

My work schedule has been a little different this week than the past few weeks. I've been working a lot more during the day and not at night, which makes it a little tough. I LOVE running during the day, when it is beautiful outside. Running at night creeps me out a little bit, although it is a little cooler out. It's a give and take, I guess.

Anyways, so instead of running before work, I've been running after work, which has been pretty intense. I'm trying not to overexert myself. At the same time, I don't want to miss any training runs unless I really need to. It just is really difficult to time manage.. and I know that it is going to get worse. School starts again in a month and a half. (right about at the time when training is really going to kick up.)

...I'm getting really overwhelmed.

It has been crazy hot out for a week or so. (ever since the week of rain ended. ...I complain too much.) So I've been running at an extremely slow pace. Extremely. Is snail crawl a pace? ha. I'm kidding. A little. I have SO many races to think about, which I love. I'm just so overwhelmed. Starting Labor Day weekend, I literally have at least one race a month until... January (unless I decide to do the Princess again next year. That's probably ...a 70% chance). That feels intense to me. Add school, plus I REALLY need a full time job. ...it all feels like a lot right now.

I'm a decent time manager. I just have to prioritize my "free" time in order to get important things accomplish. (that is a task that I am working on... and slowly improving.)

I ran 9 miles today. It was really tough at first, but I got into it at about mile 3 or so. Then I did pretty well. I cut a few minutes off of my 9 miler from last week. I think I'm doing okay. I just wish I was doing better. I know that there is definitely room for improvement. Always.

My long run for week three is 11 miles. Kath and I have planned out our route and everything. We're going to run to Panera and back! I'm excited.

(shout out to Megi for being encouraging while I had a brief freak out about everything to do with running. I love having friends that run.)

Goal: 1000 miles/366 days
So far: 299.1 miles/184 days
To go: 700.9 miles/182 days

(p.s. OMG. 299?! I should've thrown in an extra mile for good measure!)

like a hamster on a wheel.

Life can be overwhelming sometimes. I often wonder what happened to time.. or daylight, maybe. Didn't we just "save" daylight on Sunday? That's what I thought.

Somehow, my exhaustion from last month is carrying over into this month. I'm not where I wanted to be mileage, but right now I'm going back and forth on which is more important: running or school. Usually, school wins. Actually, I'm pretty sure school always needs to win. I WAS really dedicated to getting my goal a few months ago, but I feel like, with midterms and papers, my non-school goals are sort of falling by the wayside. It's sort of awful.

I sit here and go through the "what ifs" in my head sometimes. What IF I had a normal job when I wasn't working 3 pm to 1 or 2 am..? What IF I didn't have grad school on top of everything else? What IF I was more serious about it? What IF I didn't feel lazy much of the time? What IF I didn't let little setbacks hold me back for a long time? What IF I lived somewhere that I felt safe enough to run outside at night?

It's sort of crazy, because I know that I can't sit here and think about the "what if(s)" all of the time. I just do it anyways. Maybe I'm too hard on myself. (actually, let's be realistic... I KNOW that I'm too hard on myself.) It is really hard for me to get out of that frame of mind sometimes. I know how I SHOULD look at things, but then I see my mistakes or my misgivings and they seem pretty strong. I need to give myself more opportunities to make mistakes.

Anyways, today I had a midterm and spent much of the day trying to study and mentally prepare for it. (another reason I didn't run yesterday. I'm not sure if that's a valid excuse or not...) Kath and I decided to hit the gym tonight, so I decided that running on either the treadmill or on the track would work. I was WRONG.

I really struggled at the gym today. Kath and I lifted for a little bit, then went on the rower for about 15 minutes or so. After THAT, we hit the track. Sort of. I thought, maybe, we'd go five miles. Negative. Before we even got to one mile, I felt like I just didn't want to be there. I don't know what my problem is. So we ran/walked... and ran/walked some more. I started to feel like a hamster running on a wheel. It was a little bit miserable. I kept thinking about how I wanted to be outside and how much more freeing it is to run outdoors.

I just don't even know what to do anymore. I'm busy a lot of the time. I don't like running at night around here, but then again, I don't like treadmills and I don't like tracks. What else is there but for me to be whiny and complain-y? I need to open up my mind more, I guess. That's something that I need to think about.

Tomorrow I have a personal training session AND class. I'd love to fit in a run, too. I'm going to do my best. I'm logical enough to know that my best is all I can give. But I'm emotional enough to understand that sometimes my best doesn't FEEL like enough.

Goal: 1000 miles/366 days
So far: 187.71 miles/74 days
To go: 812.29 miles/292 days

February recap. and I'm back on the bandwagon.

This is going to be a two part update. First, I need to talk about my February running, then I'll write about today's run. Woo hoo!!

February was not my best running month. I'm still trying to figure out at what point I fell off of the wagon. I had a great January, but then some things just collapsed coming into February. I know I had some tests and papers due, but that's really no excuse. I guess that I just didn't do a good job, but there is still opportunity.

I ran two 5ks and a half marathon in February. It seems like most of my mileage ended up coming from races for the month and that I really only ran a few times on my own. Frustrating. I was talking to Katherine about it today and I feel committed to making March a really good month, getting plenty of mileage in. I'm excited that I've been able to stick with it so far, though, keeping my mileage somewhat close to what it should be.

I am definitely looking forward to the sun being out later and being able to have more time for an outdoor run in the late-ish afternoons. Yipee!

So my total mileage for February was...... 45.9. Not so good. :( I guess that's okay. There is still time to hit my goal this year.

---

Today, Kath and I went out for a run, even though I'm starting to feel a little sick. I'm super congested and my head is heavy. I had started to have some pretty intense sneezing, which sucks, but I still went out and ran with Kath. That was good, I guess. We did our usual route- out through the park near our apartment and back, which is a little under 6.5 miles.

I feel like I did a decent job pacing myself. We stayed under 15 minute miles the entire time, which was great because I didn't feel well and Katherine and I tend to be chatty and not run as quickly as we would by ourselves or during a race. I pushed myself decently hard- not so hard that I collapsed when I got home, but hard enough where I felt challenged through the whole time. That was fabulous. I wish we would have gone a little further, but there's only so much a person can do when feeling sick-ish.

My goal this week (spring break yeah!!) is to get a lot of mileage in. I need to get myself better prepared for races, because there's one in Jacksonville at the end of the month that Katherine and I are pretty set on doing. I'd like to PR again, because last time I raced in Jacksonville, I smashed my PR at the time, and I think I could do it again.

My body has really been responding to my workouts lately. I've taken off a lot of weight in the last few weeks, which is exciting, but also makes me worried. Last time I lost weight this fast was when I first started Weight Watchers three years ago, but I hit a plateau after the first few months of that. Hopefully I can stick to good choices this time. I gave up fast food for lent, so that's making an impact, too. I definitely want to have the healthiest lifestyle that I can.

Anyways, yeah... I ran today with Katherine. It was fun. The end.

Goal: 1000 miles/366 days
So far: 162.34/64 days
To go: 837.66 miles/302 days

grumpy gills

Life is exhausting. Sometimes, I do wonder if I have too much on my plate. Maybe I want too much for myself. Maybe my dreams are unattainable. I don't know today.

I don't know why I'm trying so hard to be fit. I don't understand why I read about it, think about it, act on it, spend money on it. I don't know why I love running races. If I didn't spend so much time working out, I'd have an extra 45 minutes to an hour or more to do something else. To eat. Brownies. Cookies. French Fries. Damn it. I just want to eat some brownies.

Ugh. I have nothing positive to say. Today went by too quickly. There's no time left. My time management skills flew out the window. I felt like an idiot in class and had nothing to contribute to discussion, and on and on and on and on.

I'm just a grumpy gills tonight.

too tired.

I'm exhausted.

Unfortunately, my workout for today has not been anything extravagant. I've just done some stretching. If you can count work as exercise, I did a lot of walking and plenty of lifting. I did some stairs. haha. However, I have been gone for 14 or so hours and I'm exhausted. I have studying to do and sleep to get so I can start it all over tomorrow. I am fortunate to have a job, though, and I'm very lucky that my body works enough to allow me to move all day long.

Also, although I feel like today was a cop out of a workout... by just stretching my aching muscles, that's okay, because yoga is important to so many people. Sometimes, I do need to slow down and look at things through a different light. I am trying.

trying to motivate myself to run again.

It seems like my ankle had some kind of horrible reaction to the tape that I was using for it. I have an itchy rash all over my foot and ankle, plus my skin is sort of rough and disgusting. If it isn't one thing, it's another with that ankle. I'm starting to worry that I'll never be able to run again. That's just my negativity talking. I know that I'll get out and run again. Naturally, I'll have to. It's the only way that I will be able to accomplish all of my lofty goals. haha.

I'm at least glad that I've been able to find other ways to get myself to the point that I want to. Weight lifting and other exercises have definitely been making a difference in my life. My body image is getting a little bit better, too. I am getting a little bit concerned about working my leg muscles at the same rate as my arms. Naturally, with grad school, work, studying, and everything else, I don't have time to go out to the gym daily. That cuts out a lot of the machines that I would be using for my legs. I am trying to be able to change up my exercises regularly and still work my leg muscles too. All of the noticeable changes thus far have been in my arms and my stomach, which is GREAT, but I'd like to see changes in my legs too. If I could run again, that would definitely solve that problem, but my ankle hurts every other day.

I'm writing a paper about governmental policy and interventions dealing with obesity in the United States... and naturally, with perfect timing, the food pyramid changed to a food plate today. That will definitely add quite an interesting angle to my research. I'm excited about it for sure. Most of my papers lately have dealt with social media, because that's primarily where my research interests lie, but my class this summer is a comm & government class, so I couldn't really figure out how to fit blogging or twitter into that box. I'm definitely interested in the fitness field (obviously), and learning more about it will definitely just drive that further.

I am interested to see how long this food plate lasts. I don't know a whole lot about it yet, just that it's already being highly criticized. I guess that I will find out a lot more about it while I'm researching all summer long.

I wish I could sign up for some races. I definitely need a race to motivate me. Unfortunately, I'm not sure that I can with the ankle pain that I'm in. I'm considering trying to find a short race- a 5k or something in order to get myself back out there again. I feel like I need to start slowly in that manner. Naturally, combined with lots of ice. haha. Maybe I will look into that tomorrow or Saturday. It's actually not a terrible idea.

at a turning point.... or a crossroads. if you will.

Goodness. Today, I'm exhausted.

I had a fantastic workout tonight. My day was somewhat... not great. Frustrating and whatever, but I felt like I was able to put a lot of my negativity into my work out. I did a lot of core exercises tonight- planks, crunches, and so on. My abs are definitely feeling a burn, which I am FOR SURE excited about. I do wish I wasn't so exhausted when I came home from work, though, because I feel like I want to be able to incorporate other exercises into my work outs- like different wii activities and whatnot, but it's hard when I'm already exhausted when I walk in the door. Somehow, I am going to need to catch up on sleep and stop being stressed out. (yeah. I wish.)

I'm excited for three days off of work this week. I only have two more days to work and then some time off! Yipee! (though, I'm going to have a ton of studying to do, I'm not thinking about that right now. I'm going to try to focus on all of the positives.) I wish that I had a job with my degree, because I am worn out what what I am doing. However, it's tough to find something that I really want to do while I'm working on my Masters WHILE I am school.

I'm going to try running again on Wednesday. I know my ankle isn't 100%. I know that it might do more damage than good. But Wednesday is National Running Day and I just really feel motivated to run. I'll probably do it at the gym on the treadmill and I will definitely incorporate a lot of walking. It's actually pretty unlikely that I will get many miles in. However, I really just want to start running again. I feel like if my ankle gets too bad, I will for sure have to make some sort of a change- like getting my crutches out again or going to see a doctor again. I'm not that excited about that possibility.

I do feel like I'm turning a page in my life. I'm dealing with a lot of negativity and frustration, but at the same time, I feel like I'm doing a lot of good. I'm making positive changes and trying my best to get myself to a point that I want to be. I have a pile of books about things that I think will help me along this path- books about running, races, triathlons, fitness, health- and other things, like politics haha. I'm trying to be well rounded. I feel like I'm taking the right steps, though it is extremely difficult to get to the point that I want to be at. I never expected it to be this hard. My life is definitely no fairy tale.

It takes a lot of hard work....

time flies.

When did time start to go by so quickly? I worked this morning, came home, ate, watched a movie/worked on homework, worked out, and now it's almost midnight? Seriously? And on top of that, tomorrow is already TUESDAY? I don't get it. How does time go by so quickly? I feel like there needs to be a few extra hours in the day so that I can get more accomplished. I don't feel like I'm that busy of an individual, but somehow, there is never enough time in the day. I still have lots of studying to do for Wednesday, a homework assignment, AND I have two days of training ahead of me. Then back to work I go... and the cycle continues.

Time management is still my big issue, I guess. I'm doing a little bit better, as I am starting to use my calendar to figure out how best to get things accomplished. Now I just have to put my planning into action. It's that separation that always gets to me. Urgh! lol.

I was reading some research articles and was reminded of  how one of my B.A.'s is in English. I found several spelling and grammar errors in the same article. I don't quite understand how that got by the editors. Maybe I should be a copy editor for a research journal... ha. I just have this thought that those in academia should have some understanding of grammar and their native language. Is that too much to ask? Anywaysssss....

I've been noticing at work that a lot of runners like to wear their race shirts after the race- out in public even. Well, naturally, I enjoy wearing my race shirts everywhere that I can. The unfortunate part of that is that many  of my race shirts are long sleeved and now that I live in Florida... there is only a limited time of the year that I can logically wear them. Unless I turn up my air conditioning REALLY high and then pretend I'm back in Indiana for the spring, fall, or winter. Good idea?

I'm excited to be able to hit the gym tomorrow and Wednesday. I don't know how I will find the time to get everything done that I need to get done between now and Thursday when I go back to work again, but somehow... there has to be away! It's almost like I went back a year to my schedule that I was in when I had three part time jobs and went to school as an undergraduate, except now it's one part time job that is extremely exhausting and only one summer class... and I'm trying to exercise more. Maybe it's the exercise. I don't know. It just feels like time has shortened in the last year. Hmm...

I did a pretty good job eating today. I actually didn't use my food journal, oopsies. I'm going to figure out how many calories that I actually consumed before I go to bed, but I watched what I ate and didn't go too out of control... I think. ;) My dinner was colorful, though, which is usually a positive thing. (unless it's like... a pizza or something with extra grease. oh gross.)

Allllrighty. Well, I'll have something new and exciting to talk about tomorrow evening after my gym date and Biggest Loser! Woo hoo!