tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-39739165098412547022024-03-14T05:33:06.422-04:00live a life of adventurealicia.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05515202435312839597noreply@blogger.comBlogger231125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3973916509841254702.post-83991254344813168622015-09-24T11:26:00.000-04:002015-09-24T11:26:43.720-04:00on a year in Indiana & the Chicago MarathonIt has been about a year since I moved back to Indiana from Florida. I have been very reflective for the past few weeks. I do blame social media a little bit for the daily reminders of what I did one year ago, but I would still be reflective.<br />
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I do miss Florida, so much. I miss the sun and the heat. I miss Disney days with my friends, going to the parks or Downtown Disney. I miss going to the different malls, walking around with my friends. I miss the Florida running, the races, the park that I ran in all year. Most of all, I miss all of the wonderful people who became my second family. You see, when you live 1000 miles from your biological family, you have to create a family for yourself. That's what I did. I think that is what makes me the most "Floridasick". I made the most incredible friendships in Florida, and I miss them. I am so lucky to have met people who now live all over the country, and some who live in other countries. I will always be grateful for the people that I have met in Florida.<br />
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& I will always feel that Orlando and Disney is a part of me, my second home.<br />
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When I moved back home, I had this plan to stay for a few months, and then move again. I thought I could just pack up, find a good paying job, and be on my own again. I have always been interested in trying new things and new places, but it hasn't worked out that way. I've spent the last year learning, laughing, and gaining incredible experiences. I have a job that has introduced me to some new long lasting friends. I am grateful for that. I came to Indiana a little defeated, but with big goals and plans. I had very little self confidence and wasn't sure that I could stand on my own without my comfort zone that I had created for myself. I have grown exponentially in the past year. I am not the same girl that packed my car a year ago and drove from Orlando to Fort Wayne. I am stronger, more confident, and more adult than I was before. I believe in myself more than I did before, and I don't lean on my proverbial crutches or hide in my comfort zone nearly as much as I did before.<br />
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So, maybe I had a plan, a big intention to do huge things and move to someplace and have a big adventure. Maybe that didn't happen, but I've still had my own adventure in a different way. I've grown and changed.<br />
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I think that's something.<br />
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I'm about two and a half weeks out from the Chicago Marathon. Whoa. I've raised $1510 for the Alzheimer's Association. I'm so thankful for my friends and my family members for their donations and for their support. I want to hug them all, but, like I said before, they live all over the country. I'm so grateful.<br />
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I really want to PR this year. I also hit a new PR last year... I'm not sure that I'm where I want to be, but I don't know if I think that because I'm nervous or if I'm just not as prepared as I want. I've worked really hard this year, but I could always improve. But then again, maybe I'm too hard on myself, I'm not sure.<br />
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Anyways, this is a big thing for me to be running for Alzheimer's and to have raised so much money. I'm so thankful. I think that will make this race experience different than races that I've run before, just because I'll be doing this for other people rather than for myself. I have a lot of emotions going into it.<br />
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I've run marathons before, many half marathons. I still have so much work to do to get where I want to be. I just think that this experience is going to feel different, because with the fundraising, with thinking about Alzheimer's, and with running for something bigger than myself, I've changed my perspective quite a bit. I'm in the gym or running nearly every day, sometimes I'm doing both. I hope that the work that I have put in comes back during the race.alicia.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05515202435312839597noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3973916509841254702.post-68392931812949125722015-08-05T00:06:00.001-04:002015-08-05T00:06:14.412-04:00on surviving. So, some people know my history, others do not.<br />
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I have a long history of struggles, of tough times, and of, somehow, scraping myself up off of the ground and continuing forward. It has never been easy, and, in some ways, I am thankful for that. If my life would have been any different, I would be different, my life would look different today, and I would not be who I am today.<br />
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My dad died 18 years ago this month. It's weird to think about, that lifetime without my dad being there for me in the ways that I know he would have been if he could have been. His death was sudden and unexpected. I was ten. Being ten, it was hard to learn to accept that someone to important to my life was gone. One day he was there, the next, he wasn't. That was tough. It took me a long time to really realize that my dad wasn't just going to show back up in my life. Embarrassingly long, maybe. I was ten when he died. I hoped that he would come back until I was twelve or thirteen.<br />
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That's when I really started to write. I wrote my dad a number of letters.<br />
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I also had a pretty rough relationship with my former stepfather. That's not one that I'm ready to get into too publicly, regardless of how few people read this. It was pretty high stress for everybody in my home at that time, all of my siblings, my mom, myself. It was never easy, often was not peaceful, as things could get loud and conflicts could be frequent. If I am being transparent, I guess I could say that I was, in general, afraid and intimidated by him.<br />
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My mom and my ex stepfather haven't been married for the better part of the last decade and I have not had any contact with him for many years.<br />
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I internalized many of those feelings, those thoughts. I went to school every day, hung out with my friends, talked to them on the phone after school all of the time. I enjoyed the usual teenage things, movies, going to the mall, having sleepovers... I was not entirely abnormal.<br />
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When I was 16, I was sexually abused by a family member. I'm not at a place in my life that I feel comfortable throwing this person publicly under the bus. I know that some people that I know do know him, because my hometown may not be tiny, bu it is small enough that people know each other. Though I do not talk to him anymore, it has been over a decade, and I don't live with hatred in my heart anymore. I am in a completely different place now than I was then. But, I say it, because it is a part of my story.. and it is important to tell.<br />
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When I was 18, I was hospitalized for depression, suicidal ideations. I had a plan and an intent to kill myself and I got caught. I told two of my close friends and they contacted the police. I was a senior in high school. Long story short, the police came and picked me up, took me to the nearby ER and I was transferred to a psych unit at a different local hospital. I was terrified, initially. However, I stayed for about a week, and it changed my life. I met many incredible people while I was there. I was definitely the youngest patient, by far. Many of the people that I met were drug users, were depressed like myself, and had stories that were similar and different than my own in many ways. I have written about that experience before, but have never publicly shared it. <br />
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Those wonderful older people, the drug addicts, people that I would generally be intimidated by in my real life, took me under their wing. They supported me while I was there, they listened to me, and heard my stories. I was a girl who had major issues with men, my dad had died, my stepdad was mean and I had difficulty trusting men in general. I will never forget how wonderful those men were, how they took me under their wings and really cared about me. It was so positive for me. The entire experience, the hospitalization, changed my perspective. I am so grateful for that time that I had, and for the glimmer of hope that I got from the other patients, from the therapists, from the group therapy discussions that I had...<br />
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So, fast forward several months and I went to college. I thought that was going to solve everything. I was out of the house, I did not have to be around my stepfather anymore. I got to live on my own, learn my own things, meet really cool people. The first thing that I did, after getting settled in and meeting my roommate, was signing up for therapy. I signed up for two therapy groups (one grief group and one sexual assault survivor group) and individual counseling my first semester... on top of 18 credit hours and trying to adjust to being a freshman in college, to being in a new town, and meeting lots of new people.<br />
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It didn't go well.<br />
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BUT, I am also grateful for the experience. I just overdid it a little. I put so much effort into getting through the depression and the events that I had experienced. It was too much for me. I was focusing too much time and effort on working through my problems that I began to become overwhelmed and depressed, even more than before. I started to skip classes, to spend 90% of my time in bed. I always went to therapy, but that was about it. I know that there were days that my friends did not even know if I was alive. Then, I got involved in a really unhealthy relationship that just became the tipping point. When that ended, it ended badly and I crashed. I was out of hope. I failed out of college after my freshman year. It was horrible. I had not even considered that could be a possibility, failure. I'm fairly intelligent. I always did well in school.<br />
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So, I was back home. I started working, went to school at the local community college, and tried to grow, to get stronger. After one semester, I reapplied to my university and got accepted. I went back to school, I double majored in English and Psychology. I got into grad school, I moved to Florida. (I stopped grad school due to financial issues, not due to depression issues.) I lost a lot of weight. I ran 20 half marathons, 7 full marathons, countless other races...<br />
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I've been successful and I've survived. I'm not sure that I'd say that I've thrived yet. Give me a few years to thrive. I'm 28 years old.<br />
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I'm not going to sit here and say that I'm perfect, that I don't struggle anymore. I have depressed days sometimes. I get overwhelmed, and my emotions get out of wack when I'm stressed out. That's who I am & that's how I've been for years... but I've learned things, I've learned about coping, about things that I can do that will help me. People tell me all of the time that I'm strong, but I just have a story... I have events that have occurred in my life and I've survived.<br />
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I'm grateful for EVERYTHING in my life, the bad, the good, the hard, the easy, because that is why I am who I am today. I wouldn't change things.alicia.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05515202435312839597noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3973916509841254702.post-87708720242510906382015-06-03T22:33:00.000-04:002015-06-03T22:33:54.653-04:00National Running Day & Charity RunningSo, it's National Running Day. That's exciting.<br />
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I had a 5 mile run scheduled this afternoon, because I'm training for the Chicago Marathon again. It's week one, day two of my training plan. Yesterday, day one, went well, a little bit slower than I would have liked, but that's how it goes sometimes. Today, I ran with my mom and still, was quite a bit slower than I would have liked, but it's a process, I suppose. (that's the point of training, right?)<br />
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As some of you know, I did not get into the Chicago Marathon this year via lottery. I was disappointed when I found out, to be quite honest, but my mind started running for a few weeks. I have been toying with the idea of running a marathon for a charity for a long time- several years. I've considered a few different charities over the years, but, most recently, I've really connected with the Alzheimer's association. There are a number of reasons for that, but it has all been pretty impacted by my grandma and her journey with the disease.<br />
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My grandma's journey started back in 1997 when she was pretty healthy, active, and only 51 years old. It all started with a stroke, then multiple strokes. Over the past 18 years, Alzheimer's has slowly taken over her brain. In the past ten years, since I went to college, it became more progressive. My Nana M went from being "silly" or "goofy" to clear signs of Alzheimer's. Now that I have moved back to my hometown, I've really been able to see the changes in her. It isn't easy, but it has really opened my eyes.<br />
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Anyways, so I decided a couple of weeks ago to run the Chicago Marathon on behalf of the Alzheimer's Association. The Alzheimer's Association is a charity that I STRONGLY believe in.<br />
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I'm looking forward to this journey, the training, raising the money, and running on behalf of the Alzheimer's Association.<br />
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But, beyond that, I'm really doing this with my Nana M in mind. (also, my Great Grandma Walter, and my Great Aunt Cathy) This disease is personal for me and has been a part of my family for a long time. So, yes, I'm pretty excited about this, but also pretty nervous. I think that I will train harder and hope to do better than I have for any races in the past.<br />
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<i>Nana M & I at a race expo back in 2011</i></div>
alicia.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05515202435312839597noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3973916509841254702.post-20326676295165550072015-03-25T00:29:00.001-04:002015-03-25T10:05:06.612-04:00alzheimer's. a portrait of my grandmother.<div style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
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If you know me, even just a little bit, you know how important my family is to me. (really important, actually.) You'd also probably know a little bit about my grandma's Alzheimer's Disease, but you probably wouldn't know much about the long process that has gotten her to the point that she is in today. I don't talk about it often, because there aren't a lot of words that really express how I feel about it. (which is weird, because I'm pretty good with words.. and I'll talk about almost any topic all day long.) The Alzheimer's, though, not so much. It has been a pretty long road and has been pretty tough for her and for everybody in my family, but her especially. I can't imagine going from working in the medical field, working in a nursing home, with patients who have Alzheimer's, working in the nursing home that her mother died from Alzheimer's in, to learning that she had the same thing. <br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-zPmv3-Lb1VQ/VQnvFPnlSOI/AAAAAAAAAzY/KAaBjNwepR8/s1600/296028_10100249194055118_779346312_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-zPmv3-Lb1VQ/VQnvFPnlSOI/AAAAAAAAAzY/KAaBjNwepR8/s1600/296028_10100249194055118_779346312_n.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a>So, I'll start from the beginning. I was a pretty lucky kid, growing up. My parents were young when I was born, which meant that I got to have young grandparents. (I'm actually pretty sure that being the oldest grandchild on both sides is the best place to be, chronologically.) Nana M. is the youngest of my grandparents, at 41 years older than me. (I'm 28 now, meaning she's 69. Her 70th birthday is on March 31st!) Anyways, young grandparents meant that I got to have pretty active and close relationships with all four of them. I still have a pretty close relationship with them all, which is really important to me and something that I cherish. Even luckier for me, since my mom went to school while I was young, my brother and I had a lot of time with Nana, while she babysat us. We spent a lot of time going to the library together, playing whiffle ball in the backyard, and swimming in her swimming pool. I have really wonderful memories with her. I remember "helping" her with her gardening, which she was really proud of and put a lot of work into. I specifically remember learning about growing strawberries and about sunflowers. I remember the massive sunflowers that always ended up so much taller than I was. My hometown always had a program in the schools in which kids would grow plants (vegetables and flowers) and then everyone would bring in their best plants and they would be judged. Most of the time, either my brother or I would end up getting a first place gourd or sunflower (I'm telling you, the sunflowers were awesome) and we would move on to the "city" competition, which was held down by the zoo. Honestly, all that we did was help Nana plant the seeds in her garden and she did the rest. That's pretty important.<br />
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One really cool thing about her is that she was there each time that I met one of my younger siblings for the first time.<br />
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As I, and my siblings, got a little bit older, my grandparents took us all out for a special evening each year. They would, generally, take my brothers to see the Fort Wayne Wizards, a local minor league baseball team, play. They would take me to see a play or a musical each year. As much as I love baseball, I definitely thought that I had the better end of the deal. (and I'll still argue that.) I got the alone time with them and I got to dress up and see a musical or a play with them every year. My favorite out of the many is still "The Sound of Music." I was probably in middle school when we went to see that one and, afterwards, we went back to Nana and Papa's house and I was on cloud nine. I loved the show so much. Nana and I watched the movie version that night. It must have been 2 or 3 am when I went to sleep that night. (she fell asleep on the couch.) I'll never forget how much I loved that show... and I've seen, and loved, many shows (both with and without my grandparents). The Sound of Music just happens to be my favorite musical and it also is part of one of my favorite memories.<br />
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-LXEWYNXPEng/VQnvFY9B1AI/AAAAAAAAAzU/l1XbKeWTz3E/s1600/377_598937522448_467_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-LXEWYNXPEng/VQnvFY9B1AI/AAAAAAAAAzU/l1XbKeWTz3E/s1600/377_598937522448_467_n.jpg" height="320" width="255" /></a>Sidenote: The fact that this month has been the 50th anniversary of The Sound of Music is not lost on me and, honestly, means a lot to me.<br />
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As I got older, I spent more time with my friends and less time with my grandparents. I think that happens to everybody. Through high school, then college, I grew and changed a lot. We still went to our yearly shows and hung out on holidays and for everybody's birthdays. We watched as Nana got sillier over the years. She had her first stroke at 51, back in 1997, which kind of got the ball rolling for memory loss and her current Alzheimer's diagnosis. In the beginning, she seemed like she was just goofy. She had always dyed her hair red, but the red got brighter than before. She started to say things that didn't make complete sense, because she had trouble finding her words sometimes. I remember one day, maybe Easter or somebody's birthday, we were having lunch at my family's house, and my grandma began to talk about how she had green onion ice cream at home. If I recall correctly, she was referring to mint flavored ice cream, because that is what we had at our house. It was just things like that, things that everyone accepted as her beginning stages of Alzheimer's, but was a little bit lighthearted. We could smile about those things. <br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Dqp0V4tbUmg/VRIu-LyXemI/AAAAAAAAA08/u__zl32tTf4/s1600/IMG_8915.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Dqp0V4tbUmg/VRIu-LyXemI/AAAAAAAAA08/u__zl32tTf4/s1600/IMG_8915.JPG" height="300" width="400" /></a>When I went to college in 2005, I remember that Nana wrote me a few letters. That was something that I cherished then and is something that I still cherish today. I remember her writing and mailing letters to her sisters when I was young, which might be part of the reason that I enjoy sending and receiving letters so much now. I have friends in many states who receive mail from me, which is so important... Anyhow, by going to college, I was a little bit further away from home. During the five years that I was in college, Nana retired from work and got a little bit more sick. She still knew who I was and came to my graduation in 2010. She definitely had Alzheimer's then and had lost many important memories, but still knew the important people in her life. In 2010, I finished college and headed to Orlando, Florida. Her most rapid decline came during the four years that I lived in Florida. I missed a lot of it, only seeing her a few times a year when I would come home to visit. Over the past four years, she went from conversational, yet pretty confused, to having a fairly limited vocabulary. She went from recognizing friends and family members (and recalling most names.. she did refer to one of my brothers as "the skinny one" at one point.) to not recognizing people anymore. When I came home for my younger brother's graduation party in 2011, we played "keep away" with a Frisbee at my mom's house. Nana was good at throwing and catching the Frisbee. She was however, pretty bad at understanding the concept of keeping the Frisbee away from the person in the middle. She's throw it right to whoever was standing in front of her. That was a pretty good example of where she was, mentally, at that point. Later that fall, she participated in a four mile race, while my mom, cousin, and I ran a half marathon, and my sister, other cousin, aunt, and uncle ran a 5k. At that race, I remember having conversations with her and knowing that she knew who I was, but I could tell that she was not 100% sure about what she was doing that day. Today, her vocabulary is "yes", "no", "ouch"... and some other words. When I went to visit her today, she said, "oh geez" when she spilled some water on herself, and said, "let's go to bed."<br />
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She moved into a nursing home about a year and a half ago. My grandpa tried to take care of her for as long as he could and did his best for many years. At some point, it becomes so difficult, nearly impossible, to take care of someone with Alzheimer's. It's a constant 24 hour a day, 7 days a week job. I know that it was tough on him, the decision to move her.. and I know that it was also hard on my mom and uncle. It isn't easy, but sometimes, it is necessary. <br />
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Now that I am living in Indiana again, I get to go visit her. It's hard that I missed her losing so much of everything. It makes me sad to think about all of the moments that I missed. I do wish that I could have had more time with her when she had more memories, when she was more conversational. I am extremely thankful that I had good times with her. I'm also grateful that I can take time out of my days to go visit her and spend time with her. I don't think she knows me anymore. I know that she doesn't know my name now. She does sit and talk to me, sometimes about complete nonsense, but I'm okay with that. </div>
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One thing that about her that I do talk about a lot when I talk about Nana M. is her affinity for story telling. I'd often ask her to get out her photo albums (which were organized by year) and show me pictures. During that process, she would tell me stories about her childhood, her adolescence, and about my mom's (well, and my uncle's) childhood. I'm so thankful for those stories.. and, well, I always have been. I was very young when I decided that I wanted to be Laura Ingalls Wilder and write stories about my life. I thought that someone, someday, would want to read my stories and be interested in my life, the same way that I loved the Little House books as a kid. I think that a part of that was because of the story telling. I loved hearing Nana's stories as much as I loved reading about Laura Ingalls Wilder. Stories are so important. That's why I've decided to write a book about my grandmother. (but that's a work in progress.)<br />
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Last week, Nana fell and broke her hip in the nursing home. She had surgery and spent a few days in the hospital. I spent one night with her and I'm glad that I did. (minus the no sleep.. hospitals are loud & weird.) It was good to have that time and I was glad to be able to be there with her. She did a lot for me as a child and I am glad to do something for her. <br />
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My favorite thing? That she still has joy. She smiles and she laughs.. and that's the most important thing. </div>
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<br />
Here we go... <br />
Seven things from my week.<br />
(edition one.)<br />
<br />
1. Work was pretty crazy this week. I'm not sure what it was.. could have been the full moon, could have been daylight savings time, or maybe, it could be just one of those things. One fun thing about being busy is that the time goes by much more quickly. I work long shifts on the weekends, so it's nice to have that time go by a little bit more quickly. I have been exhausted coming home, though. Pros and cons, I guess. <br />
<br />
My current job, in hospital registration, is the opposite from everything I have ever done before... and honestly, especially different than the different positions that I held in Florida. (espeeeecially when I worked for Walt Disney World.) It's been quite an adjustment, but I'm getting the hang of it... slowly, maybe. It is definitely a process.<br />
<br />
(and it's nothing like Grey's Anatomy.)<br />
<br />
2. I got to spend some time with a lot of my family this week, which was awesome. I saw each of my cousins in a week, which is pretty rare, considering that we are all busy all of the time. <br />
<br />
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-fPisiCbn9n0/VP0TnoltM_I/AAAAAAAAAyE/jNZix7XgXwc/s1600/11010520_10102541594800648_8988507041296559132_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-fPisiCbn9n0/VP0TnoltM_I/AAAAAAAAAyE/jNZix7XgXwc/s1600/11010520_10102541594800648_8988507041296559132_n.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a>On Tuesday, two of my cousins, a friend of mine, and I went to the batting cages. We had a great time and spent a lot of money hitting softballs for a while. I played softball for many years, through my senior year of high school, my friend, Latefa, played senior year of high school, also, and my cousins played a little baseball/softball when they were younger, but not for a while. <br />
<br />
(though Rayanna played a season a couple of years ago)<br />
<br />
Anyways, I don't get to see Rayanna and Riley as often as I would like, because they are very busy with activities and school. (Riley plays football, is very involved in Boy Scouts, and always has something going on, while Rayanna is pretty involved in her Roller Derby and as crew for her school's show choir.) I used to get to see them all of the time, but that doesn't happen as often as I'd like anymore, so I cherish the moments that I have. I'm the oldest grandchild/cousin on both sides of my family, so it has been fun to watch everybody grow up, even from a distance, while I lived in Florida. <br />
<br />
We had so much fun at the batting cages. Afterwards, we dropped Riley off, and Rayanna, Latefa, and I went to the mall for a little bit. We got our browse on. It was a fun evening. <br />
<br />
3. Yesterday, I went to my Uncle Keith and Aunt Brandi's house for my cousin Jared's birthday. I don't get to see them as often as I see my dad's side of the family, just because that's how it works out. I was late, because I had to work, but thankfully, I got to leave work a little bit early, because I worked extra on Monday.<br />
<br />
There's something hilarious about my family, both sides, for sure. I laughed so hard last night, about the silliest things. It was fantastic, and well needed. <br />
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There was also cake and ice cream... and macaroni and cheese. (and sending text messages of awful candid pictures of my aunt to her. so funny.) Although, the ongoing prank war seems to have settled down a little bit. That's disappointing. My Aunt Brandi's birthday is in about a month, so we'll see what fun things happen then.<br />
<br />
Doesn't get much better than that.<br />
<br />
4. I also got to have some Wyatt and Emmett time this week. They are the babies of the family, my youngest cousins, and they're wild. Wyatt is two, almost three, and a pistol. I think he's getting more energy every time that I see him. Emmett is six months and learning to crawl. He's getting himself a little personality, which is fantastic.<br />
<br />
One of the hardest things when I lived in Florida was that I didn't get to be there to meet Wyatt when he was born. I remember being at work, at Disney World, feeling pretty defeated that I missed out. (my brother also graduated from college that weekend, so it was a double whammy. I felt like a crappy cousin/sister) In fact, I didn't even get to meet him in person, outside of Skype,<br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-S-1p4w6PCDQ/VP0YtovQg5I/AAAAAAAAAyU/TJGkyt1ztv8/s1600/10917122_10102547151175628_7469624244631922601_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-S-1p4w6PCDQ/VP0YtovQg5I/AAAAAAAAAyU/TJGkyt1ztv8/s1600/10917122_10102547151175628_7469624244631922601_o.jpg" height="225" width="400" /></a> until that October, when he was four months old. I missed so many milestones with him, which was tough, because I've always been close with my family. I love all of my cousins, and I have a special relationship with them. I love kids, maybe as much as they love me. It has been nice to have these past few months with these two, because I didn't get that time with Wyatt when he was a baby. I love that I get that time now. (I also love that Wyatt wanted to hang out with me specifically to take selfies.) <br />
<br />
It was really special that I was in town when Emmett was born. I was in Indiana for a friend's wedding and he happened to be born that week, just a few days before I went back to Florida. I got to meet him in the hospital and hold him as an infant. That was awesome. <br />
<br />
Anyways I had some time with those two peanuts this week, which was great. They are wearing me out, but I'm just appreciating the time that I have. They won't be small forever and, chances are, I won't be in Indiana forever. <br />
<br />
...but those faces. <br />
<br />
5. I went to see "Still Alice" with my mom and my sister on Wednesday. "Still Alice" is my favorite book. That's a big deal, because I've never committed to a favorite book or movie (or musician/band/song/anything) until this one came out. It's about a woman's battle with Early Onset Alzheimer's, which is an important story, and one that I hold really close to me. My Nana M has been in the same fight for a long time, and now lives in a nursing home, so, obviously, I have a lot of feelings about Alzheimer's...<br />
<br />
"Still Alice" is such a beautiful book and I recommend it to anybody, everybody. It's beautiful, but haunting and real. I'm not going to sit here and praise my favorite book all day, but yeah, I recommend it. (also, all of Lisa Genova's books. Read them.)<br />
<br />
The movie was good. It felt short, and a part of me wanted more, but I had to separate the book from the movie, because that's how all book to movie adaptations are. It was raw and emotional, though.. and in some ways, tough to watch, just knowing how personal the story was to my family. My mom wasn't going to go see it, because the story is a little too close to home. I'm glad that she did, though. It was good to go see a movie with her and with my sister. I think that it was especially important that we saw this movie together, because Alzheimer's is so real to all of us. I'm glad we all went.<br />
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6. I've been hitting the gym pretty hard for the last month, but I especially pushed myself this week. I tried some things that I haven't tried since I worked out with Mark, my personal trainer in Florida. <br />
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For instance, on Friday, I did legs. On my legs days, I've only been using weight machines and done nothing with free weights. At all. I'm pretty self conscious about certain things and one of those things is going into the real weight room, where the real weight machines, the free weights, the TRX ropes, and all of the "real" things exist. I know how to use all of it, I gained so much knowledge from my years working out with Mark, but I've never done it by myself. On Friday, I did, though. <br />
<br />
I did some kettleball squats and some weighted lunges, even dead lifts. It's a pretty big deal and I'm pretty proud of myself for all of it. (although, I'm VERY sore.. sore and whiny. I'm not that sorry for that part.)<br />
<br />
Anyhow, that was a pretty big deal for me, and I'm happy for myself.<br />
<br />
...now I just need to get my nutrition on point.<br />
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7. One of my favorite quotes. (not by myself.)<br />
<br />
<em>People come into your life for <b>a reason, a season or a lifetime</b>. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person. </em><br />
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<em> When someone is in your life for a <b>REASON</b>, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty; to provide you with guidance and support; to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. </em></div>
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<em> Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on. </em></div>
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<em> Some people come into your life for a <b>SEASON</b>, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it. It is real. But only for a season. </em></div>
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<em><b>LIFETIME</b> relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.</em> </div>
alicia.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05515202435312839597noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3973916509841254702.post-65597129704009719532015-03-03T16:19:00.001-05:002015-03-03T16:19:49.061-05:00happy birthday dad: memories of my father.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Today is my dad's birthday. I feel like writing "would be" his birthday, but that isn't true. It is his birthday, even more than seventeen years after he died. That hasn't changed... that won't change. It's an annual event, one that I always remember, because I know dates, I remember them, I don't forget them. It's a part of who I am. <br />
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I was ten when he died, almost eleven, at the end of August 1997. I think that when a person loses a parent as a child, everything changes. I know that, in my personal situation, I still had many supportive family members, I was fortunate enough to maintain an extremely close relationship with my dad's parents and his brothers, I got to see them all frequently. I went to a children's grief group for over a year. I went to counseling off and on through college.<br />
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It still left a hole in me. Maybe that's because my dad's death was so unexpected, or maybe it's because I was so young when he died. It could be a mix of both, or maybe other things. Maybe I will never know. I think that it's okay if I don't. I have grown enough to know that, as much as I miss my dad and wish that he had been here for my big milestones, I know that I have become who I am because of the things that I have been through in my life. I've grown and changed, become a stronger person because of it. <br />
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Anyways, this isn't about me. I want to share some stories about my dad, because, I am insanely grateful for the almost eleven years that I did have with him, because he was an involved father, because he was there... and a lot of kids don't even get that for the short time that I did. <br />
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So, here I go... memories of my dad:<br />
<ul>
<li>One Christmas, maybe the last one, probably the last one, but I can't guarantee that, I stayed up all night wrapping gifts with him. We talked and I wrapped my brother's gifts, while he wrapped mine. It was a fun and something that I won't forget.</li>
<li>Cody, my dad, and I used to play games all of the time. A few of our favorites were Connect Four, Monopoly, and Don't Wake Daddy. Sometimes, when we played Don't Wake Daddy, we each played with two characters, so we each took two turns. We all had nicknames for our second character, an alter ego. My dad's was "Butch the evil twin." </li>
<li>My dad introduced my to LeAnn Rimes, who was my first favorite singer. I was young. I connected to the fact that she was also very young. </li>
<li>We used to play several different sports together, often involving my grandma. We played basketball a lot, the four of us. I remember laughing about the "Nana Waddle" together.</li>
<li>One day, I was really mad at my dad for some reason, and I was sitting on my grandma's front porch. My dad came and sat next to me.. and a bird pooped on his leg. It was hilarious. I couldn't be angry anymore. </li>
<li>My brother and I used to run from the kitchen to the living room at my grandparents' house, while my dad and uncle would shoot nerf guns at us. They called it "target practice."</li>
<li>We would spend a lot of time at the lake, swimming, fishing, tubing. Those were such awesome days. </li>
<li>My dad was a scuba diver. He used to go on trips to the Bahamas with my grandpa.. I remember dreaming about the day when I would become scuba certified. I still dream about it. Hopefully, I will get it done within the next year.</li>
<li>I remember when I was learning to dive in my swimming class. I was so excited that I was practicing at the lake. Everybody else was inside eating and playing games. I remember my dad coming out to watch and I told him that I was going to be an Olympic diver one day. He pretended to believe me. (haha, I'm a dreamer.)</li>
<li>One Christmas, he bought Cody and me a Super Nintendo. It was our first video game console and we loved it. We'd play basketball, football, Mario, Donkey Kong... I still have the console and some of the games. (obviously, my brother also got some games.) </li>
<li>When Cody and I would argue, he would make us sit on the couch and hold hands until we could get along again... then, he bought us both boxing gloves and would tell us to "duke it out."</li>
<li>I remember the cherry tree that he had in the backyard. It was awesome for climbing. </li>
</ul>
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The following is part of a conversation that I recorded on my talk girl, when I thought that I was going to be a big time news reporter:<br />
me: hello, I'm here. in Indiana. to say 'who won this game'?<br />
dad: the raiders.<br />
me: are you the coach of the raiders?<br />
dad: yes.<br />
me: did you know you were going to win in the beginning?<br />
dad: in the beginning, we was getting the shit kicked out of us.<br />
me: oh. so you thought you were going lose?<br />
dad: yeah, I thought I was going to lose, it was like 28-9.<br />
me: oh my gosh, it must have been a HUGE comeback. <br />
dad: yeah, I took my players into the locker room and then whipped each one of their asses individually.<br />
me: with the paddle with holes in it?<br />
dad: yes.<br />
me: okay. well, the other coach doesn't really want to talk. (my dad cracks up.) so goodbye.<br />
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So, today is my dad's birthday. Sure, it's sad, and it's hard, and I miss him... </div>
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At the same time, I'm thankful for the time that I had. Some kids don't get that many years with their dads. Some kids get no time, or some kids don't have a dad who wants to be in their lives at all. I did. That's everything.</div>
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Happy birthday Dad. </div>
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alicia.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05515202435312839597noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3973916509841254702.post-56914074995499219432015-01-19T10:57:00.002-05:002015-01-19T11:01:39.507-05:00reflections on friendship: people come into your life for a reason...I am in the process of writing two different blog posts right now, but both are extensive and will take me quite a while to process. One is a 2014 reflection that I have been writing for almost three weeks. (what can I say? 2014 was intense.) Another is about the Walt Disney World Marathon Weekend, because, obviously, I have to write a race recap. I'm working on it, I promise.<br />
<br />
Anyways, as part of last weekend, when I was in Florida, then coming back to Indiana, I made some pretty major realizations.. realizations about the people who have come into my life.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-c4ae8OnW2Lw/VL0jPXAX77I/AAAAAAAAAwQ/M7tGOuReJSU/s1600/IMG_2696.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-c4ae8OnW2Lw/VL0jPXAX77I/AAAAAAAAAwQ/M7tGOuReJSU/s1600/IMG_2696.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a>I'm starting to realize that there might always be people that I miss. When I lived in Florida, I missed Indiana people, when I came back, I began to desperately miss my Florida people. I have people that I met in Florida that now live all over the United States, and I miss them, too. I think that I'll always have people that I miss, people everywhere. I'm not sure if that is part of just being who I am, or if it is one of those things that happens to everybody, but I'm leaning towards the idea that it might be something that happens universally. <br />
<br />
I have spent a lot of time being a workaholic. I spent multiple years having multiple jobs. I don't like sitting still, doing nothing. I'm working on improving in that sense, in becoming comfortable with myself and with stillness enough so that I don't have to be constantly busy. It's not easy, but it is definitely a process that I'm working on. (for instance, I've only had one job since October... haha. But, at the same time, I've been in the gym quite often on my days off and, sometimes, on my way home from work.)<br />
<br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-VoAZaDJb2Ek/VL0jQlkwbtI/AAAAAAAAAwY/HQTi7K-QULY/s1600/IMG_2745.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-VoAZaDJb2Ek/VL0jQlkwbtI/AAAAAAAAAwY/HQTi7K-QULY/s1600/IMG_2745.JPG" height="320" width="240" /></a>That being said, though, I may be a workaholic, I may be obsessed with being busy, but I've met the most beautiful people through the various jobs that I have held. The majority of my closest friendships began as work friends. Almost all of my "Florida friends", as I refer to them, came from working for Disney or when I worked at Fit2Run, the people who have impacted my life in such a major way. My work friend history goes way back to high school, at my first job in a local movie theater. I'll never forget the people who I went to movies with every Tuesday, the people who I met through work at 17 years old, but haven't stayed in contact with, because, well, it has been more than ten years and I moved away to college, then to Florida, and have never really been still for very long since graduating from high school. During college, there was Cold Stone, the Atrium, Bob Evans... then, I went to Florida. By spending so much of my time at work, I've made wonderful connections with people that I met on the job.<br />
<br />
Now that I left Florida again, after my race weekend, now that I don't have plans to visit again in the immediate future, I'm almost grieving those friendships, the Florida friendships. I mean, I know that I will keep some of those people in my life, because I have been keeping in touch with many of them, some more frequently than others. That doesn't diminish the friendships and the connections that I made when they were an every day part of my life. <br />
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So, in my reflections over the past week, I've realized how much I might always miss those people, but that people, friends, acquaintances, are meant to come in and out of our lives for a reason, maybe to teach us something and to help us grow. In the last year, I have grown and changed so much. (yeah, I know, spoiler alert to my 2014 reflection blog.) I'm in the process of standing on my own two feet and of working towards making some big life decisions and figuring things out on my own. It has been a tough week, kind of grieving Florida again, thinking about everything that I had there, all of the wonderful memories that I did make. I am so fortunate to have come across so many wonderful people during my journey. I've begun to realize that it's okay that people come in and out of my life, that it will always be a part of living. I think that it is important to accept those friendships and to never forget them... Meeting beautiful people has changed who I am. I'm not the same Indiana girl who moved to Orlando in 2010, and that is thanks to the connections that I made, the friendships that I made, and the opportunities that I had. <br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-rZW508fES6Y/VL0o3PozZaI/AAAAAAAAAww/BmyD6ATkiUM/s1600/IMG_3421.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-rZW508fES6Y/VL0o3PozZaI/AAAAAAAAAww/BmyD6ATkiUM/s1600/IMG_3421.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a>I had to leave in order to move forward with my own life and with my journey, because it is my own, but that doesn't diminish the fact that I miss seeing some of my favorite people on a daily basis. Even if we don't talk every day, they've impacted me so deeply. I can't forget that and I won't. <br />
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I'm working towards following my dreams, in making life changes, doing big things, and part of that meant that I have to stand on my own two feet and follow my heart. That means that I'll always be meeting new people, that I'll be saying goodbye to people that I love again, but that's okay. I'll grieve for the person that I was, for the person that my friends helped me to become, but then I'll be able to move forward and continue to grow and change. <br />
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(and I will probably meet most of those friends at work, because that's what I do.)<br />
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Do I miss my Florida friends? Very much. I miss my Indiana friends, too, the ones who don't live here anymore. I miss people that I don't talk to regularly and people that I talk to every day. I believe that we have to let people come into our lives and change us. Everybody has potential to teach another person something important, to give them something valuable to take with them for the rest of their lives. That's something I will try to remember, even when it's tough, even when, sometimes, I wish I could scoop up all of my friends and take them with me on all of my adventures.<br />
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<em>"People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you'll know what to do."</em></div>
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The best part, though, is that I have so many people that I get to send letters to. When I write my letters, maybe once a month-ish, I have four or five states that they get sent out to. I'm so fortunate in that sense. </div>
alicia.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05515202435312839597noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3973916509841254702.post-32174574192227894882014-12-11T01:09:00.003-05:002014-12-11T01:11:18.200-05:00five random thoughts.1. So, I joined a gym a couple of weeks ago. It was something that I was debating about, something that I wasn't 100% sure about, because I knew how much I lack at self-motivation. By paying for this membership, I would have to force myself to actually go, or else I'd be throwing my hard earned money down the drain, towards nothing. So, I've been going. <br />
<br />
I miss working out with my personal trainer in Florida a lot. It might be a self-conscious thing, because I do know what I am doing in the gym. (Mark did teach me a LOT over the years.) The thing is, when I'm there, actually doing it, it makes me nervous to actually legitimately lift weights... even though I know that I know what I'm doing. So today, I did some dead lifts. I felt weird about it, but I did it. I think it was the first step in the process.<br />
<br />
I'm also thinking about doing some fitness classes, too. I have a list of classes for the month of December, I just have to pick some out and go.<br />
<br />
(I also desperately need to get myself in the pool. I miss lap swimming more than anything. That's my real cardio love. Even though I run all of the time, swimming is my true love.)<br />
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2. I'm getting to know myself again. When I lived in Florida, I was always busy. I worked multiple jobs, worked out a lot, and was social with my free time. Some days, I was so exhausted that I would fall asleep on the futon watching a movie with my roommate. (On that note, I still haven't seen the entire Silver Linings Playbook. Sorry Kath.)<br />
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So, I've been stepping out of my comfort zone and not allowing myself to work two jobs for as long as I'm in Indiana. I've been spending time with friends and family.. and have been going to the gym for the last few weeks. That has been very important. It has been tough, though, because I'm used to always doing something. I'm used to being busy. <br />
<br />
But, I've been reading, writing, thinking about the future, and processing the present.. and it has been good. I'm remembering things that I love, things that I've stopped doing. (like the writing thing.)<br />
<br />
I've had the idea to start a photography business. I remember how much I loved photography when I took classes in high school. I wouldn't make it my main source of income, but I may invest in a dslr after Christmas and do some photography around town. <br />
<br />
(starting with my mom's engagement photos. no, mom, I haven't forgotten you.)<br />
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So, by getting to know myself, by giving myself that time, I'm getting excited for the adventures that lie ahead for me. I feel like I have some good opportunities ahead, I just have to make some decisions. I'm pretty fortunate in that sense.<br />
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3. My friend Latefa moved back, too. I'm actually pretty excited about this one. I came back to Indiana, knowing that most of my friends had left and the ones that were still in the same state were definitely not in the same town... then, one day, I got a text when I was out on a run that said, "I'm home!" <br />
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After a confusing conversation, I realized that my friend had moved back, too. She didn't tell anybody that she was coming, so she blew me (and her family) out of the water. She moved away several years ago, too, so we had not gotten to have real time together in a very long time. She has jumped right onto my adventuring ideas, though, and we have had a good time. <br />
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We've talked a lot about the future and about traveling together, so maybe that will happen eventually.. We went to France together in high school, which was incredible. Now we both want to go to all of the places. It is fun to have a friend with that kind of a mindset, too. I'm very thankful to have her in town. <br />
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(even though I think my grandma likes her better than she likes me!)<br />
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4. November was a half-success. I didn't succeed at the National Novel Writing part.. life kind of got in the way. (again.) I am a little disappointed in that, but I know that I will eventually get my writing out there. I did write some really powerful pieces about my state of mind, so I'm glad with that. I may try to get one or two published. <br />
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I did really put it out there with my Epilepsy Awareness Month personal campaign. For the past few years, I've only talked about it on the internet, through my various social media platforms. This year, though, I was able to talk about my journey with people in person. I am much less inhibited about the issue than I have been in the past. Over the years, I've just become more comfortable with explaining epilepsy to other people, whether it be my own story, or the stories of other people that I know. I think that is important.<br />
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I'm excited to keep educating people. I hope that, eventually, I can share it on an even bigger platform that I can right now. I'm working towards that. It's a pretty big deal.<br />
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5. I'm excited for the next month or so. My best friend is coming to town for a week and a half or so pretty soon. I can't wait to have some Indiana adventures with her. (and to spend some time with my second family.) <br />
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I also have the Walt Disney World Marathon Weekend coming up in a month. I'm already freaking out a little bit. I don't feel ready, and I know that I'm not ready, but I'm working towards it. I won't PR again, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed to have a great time. (because, I usually do.) I'm also very excited to see my Orlando friends that I miss so much. I won't be there for long, but it will be wonderful to have that time with them. I do want to scoop them all up and bring them with me on the rest of my adventures.<br />
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Then, there's also Christmas. I love Christmas. I'm a complete Christmas fanatic, I love giving gifts, I love decorating, I love the family time... it's one of my favorite things. I also love going to Christmas Eve Mass. Oh man. I'm very glad that I am in town and that I will get to enjoy all of these thing with my family. If there is nothing else that I learned from living out of state for so many years, it's how precious it is to spend the holidays with family. I'm very excited for this year.<br />
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(even though I have to work. it will be wonderful. love love.)<br />
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<em>and here's a photo for photo's sake. </em></div>
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<em>this is from October, going to play in the woods with my special two year old nuggetty-cousin.</em></div>
alicia.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05515202435312839597noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3973916509841254702.post-49115707442533041132014-11-25T17:33:00.002-05:002014-11-25T17:34:45.118-05:00My Epilepsy Story. It's November. November is the most important month of the year to me, for so many reasons.<br />
(not to be confused with October, which is my favorite month, for different reasons.)<br />
<br />
One extremely important thing about November is that it is <strong>National Epilepsy Awareness Month</strong>. Now, I know that I have been on my soap box about epilepsy so many times, on so many social media platforms, but I have to talk about it here, at least annually. <br />
<br />
My story starts back when I was a child, back when I first heard about epilepsy. It was probably 1996 or 1997, when I was 9-10 years old. My dad had a seizure when I was at his house for the weekend. I didn't know what it was, but I could hear him. Thankfully, he felt it coming on and he left the room so that he would not upset my brother or me. He went to the back of the house and I heard strange noises coming from back there, but I did not go back there to check on him. I was concerned, but I was also worried about my younger brother being worried, too. I stayed and continued to play video games, trying to figure out what the strange noises were. <br />
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That night, after my brother, Cody, went to sleep, my dad sat me down and explained epilepsy and seizures to me, in the best way that he could explain it to a child. I distinctly remember that conversation. He said that his brain sometimes sends bad signals, that it can make his body do strange things. I tried to understand, but clearly could not truly comprehend seizures or epilepsy, because I was so young. However, I was glad to know that he trusted me enough to try to explain it to me, so that maybe I could understand what was going on.<br />
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In August of 1997, my dad died from a massive seizure. I was ten and my brother was eight. It was so difficult to move past that massive loss in my life. <br />
<br />
<strong>Sudden Unexplained Death from Epilepsy (SUDEP)</strong> is a real thing and a problem. Someone with epilepsy is impacted and affected by so many different things, numerous risk factors. Alcohol, irregular medication use, frequent changes in medication, a history of seizures during sleep, and many more factors go into the risk of SUDEP. It is scary to think that so many people have died from something that the public, in general, seems to be so unaware of.<br />
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I remained uneducated and unaware for a very long time, for over ten years after my dad died. I knew the little that I knew about his epilepsy and about his death, but I did not go out of my way to learn any new information.<br />
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<em>(this is my dad and me, circa October 1986)</em></div>
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Then, in November of 2008, everything changed for me. <br />
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When I started having seizures, I was going through a time of high stress. I was in my fourth year of college, but had just changed my major, adding on a few more semesters of school, I had two jobs and 18 credit hours. I sometimes worked until 1 or 2 in the morning, and then would go back to work at my other job at 8, before I headed to my classes for the day. It was also a time of relationship drama, as I was in the middle of a very unhealthy relationship with somebody that I worked with. All that being said, all of the stress that was on my shoulders at that time, I did not have enough epilepsy knowledge to truly understand what was happening in my brain.<br />
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My first seizure, I was home by myself. I was reading a book on the couch. I remember feeling strange, kind of like some kind of deja vu, then I started to feel panicked and anxious. I hallucinated, also. Afterwards, my heart was racing and I felt nauseous. I had no idea what had happened, but just let it go. I had minimal knowledge about epilepsy or seizures and had no inkling that I could have just had a seizure. <br />
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As the "panic attacks", as I called them, started to become more frequent, I started to wonder if I had schizophrenia. As a psychology major with an interest in psychological disorders, schizophrenia was one of my biggest fears. I was very aware that the typical onset of schizophrenia was in the early twenties, which, coupled with the hallucinations, led to my belief that I did have schizophrenia. I did not actually tell anybody about my fear, called my seizures "panic attacks" and, really, only told two people that I was dealing with them. <br />
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At the end of February 2009, I had my first actual tonic clonic seizure. I was at work and chopping lettuce for some salad preparation. I started to have one of my "panic attacks", but noticed that that one seemed a little bit more intense than usual. My vision started to get blurry, then I remember waking up with a group of people standing around me. I was lying on the ground. It felt like I had been dreaming. Somebody said that it looked like I had a seizure and asked if I had a history of seizures. I said no, but started to think seriously about the past several months. <br />
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After an emergency room visit, several tests, including an EEG (yes, that was weird.. lots of tubes sticking out of my head.), wearing a heart monitor for 24 hours, among other things, I was diagnosed with.. nothing. All of my tests came back normal. I had a syncope episode. <br />
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I was angry and frustrated with that (lack of) diagnosis. I knew that there was something bigger, something deeper than just passing out. If that was the case, I was sure that I wouldn't be having the episodes so frequently. I clung to the idea of the epilepsy, of seizures, and researched as much as I could about them. <br />
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I had my second tonic clonic seizure in June of 2009, several months later. I was asleep when I had my seizure, but fortunately, I woke my roommate. Knowing about all of the months of undiagnosed episodes, she wrote down, in detail, everything that she saw. She ended up waking me up at some point, I called my mom, who came to pick me up and take me to the hospital. <br />
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That time, I got a diagnosis, medication, and a bunch of emotions to deal with. <br />
<br />
Partial complex epilepsy.. <br />
So, typically, it doesn't look like I've had a seizure. I don't often have tonic clonics, though I have had them. You would not typically, by looking at me, know that I'm having a seizure. <br />
<br />
--<br />
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It has been a long road getting accustomed to my diagnosis, my medications, and my lifestyle. I do have it better than so many people, but that doesn't mean that I'm not impacted by seizures, by epilepsy. It is a part of my life. <br />
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I do talk about my epilepsy often. I try to explain different types of seizures, basic first aid, and different facts about warning signs and so on. I think that awareness is the most important thing. If I can make one person more aware or more interested in spreading that awareness even further, I will have accomplished something. If I can get people to seek out more information, to learn something about epilepsy, I will be even more accomplished.<br />
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I advocate for knowledge, for awareness.. I believe in talking about my epilepsy, so that someone else can learn something new. I didn't know anything about epilepsy until it touched my own life personally. I also advocate for more research. Neurological disorders are important. So important. <br />
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alicia.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05515202435312839597noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3973916509841254702.post-35827090559236057002014-10-31T22:18:00.000-04:002014-10-31T22:18:14.034-04:00Chicago Marthon recap part 2: race daySo, I guess I should write about the actual... race day. (considering the fact that tomorrow is November... and November calls for a lot of epilepsy-awareness type things.)<br />
<br />
Well, race morning, I woke up early.. if you can call it that, since I did not sleep well at all. I woke up almost a dozen times throughout the night. It felt more like I had been taking a little nap than sleeping. When I got up, I got dressed for the race... aaaand we headed to downtown. <br />
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My mom and I tried to stop at a few different places in order to get some breakfast-type food to eat, just so that I would not have to run an entire marathon on an empty stomach. That task turned into an adventure... and an adventure that was more a challenge than it was expected to be. We could not find any fast food restaurant to get something to eat, so we stopped at a drug store.. which was closed. After a while, we ended up going to a little gas station, where I got a Clif Bar. Then, we were finally off to downtown Chicago.<br />
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This was my third consecutive Chicago marathon. That was lucky, because I had an idea of where I was going and what I was doing. <br />
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..that didn't save the beginning from being dramatic and anxiety ridden, however. <br />
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When we got downtown, some of the roads were already closed, making traffic a little bit of a mess. We were cutting it close on time. So, I jumped out of the car and walk/jogged the mile-ish to my corral. I came to an intersection and saw... the wheelchairs go by. That was the part when I freaked out a little bit. Logically, I knew that my coral hadn't closed yet and I also knew that the wheelchairs always start first and, often, start much earlier than everybody else. <br />
<br />
But still... when I was trying to cross the streets and they were blocked by the wheelchairs that had already started, it freaked me out a little bit. (by a little bit, I mean a lot. I may or may not have been borderline panicked at that point.)<br />
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Anyways, I ran across the street between groups of wheelchair races and made it to Grant Park, to my corral, then felt much better about everything. I'm very thankful that I didn't have to gear check anything. That saved me from one very very long line. I got into my corral, texted my mom that I made it, she said that she had finally parked. Then I started to get more nervous. For some reason, I was dreading the race. I had hyped myself up for it, especially since last year I had a terrible race, did a horrible job training for it.. and I wanted to do better this year. I did train better, but I was not where I wanted to be. At all. <br />
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I was nervous about everything, having a bad race, freaking out, not being able to do as well as I wanted to, and so on. <br />
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I ended up talking to some people around me about things. This one woman was running her first marathon and seemed to have a mix of emotions. She was both excited and nervous. We talked about some races that I had done, but mostly... just talked about the day ahead of us. One thing that I enjoy about being a back of the pack runner is that I get to talk to a lot of people in the corral before I get to actually start. Does it calm the nerves? Not necessarily. It's just a nice camaraderie type of thing.<br />
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So, then the race started. I decided to push pretty hard in the beginning in order to get a good start, then, if everything fell apart later, I still would have had a good beginning. I'm not sure that was really the best strategy, but it was the best that I had at the moment. <br />
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I felt good. Actually, I felt great for many miles. I was killing each mile, on track to smash my PR by at least 15 minutes. I was still on track to beat it by 15 minutes by the time that I got to mile 22. I had a good race. I saw my mom at several different intervals, starting at mile 3 and going all the way through the race. I also saw Katherine and Andi at different places to, but didn't see them until mile 13ish. (I was starting to think that I would not see them at all.)<br />
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There's something about having spectators that helps get through the race. It was an energy thing. It's just nice to have someone that you know being there. (though the spectators in general in Chicago are great.) <br />
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The streets of Chicago are awesome. I loved running through the streets, seeing all of the buildings. I think that my favorite parts are being between all of the tall buildings. The course, for the most part, is pretty flat. I really enjoy the start, then running underneath the overpass. <br />
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One unique thing about running in Chicago is the number of bridges. It seems like we ran over the water a number of times, which was pretty cool. One of the time, at about mile 3, my mom was standing up on the side of the bridge cheering. That was the first time that I got to see her, so that was awesome. The bridges were really fun. I liked that they put carpet over most of them, because it made them easier to run on. (though I did see a girl trip over the carpet. I guess that you can't win them all.)<br />
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I started to feel a little bit rough a little bit after mile 22. My legs started to get very tired, my mind started to go negative, in a sense, and I started to feel like I wasn't sure I'd make it. I thought about all of the things of the last year, the tough year that it was, and all of the changes that I had gone through and was about to go through. <br />
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At a certain point, it always seems to get a little bit more difficult to run that 26.2. After 24 miles of being on pace to kill my PR, of feeling awesome, of keeping a pretty steady pace, it all started to fall apart. It got tough. I think that part of the problem was that I hit the same point where I really fell apart last year. I wasn't sure if I could run anymore. My legs were heavy, I was frustrated, I was exhausted... So I turned my phone on. I texted both Katherine and Kristie. <br />
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Kath and Andi met me and walked with me for about a half mile or so, before I turned off my phone and ran the last part by myself. It was nice to have that support. Kristie gave me a text message pep talk that helped push me through the last part. <br />
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I ended up finishing strong. I didn't get my 15 minute PR, since I walked about a half mile. (well, honestly, probably a full mile, if I could the part before I turned my phone on, too.) <br />
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When I got to the last push, that last hill right at the finish, I struggled again. That hill kills me every time, even when I'm expecting it. It feels impossibly long and large. I pushed as hard as I could through that point, and ended up finishing with a 6 minute PR.<br />
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New marathon PR: 6:24:13<br />
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I'm good with that. <br />
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The theme of this year: I'm not where I want to be, but I'm on my way. I think that this race showed that.<br />
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(thankful for my supporters near and far: those who were physically there supporting me, running all over Chicago, those who gave me words of encouragement during the whole process, and those who sent me well wishes and thoughts that day.)<br />
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alicia.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05515202435312839597noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3973916509841254702.post-67433478663929338312014-10-19T23:44:00.001-04:002014-10-19T23:44:17.720-04:00Chicago Marathon part one: expo day.Ah. So, today has been a week since the big Chicago Marathon. I can't believe that it's over. <br />
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I had a lot to prove this year, at least in my head. Last Chicago Marathon was really rough for me. The whole training was really tough for me, as I had about 800 other things going on in my life that I prioritized. I didn't really prioritize the training the way that I should have. So, the race was really tough, very VERY mental, and I really felt like I needed to do better this year.<br />
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So, my training wasn't perfect. at all. It was much better than last year. (somehow, I managed between two jobs, working 6-7 days a week, every week, to run 5 days most weeks, including long runs.. in the Florida heat, starting in the beginning of the summer. On top of moving.) There is more that I really wanted to incorporate into my training- like some strength training and more speed work, but it just didn't happen. <br />
<br />
So, since I wasn't where I wanted to be, I was getting pretty nervous about the race, up to about two weeks prior to race day. That's when I started really reflecting and feeling like I wasn't adequately prepared. <br />
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So going into the weekend, I was really nervous. I'm not sure if I have been THAT nervous for any race, ever. <br />
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So, last Saturday, my mom and I drove out to Chicago for the expo. (by my mom and I, I mean, she drove. I'm a really good passenger.. or freeloader, whatever.) So, we got to Chicago, went to McCormick Place... and met up with Kath and Andi for the expo! <br />
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My mom was sad that she was not running this year, so she brought running clothes and hoped she could get a bib from someone, haha. No such luck, and I think she ended up being glad to just spectate. <br />
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I've been to the Chicago expo before, as I ran the race in 2012 and 2013, as well, but I am always impressed with the size of the expo and the organization. It's very well organized, and, though it is crowded, the expo never feels overwhelming. I don't think that I had to wait in a line for longer than 4-5 minutes. </div>
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Anyways, so I checked in, got my packet, picked up my race shirt, and THEN, we browsed around. My mom signed up for a raffle for every free race that she could find. (and won an entry to Grandma's Marathon, actually. Go Mom!) Katherine bought my traditional souvenir for my birthday present. (I got a long sleeve shirt. It's pretty awesome.) Andi got really into the expo and took lots of pictures and tried lots of free samples. I told her that she needs to take up running in order to go to more expos. She said no, she'll just enjoy the expos and pretend to be a runner. </div>
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We stopped at the information booth and everyone made signs for me. That was fun. I've never run Chicago by myself. (and hardly any races all by myself, honestly.) Knowing that I was going to have spectators was really cool. They made little sheets with my projected times at various spots on the course, which was neat, too. Everyone was all geared up and ready to spectate the race for me on Sunday. (the only thing was that... I was 100 times more terrified than I was excited for the race.)</div>
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I got my picture taken with Bart Yasso, which was pretty cool. He joked about my paparazzi, because I had three people taking my picture at once. We talked about the race a little bit. He wished me luck. (no Deena Kastor this year, meeting her was the highlight of my trip last year.)</div>
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<em>Deena Kastor, my mom, and me last year. Because I love this.</em></div>
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Walking around the expo was really fun, as it always is. The Chicago Marathon expo is by far my favorite race expo that I've been to. (though, I haven't really done a lot of BIG races. So yeah.)</div>
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I was pretty impressed with myself that I didn't spend money at the expo. I had to hold myself back a little bit, because there were lots of things that I really wanted. So yeah me! (I think.)</div>
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After we spent about an hour or two (I have no idea) walking around the expo, we left to go hang out downtown a little bit. Andi split up from us, because she had some errands to run, as she lives in Chicago. Katherine came with my mom and me to Michigan Avenue to have some dinner and walk around, which ended up turning into just dinner, before Andi picked her up to go to a haunted basement thing. (I don't do scary.) We had dinner at a cute little soup and sandwich place called Potbelly. I just had soup, which was really good, but I heard good things about the sandwiches, too, from my momma and from Katherine.</div>
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When Katherine left, my mom and I walked around downtown a little bit and chatted. It was a nice relaxing way to spend the night before a big race. </div>
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Then we went back to the hotel to sleep for the night. Sleeping was a struggle for me, for sure. </div>
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Part two: race day, coming soon.</div>
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alicia.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05515202435312839597noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3973916509841254702.post-70367707762537791142014-10-06T23:02:00.001-04:002014-10-06T23:02:23.112-04:00Year 28: my year of adventure.So, maybe, I should change the name of this blog, because I don't think that it is only going to be about my running adventures anymore. I'm in the midst of this massive life transition thing... and I am making huge changes in my life. <br />
<br />
One of those changes is to actually write. Whether it be in this blog or working on my stories or a novel, I need to write more. So here I am, writing, blogging, multiple times within a month. (craaazy.) <br />
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Hmm.. something to think about, I guess...<br />
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My birthday was Saturday. Woo hoo, twenty-eight. <br />
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I'm not sure if it is because of my birthday or because of... something else, I'm just at this point in my life in which I feel as though I need to make some pretty significant life changes. (like moving 1000 miles, while not knowing or having a plan of exactly where I will be, even a year from now.) I'm trying to push the envelope a little bit, push myself out of my comfort zone, so to speak.<br />
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I'm calling this my "year of adventure."<br />
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I've made a list of adventurey things that I want to do this year:<br />
(and I'm going to make them public, because I need to be held accountable or else I may never do them.)<br />
1. Get my SCUBA certification. This has been a dream since I was a child. I always told my dad that I would go on a SCUBA trip with him, but he died waaay before I was old enough to get certified. It's time to fulfill it, even if it means I go diving by myself.<br />
2. Go on a solo road trip adventure. By living in Florida and working for Disney, I currently have friends that live in almost every state. I want to see so many of them. (and places. I want to see places.)<br />
3. Move somewhere new. (obviously, this depends on work and jobs.) For many years, I dreamed about living in Chicago or New York, but I've decided that I want to live somewhere a little bit more laid back. I'd like to live my life somewhere beautiful. When I think about moving, I think of my friend, Latefa, who moved to Montana for AmeriCorps after college.. then stayed for a while, then moved to North Dakota. She's not afraid of trying new places, new things (she also told me today that she just bought a motorcycle. I'm not going that far. ha.). I'd like to try new cities, too. <br />
4. Write. Freelance write. Work on my short stories. Blog. Write a novel. <br />
5. Speaking of novel writing, National Novel Writing Month is November. I've attempted to participate once. Maybe this is my year.<br />
6. Travel. I want to see places, do things, enjoy people. I think it may be the best way to learn about myself. <br />
7. Say yes. This is something that I've started in the past year. I used to ALWAYS say no to new things, hide in my comfort zone and around my specific group of tight knit friends. That part of me is over. I need to experience new. <br />
8. Volunteer. I used to volunteer a lot. I taught for Junior Achievement, I volunteered with a leadership group when I was in college... I want to bring that back. <br />
9. Work on my French. I'm a little obsessed with France and French culture. I've studied the language, visited the country... but I want to work on it some more. <br />
10. Get a tattoo. (this is something I've put off for years and years and years... and years. and years.)<br />
11. Epilepsy awareness month. November. I want to get my story out there a little more, get some more awareness. I'm still toying with this idea.<br />
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This list is obviously not exhaustive. It will be added to, edited, changed... it's just a list of ideas, at this point.<br />
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I just... feel like life is much too short to be stuck in once place, being unhappy. I'm on this journey and there are things that I'm looking for... specifically, joy, laughter, and... following my dreams. <br />
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I've been a big dreamer for as long as I can remember, especially when it has come to writing. (I mean, I also wanted to be an Olympic swimmer and a professional baseball player... but I'm just going to have to make some sacrifices for my writing.) <br />
<br />
I've been told that I dream too big, that I need to make smaller goals, that I'm setting myself up for failure. However, I've also been told, recently, that I'm inspirational (that one floors me), that I'm brave, that people are proud of me. <br />
<br />
I think that I've been waiting until I was ready, comfortable to do these things, but now I'm realizing that I may never be comfortable taking these steps, traveling on my own, getting my SCUBA certification... putting my writing out there. I need to just take the leap. So that's what I'm doing.<br />
<br />
(I mean, by trying to write freelance and write a novel... and putting my short stories out there... these things are huge for me. I don't DO that. I don't share my writing with anybody. Ever.)<br />
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I need to leave my comfort zone.<br />
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On a running note, I'm still going to run my races and write about them, too. I'm just not going to only be the girl who runs and works all of the time. <br />
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Time for change...<br />
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<em>G</em><em>reat people do things before they’re ready. They do things before they know they can do it. And by doing it, they’re proven right. Because, I think there’s something inside of you—and inside of all of us—when we see something and we think, “I think I can do it, I think I can do it. But I’m afraid to.” Bridging that gap, doing what you’re afraid of, getting out of your comfort zone, taking risks like that—THAT is what life is. And I think you might be really good. You might find out something about yourself that’s special. And if you’re not good, who cares? You tried something. Now you know something about yourself. Now you know. A mystery is solved. So, I think you should just give it a try. Just inch yourself out of that back line. Step into life. Courage. Risks. Yes. Go. Now. (Amy Poehler)</em></div>
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Postscript: I'd be lying if I said I wasn't terrified. </div>
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alicia.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05515202435312839597noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3973916509841254702.post-57959170540743568102014-09-28T02:20:00.002-04:002014-09-28T02:21:08.386-04:00taking big chances, making big changes.I officially suck at blogging. Well, I've been writing and expressing myself on other platforms, but I've completely abandoned this blog. I'm supposed to be writing about my races here and I haven't been... so here's a list of my races since I've last written.<br />
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- The Highlander, March 2013. My first (and thus far, only) obstacle course race. It was SO intense. I lived to tell the tale. I'll do another one day.<br />
- Geist Half Marathon, May 2013. It was really hilly and intense and I was less than two minutes from my PR at the end. (or something like that.) I was super frustrated, but I lived to tell the tale. <br />
- Tower of Terror 10 miler, October 2013. It was better than the previous year, as far as humidity goes, but not great weather by any means. I do like myself a Disney race, though.<br />
- Chicago Marathon, October 2013. Rough race. I was undertrained, to say the least, and basically finished on willpower and adrenaline. Intense. Not my best race.<br />
- Tour de Pain Extreme, March 2014. I PR'd in two of the three races that weekend. I was pretty proud of myself, honestly. That was a rough weekend, but a good one..<br />
- Oklahoma City Memorial Half Marathon, April 2014. It was a great race, but I was pretty sick and fevery the whole time, so I didn't do well. I probably should not have run, but I am stubborn, sooo.... I couldn't help myself. <br />
(also some 5ks and other short races.)<br />
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<em>my mom, brother, and myself after the Oklahoma City Memorial half. </em></div>
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So, life has changed for me SO much in the last year. I started a few new jobs, pushed my boundaries, and changed everything for myself. It's been intense and crazy.<br />
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One year ago today, I was preparing for Tower of Terror, my birthday, then Chicago. I was working in a theme park and had been for about two weeks. I hated my job (and actually never even visited the park as a guest while I worked there for two months.). When I wasn't working, I was looking into getting another job, thinking about going to graduate school for creative writing, thinking about doing big things with my life... doing a lot of thinking, but not really doing much planning or ...doing. I was stuck in my comfort zone, hanging out with the same two or three people, working a job that I hated, but was comfortable, just living day by day. <br />
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Last November, I started working at a local running store. That's when I started to change, when everything started to change for me. That was my first retail job, save for one Christmas seasonal job many years ago. It was a job that was related to something that I was passionate about and, frankly, I was pretty excited about it. It was a little bit of a step out of my comfort zone, since I wasn't accustomed to working in retail, and because I really only knew the things about running that pertained to myself. I challenged myself to learn a lot about my new job and, so, I did learn a lot. <br />
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I also made new friends. I had been in Florida for a little bit over three years at that point and I had pretty much stuck to the same core group of friends, my roommate, who I moved to Florida with all of those years ago and a few friends that I worked with at my previous job. I am, initially, pretty quiet, so it takes me a little while to really get to know people. I did make new friends in my new job, though, friends that really helped me to see things through a new perspective, see how much I could change and really become who I wanted to be. <br />
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I applied to go back to school this fall, which would have been last month, and even got accepted. It was a tough choice, though, because I wasn't sure that I wanted a third Bachelors Degree... I really just need to get my Masters. (getting another Bachelors would be like going back to my comfort zone again. This entire year has been about pushing those boundaries.)<br />
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Then, last May, I got a second job, lifeguarding. That pushed my comfort zone even further. Though I was pretty much raised in water, love swimming, and swam competitively a little bit, the idea of being responsible for saving OTHER people was a little bit overwhelming. I almost decided to give up as soon as I started, to run back to something that would make me feel more comfortable. BUT, this entire year has been about me pushing my boundaries... so I did. I stayed. <br />
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The last four or five months have been really conflicting. My mind has been all over the place. I've been in Florida for four years. Moving here from Indiana was a huge deal. I was 23, just finished college, and moving for graduate school. I didn't finish grad school, which is disappointing, but I learned a lot about myself while I was here. I made friends from all over the world. (literally, from China to England to Canada to... pretty much ever state in the United States.) I always wanted to move to Florida, so I did... and I made it work. It wasn't everything that I wanted, but I gave it a shot and that's what is important. <br />
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So, it has been a little over four years. <br />
& now the adventure is ending. <br />
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My last day at work is this week, my birthday is on Saturday, and then I am going back to Indiana to work for a while and search for my dream job. (and work on my writing.) I don't know how long I will be there, but I will enjoy my family, go to my cousin's football games, my other cousin's roller derby bouts, hang out with my sister, play with my baby cousins, visit my grandparents... and take some time to figure a few things out about myself. (oh. and I will also get to hang out with some of the best friends in the world. duh.)<br />
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I might be most excited for an Indiana Thanksgiving and Christmas. <br />
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If I've learned anything this year, it's that I can do a lot of things. I need to focus on the things that I'm passionate about and try to do these big things that I've been talking about doing for years, but have been putting off. I have really stepped out of my comfort zone in the last year, which is pretty big for me, being a comfort zone kind of girl and all... I just want to continue pushing myself. So that's what this plan is.<br />
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I've had this lifetime fantasy about my life, since I was very young. Well, the dream really began when my mom was reading Laura Ingalls Wilder's <u>Little House on the Prairie</u> to me, so, probably around the age of five or six. I've wanted to be a writer, I've wanted to write stories that impacted other people the way that those books impacted me and made me think. I've wanted to live somewhere beautiful, to have the kind of life that I can do my writing and then go outside and enjoy the beauty. For a while, I studied Journalism, I even studied Mass Communications in grad school a little bit, but I'm not a reporter. I'm not hard hitting, I'm not in your face. I want to write beautiful stories, live in a beautiful place, and make a small impact in the world. <br />
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So that's the dream... and in order to achieve it, I actually have to step out of my comfort zone. I have to share my very personal stories with people. (which I don't do. ever.) I have to learn to stand on my own two feet without leaning so heavily on other people. <br />
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...and honestly, I need to stop settling on mediocre. I can be bigger and better than I am allowing myself to be. I've been okay with mediocre for way too long. <br />
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<em>"I began to realize how important it was to be an enthusiast in life. If you are interested in something, no matter what it is, go at it at full speed ahead. Embrace it with both arms, hug it, love it, and, above all, become passionate about it. Lukewarm is no good. Hot is no good either. White hot and passionate is the only thing to be." (Roald Dahl)</em></div>
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Honestly, I'm making massive changes in my life right now. It's terrifying, especially for a comfort zone kind of girl. At the same time, I also realize how important it is. All of it... </div>
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As much as this last year has changed SO much about my life, I think that the next year will be even bigger for me. I'm excited, but nervous and terrified. </div>
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sidenote: I couldn't have made these decisions without two really awesome people that I know. (well, two and a halfish, maybe three.) The people who told me to do it when I told them about my writing, about my goals, about my huge life changes. (so thanks. just saying.)</div>
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over and out.</div>
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...and maybe I'll actually write a race report about Chicago this time. haha. </div>
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<em>My friend Andi and me, after I didn't die in Chicago last year.</em></div>
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alicia.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05515202435312839597noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3973916509841254702.post-10851174111538275322014-04-16T09:40:00.002-04:002014-04-16T09:41:25.531-04:00Boston Memories. It is difficult to believe that it has been a year (and a day) since the bombings at the Boston Marathon last year. <br />
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Boston has meant a lot to me since I began running. I have this slightly crazy hope that, someday, I will make it to that race. I have hours to cut off of my marathon time in order to just qualify, but I am (and always have been) a dreamer, so I am hopeful.<br />
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Last year, I was at work on the day of Boston. I remember being disappointed, because I would not be able to watch the race online like I had for the previous several years. I checked on the race via my phone a few times during the day. I vividly remember standing next to the elevator with my friend, Kristen, when I got a Facebook notification that someone had commented on the status that I had posted earlier in the day, that I was excited about the race (and about Abe Lincoln, but that's a different story) and that it would be a good day. A friend of mine had commented that it was not a good day in Boston. That's when I checked all of the major news outlets and my heart broke. <br />
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I remember that Kristen and I stepped into the elevator and went straight downstairs to the break room to watch the news. It was awful. I could hardly go back to work. I had to keep going back to watch the news, over and over, for the rest of the day. I ran into a friend who had thought that I might actually be in Boston.. she had been worried about me all day. When I got home, I could not walk away from the news, either. Eventually, I did drag myself away to go for a run. <br />
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It took me a while to actually feel back to normal... and I was not even in Boston. I was just a girl who had run a handful of marathons (and a lot of half marathons) who had dreams of crossing the finish line in Boston. I was sad, hurt, angry... so many things. I couldn't stop thinking about it for several days.<br />
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I still feel so many of those feelings, but I also feel empowered. Someday, I will be in Boston on Patriot's Day, whether it be to run or to volunteer. I would just love to take part in the event. <br />
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<em>The next race afterward was the Geist Half. I ran it for Boston.</em></div>
alicia.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05515202435312839597noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3973916509841254702.post-38447139778567268822014-04-08T23:21:00.001-04:002014-04-08T23:25:14.274-04:00Neurological disorders...and one reason why I run. I know, I know... I haven't written in pretty much a year. The last year of my life has been a whirlwind.. but I need to be better about my writing.<br />
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Today, on my run, I thought a lot about both my dad and my grandma. My dad had epilepsy and died of a massive seizure when he was 31. My grandma has Alzheimer's, which has taken her beautiful memories and stories. When I think about the fact that neurological disorders are so prevalent in this world, I am both sad and angry. I feel like there is not enough awareness, understanding, or general discussion about either disorder.<br />
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My dad's death was unexpected, especially for a ten year old. He told me about his epilepsy just a few months before he died, but I was young and didn't really understand what it was. Then, he was gone. It took me a long time to deal with it. When I was 22, I started having episodes that felt like a mix between deja vu and panic attacks. Because I knew nothing about epilepsy or seizures, I thought that I had schizophrenia, and, naturally, told no one. (also... since I was studying psychology, I knew that schizophrenia usually came on in a person's early 20s. It was my biggest fear.) I was having these "episodes" almost daily, and sometimes multiple times a day. It was horrible. From November until February, I only told my roommates about my episodes, because, obviously, they both witnessed them a few times. My first grand mal seizure was on February 23, 2009. I was at work and had a panic attack/deja vu episode, but that time everything went black. Then I had some sort of a dream like I was floating through clouds. It was actually pretty pleasant. When I woke up, I was laying on the floor surrounded by some of my work friends. Someone said that it looked like I had a seizure. In that moment, everything made sense... at least to me.<br />
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After a trip to the emergency room, a day of wearing a heart rate monitor, an EEG, and an ultrasound of my heart... I knew nothing. All of my tests came back as normal. It was pretty awful, but at that time, I did not know that you cannot be diagnosed as having epilepsy unless you have two or more documented seizures. In my mind, I knew that I had epilepsy. <br />
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So, fast forwarding a few months to June 24 2009, I had a seizure in my sleep. Katherine woke up to a screeching noise and watched the whole thing. Being the person that she is, she wrote down everything that she witnessed. When I woke up later, she told me that I had a seizure. I remember being upset and feeling sick. I went back to the hospital and was officially diagnosed. Partial complex temporal epilepsy. <br />
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It took me a while to get adjusted to having epilepsy. For a while, I was really angry and pretty emotional about the diagnosis. Epilepsy stole my dad, so I didn't think that it was fair that I had it, too. After a little bit, I adjusted to it. I am not as angry about it anymore. When I think about it, it is more an opportunity for me. I have more of a connection with my dad and feel that I can make a difference through my diagnosis. I feel strongly about spreading awareness. I read articles and books about epilepsy all of the time. I talk to my friends about it. When I was first diagnosed, I worked several part time jobs at once and I took first aid information to post at work. I talk about it all of the time and I joke about my brain a lot. <br />
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I do get angry sometimes about the fact that people don't know about epilepsy. Every November is Epilepsy Awareness Month... and sometimes, I feel like the people that I know don't understand or know enough about it... and I am just one person. I cannot spread awareness to the entire world. I try to, though. <br />
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I do remember one day, a few years ago, when someone asked me about my epilepsy. He had seen something that I shared on social media and wanted to know about my experience with epilepsy. I explained everything that I knew to him. Later, he thanked me for helping him learn about it. <br />
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For the most part, I am seizure free and have been for a few years. I have not had a grand mal seizure since the time that I had one in my sleep in 2009. I have had some smaller seizures since then, but not as frequently or as intensely as before I was medicated. I am also much healthier than I was when I first started having seizures. I eat much better and exercise much more frequently (and I started running. a lot.)<br />
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My Nana M. has always been one of the best people that I know. I was lucky enough to have a great and close relationship with ALL four of my grandparents while I was growing up. My Nana M. is a big reason for the person that I am today. She gave me a love of photography. I won't forget sitting in her house looking at her photo albums for hours. She had them organized by year... and had so many photographs. The best thing about her photographs was that she had a story for every single one. She told so many great stories. I feel like I know so much about her childhood, even though I was not there to partake in it. I loved listening to them- one of her favorites were about digging a swimming pool with her siblings. I remember listening to her stories, amazed. Looking back, I think that she really impacted my life with her life stories. She's the reason that I love to tell my own stories... and the reason that I would like to write memoirs. She is also the reason that I still love to send (and receive) real letters in the mail. I appreciate the written word so much and she influenced that.<br />
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I also got to see many musicals and plays with her. I loved getting that time with my grandparents. There is one very special musical memory that I have with my grandparents. The three of us went to see The Sound of Music. I loved it so much. When we got back to my grandparents' house after seeing the stage version, Nana and I watched the movie version together. We were up pretty late watching the movie. Any time that I see the movie, I think of her and of that great evening. <br />
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My brothers and I spent a lot of time with her while we were little, because my mom was in school. I have the best memories with her. (gardening, baseball, going for walks, movies, Rescue 911, swimming, making cookies.... and so on.)<br />
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Nana M. now has Alzheimer's. At this point, it has progressed pretty far. She is in a nursing home and it breaks my heart a little. I really don't think that it is fair that someone who loved to tell stories, to write letters, to share memories more than anybody else I know... just does not get to have that any longer. If I could hear one more Nana M. story, it would mean so much to me. <br />
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I feel very passionate about Alzheimer's research. There is no reason that the most wonderful people in this world have everything important taken from their mind. I understand that the brain is complex and that we may never know everything about it, but I just would do anything so that nobody would have to go through losing themselves in the slow, painful way that Alzheimer's takes people. It is terrifying and miserable. <br />
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Both Alzheimer's and epilepsy make me very angry sometimes. I want more research, more awareness, and more understanding. I am so dedicated to talking about neurological disorders, because they have impacted me in a way that I cannot even express. I need to figure out a way to better spread awareness about both, because my Nana M. and my dad have been two people that have meant a ton to me. They both inspire me to live life to the fullest extent that I know how.<br />
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One of the reasons that I run is because I can. Because so many people cannot. I run for my grandma and for my dad. During each of my 5 full marathons, I have thought about both of them when it has gotten rough. They have both helped me push through. <br />
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My family means everything to me...<br />
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<!--3-->alicia.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05515202435312839597noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3973916509841254702.post-56676999966876686332013-04-16T14:37:00.000-04:002013-04-16T14:46:32.581-04:00Boston Thoughts.I don't really know how to put my thoughts and my feelings into words. I spent yesterday wondering "why" over and over again.<br />
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Why runners?<br />
Why Boston?<br />
Why the marathon?<br />
Why the finish line?<br />
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I started running just over four years ago. I was obese and felt terrible. I had just started having seizures (though undiagnosed at that point and I had no idea what was wrong with me) and did not want to get any less healthy than I already was. Running wasn't about anything but the exercise and weight loss. It was calories in and calories out. I didn't even run outside for a long time.. it was all about running on the treadmill at the little fitness center at my apartment complex.<br />
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Then my mom suggested that we run the <a href="http://www.fort4fitness.org/">Fort4Fitness Half Marathon</a>. I signed up with NO idea how much it was going to change my life. On September 26, 2009, I ran my first half marathon. After that, I was hooked. Three and a half years later and I've run numerous 5ks, a few 10ks, 16 half marathons, and 4 full marathons... and a number of other random distances, a mud run, and some race "challenges"- like the Tour de Pain and the Goofy Challenge.<br />
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Through running, I have come to find myself and become a stronger and more full person. Because of running, I've developed a stronger relationship with my mom. Through running, I've made connections with new and wonderful people. To be a runner is to belong to a wonderful community.<br />
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Yesterday was the first time in several years that I wasn't able to "watch" Boston. I had to work, but was still very excited about it- sneaking on my phone every so often to check on how the elite runners had done.<br />
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Right after I had taken my break, I was standing by the elevator talking to my friend, Kristen, when I got a notification on my phone. Someone had commented on my Facebook status (about Boston and it being a great day), saying that today was not a good day in Boston. I immediately read about what happened on Twitter and CNN. My heart broke.<br />
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I've never run Boston. I dream of qualifying and running, but it seems far off. I do relate to that final push before the end.. seeing the finish line, sprinting toward it.<br />
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To think of someone (some group, etc.) placing bombs in that area is horrible. It hits me in a place so close to my heart. The finish line of a marathon is one of the most jubilant and wonderful places that I have been. To think that this has happened to a community that I am a part of hurts. A lot. Runners and their spectators are the most wonderful, caring people.<br />
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Reports that some exhausted and drained runners ran to hospitals to donate blood show exactly the type of people that runners are.<br />
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I also love spectators. I don't think I could have completed my first marathon without knowing that my best friend was there at different mile markers waiting for me and that my mom was trying to find me throughout the different Disney parks. In Chicago last October, I ran with a Goofy Challenge shirt. Thousands of people yelled "Go Goofy" throughout the route. Those people who make signs and go stand and cheer for runners in CRAZY temperatures and weather are some of the best people out there. I have never spectated a race. It is one of the most selfless and giving things that people do.<br />
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I just wanted to share some marathon and spectator photos from my own running experiences.</div>
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I won't quit running because of this. I'll probably run more, train harder, and dream bigger. My heart is just a little broken right now. </div>
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I will show up in Chicago this October fitter and stronger than ever. Nobody can take away what running has given me. </div>
<br />alicia.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05515202435312839597noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3973916509841254702.post-63948438856917946672013-01-24T22:57:00.001-05:002013-01-24T22:57:21.793-05:00Still not registered for any races...It is such a weird feeling to not be registered for any races. It has literally been years since I have not known what my next race will be. At this point, I'm really focused on school and getting my entire body fit... and I really wanted to make this year about getting triathlon ready. It's just weird.. almost like an empty feeling. I'm sure I'll come up with some races to do this year. Katherine and I talked about running Chicago in the fall.. which I think would be REALLY fun to do again. My mom said she would come to spectate. I have also thought about running the Tower of Terror 10 miler again, because I did the first one, and if I keep it up, I can be a "perfect 20" someday, too. haha. I'll probably do WDW Marathon Weekend again next year.. but none of those races have even opened up yet. It's so crazy.<br />
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In 2012, I ran 8 half marathons, 2 full marathons, a 10 miler, a 10k, and several 5ks. It was a crazy running year. That's probably why I feel like I need a break from races. I was definitely burned out by the end of the year.<br />
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Anyways, today Kath and I went for a little run. It was at an okay pace, not super fast, but not slow, either. I feel like my endurance has improved a lot over the past few months. We talked and ran together. It was fun. I'm glad that I'm not training for something. It's nice to have a more laid back attitude about running. I kinda like it.<br />
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I can't wait until the weather gets better so I can swim!<br />
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2013:<br />
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Miles run: 57.87/1000<br />
Miles biked: 0<br />
Meters swum: 0<br />
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<br />alicia.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05515202435312839597noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3973916509841254702.post-74434755625953686472013-01-22T01:21:00.000-05:002013-01-22T01:22:40.825-05:00Disney Marathon Weekend Part Two: Full Marathon DayI had a lot of different emotions coming into the marathon. I felt untrained, unprepared, and really not ready. Frankly, part of me was dreading it. I just wasn't in the right mental space to run 26.2 miles.. then I found out that the weather was going to be insanely hot... and I looked forward to it even less, if that is possible. ...but everybody else in my group was really excited about it.<br />
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Everybody set individual obnoxious cell phone alarms for 3 am, so there was no question that we would wake up. I actually slept pretty well, considering that it was the night before a huge race. I was pretty worn out from the night before the half (Friday night). I think that, by the time the first obnoxious alarm went off, I had slept 6 or 7 hours, which is VERY good for the night before a race.<br />
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I woke up and realized that half of my face was still swollen from the night before. (I've been having some hives lately.. some kind of an allergic reaction or something. It happened for a little while when I was a kid, too.) I was definitely not excited about a swollen upper lip, but hoped for the best. We got dressed, went to the bus... and Kath realized that she forgot her camera. Sad face, especially since we planned to run separately. After some discussion, I decided to give Kath my camera and run with my mom. We had never run together for more than a few miles before, but we have a similar pace. I also had overheard someone running with her dad during the half and it made me feel thankful to share the experience with my mom. (insert sappy "I miss my dad, but I'm glad that my mom is still here" music...)<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-fV-fbuYFEWo/UP4c2jdkKHI/AAAAAAAAAfk/PKZ241DFQKM/s1600/IMG_0863.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-fV-fbuYFEWo/UP4c2jdkKHI/AAAAAAAAAfk/PKZ241DFQKM/s320/IMG_0863.JPG" width="320" /></a>So we rode the bus to EPCOT and began the long walk to the corrals. (It's such a long long walk. That's one thing that Chicago did better, in my opinion. The corral situation was much easier, but probably also easier for running bandits... hence them running out of medals.) We ended up splitting up, because Jen was a corral ahead of the rest of us (that speed demon!). We said our goodbyes, wished her good luck on her very first full marathon (!!), then my mom, Kath and I went to corral E to get ready for the race. We chatted for a while, I excitedly murmured about Joey Fatone running the Goofy Challenge (they were interviewing him). I really felt a personal connection with him... it was his first half AND his first full. That makes him crazier than me. It made me think back to my first Goofy Challenge and how I had no idea what I was getting into. With this one being my third, I was feeling a like I knew what to expect, but not super pumped about it. I knew that it was going to be really emotional, but I wasn't ready to really face that.<br />
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Eventually, the fireworks went off and there went corral A. I started to feel a little bit more excited about the race, but not where I really wished that I could be. I was excited about the idea of running with my mom, because we hadn't done it before. My mom and I have gotten a lot closer since we both started running and have lost all of the weight that we have lost. It is really special to share running with her. (and my best friend! If Kath didn't come along to my races and train with me, I don't know WHAT I would do. It would be a lot more lonely.) I just couldn't really wrap my mind around the 26.2 miles that were looming ahead. I was nervous that the course had changed for the 20th anniversary, because I didn't really have a map in my head of exactly where we were going. I just knew that I was glad that we weren't going to do the EPCOT loop that had been done previously. It does sort of suck to run a 5k and then end up back at the start line, knowing that you still have more than 20 miles to run. haha. Anyways.. eventually, it was Corral E's turn to start and we took off. Kath stayed with my mom and me for close to a mile before she went off to run her first full marathon. My mom and I stayed at a steady pace and talked a little bit before we got to the Magic Kingdom. We planned to stop in the park for pictures (and a clean bathroom stop!), so we knew we would lose time that we would have to make up for.<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-zqo00gGauNU/UP4i0oHBjlI/AAAAAAAAAf8/vFLM8LinDy4/s1600/100_1767.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-zqo00gGauNU/UP4i0oHBjlI/AAAAAAAAAf8/vFLM8LinDy4/s320/100_1767.jpg" width="320" /></a>One of the parts that I always dread during a Run Disney event is the giant hill in front of the Contemporary. It came at mile 4 (ish) during the half, and this time, during the full, too. As always, the hill was very challenging. It's a steep hill down, followed by a just as steep hill straight back up. My mom and I walked the up hill part... It takes much less energy to walk sometimes.. and it isn't too much of a different pace! At that point, we were passed by a coworker of my mom's, who said hello and went on his way. (I love how much of a community running is!) We ran into the Magic Kingdom and down Main Street. It is always really exhilarating to see all of the spectators lined up along Main Street, cheering for their runners. It always sort of makes me tear up. It was neat to get to run down Main Street with my mom. Last year at the half, we happened to meet up there and get a cute picture, but during this race we were together on purpose!<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-dHSkUWRyEUg/UP4i09TsyBI/AAAAAAAAAgE/rlIadWFInWY/s1600/100_1768.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-dHSkUWRyEUg/UP4i09TsyBI/AAAAAAAAAgE/rlIadWFInWY/s320/100_1768.jpg" width="320" /></a>After we ran down Main Street, we stopped for a picture with Buzz Lightyear! Then we used the park's bathrooms, which is ALWAYS a good idea. When you can avoid the port-a-potty, you always should. (At least, that is my philosophy.) We ran through Tomorrowland and into Fantasyland.. Then we ran through the castle and into Liberty Square and Frontierland. That's always a fun part for me, because I keep my eyes out for coworkers. This time, just like on Saturday, I stopped at the Market and waved to some of my fellow stockers.. then we went on our way. My mom and I had lost some time, but knew that we would make it up on the dreaded Bear Island Road. (I had been dreading Bear Island Road the most out of the whole race. I almost lost all of my motivation on Bear Island Road last year and nearly walked the entire thing!)<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-YmHwp2--VOU/UP4lwqOo3LI/AAAAAAAAAgc/rbjVaNydHKo/s1600/100_1779.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-YmHwp2--VOU/UP4lwqOo3LI/AAAAAAAAAgc/rbjVaNydHKo/s320/100_1779.jpg" width="320" /></a>After Magic Kingdom, we ran back toward the Transportation and Ticket Center, where the next part of the course was to run on the Speedway. I had never even seen the Speedway, so I knew that it was going to be a surprise for me. This part was one of the new portions of the course that they had changed this year, for the 20th anniversary of the race. It actually ended up being pretty neat. There was a crazy downhill/uphill to get onto the speedway, which was ROUGH, but there were a lot of old cars sitting out. It reminded me of going to the Muddy River Run with my uncle when I was a kid. We also stopped for a picture with Mater from Cars. Otherwise, it was a little crazy how slanted the road was, some parts were a little more hilly than others. It was a good change, though. I'd definitely do that again rather than the "to EPCOT and back to the start line" beginning that we had done in the past.<br />
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After the Speedway was Bear Island Road. I told my mom that I had really struggled there last year and she had too. I was glad that it came earlier in the course this time, because I felt like I still had some energy to power through the road. At first, it was okay and we ran at a pretty good pace, cutting some legitimate time that we had lost during the Magic Kingdom. We chatted and stayed together. Eventually, we got to the sanitation plant, which was pretty terrible. It smelled worst than it had in years past and I literally had to run on the side of the road gagging. I was pretty sure that I was going to throw up... Somehow, I didn't and was able to keep going. (Then I made the mistake of waiting in the LONGEST bathroom line of all time and we lost ALL of the time that we had just made up. Plus some.)<br />
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Animal Kingdom was good. It's always really short though. I wish that there was another mile in the park, because it goes by so quickly. (Next year, I'm thinking about hopping on Expedition Everest during the marathon. That would be a hell of a story to tell!) When we got to the parking lot after Animal Kingdom (mile 14ish), I sped up a little bit, then slowed down. I really wanted to stay with my mom and help her stay motivated. She was doing her best, but really struggling with the heat. She was having some pain in her jaw that was bothering her and was drained. She told me to go ahead a couple times and joked about getting on the next bus, but ended up feeling a little better and we kept going. When we got to mile 16, we were running on one side of the street and lots of people ahead of us (at mile 21!) were running back on the opposite side of the street. All of a sudden, Kath came bounding across the grassy median to give hugs and say hello. I was very excited to see that she seemed to be feeling so awesome at that point.<br />
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My mom and I ended up splitting up right before mile 17. She had decided to walk for a while and I really wanted to just get moving. It was right before ESPN, which is pretty significant, because it was the part I was looking forward to the second least (only after Bear Island Road!). I knew that it was going to be a part that I was going to be in my head a LOT. The last time that I ran out there was during the Tower of Terror 10 miler, which was a really significant race for me personally and really signified a pretty big shift in my life. I expected to be hit with memories and I really was. There is something about running that can really get to me. I almost never run with music, so I am always stuck in my head thinking about things, memories, ideas, when I'm out there. All of the feelings that I had been feeling for the past several months hit me right then... like I expected. It was an extremely emotional three miles through the Wide World of Sports.. and I needed it. My life has been through so many changes in the past year that were awesome and awful. I thought about every moment during those three miles.<br />
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After the Wide World of Sports, I still had an okay pace. I pushed it up the last overpass toward Hollywood Studios, knowing that I was close and trying not to think about or be concerned for my mom. Running through Hollywood Studios was almost like a relief for me. I knew that I was almost there and I felt VERY strong and very confident. From that was the Boardwalk, then World Showcase at EPCOT... (I do love watching people buy beer and snacks during the final stretch of the marathon.) Before I knew it, I had crossed the finish line! I was hot and emotional. I felt like my body had just been through one of the most difficult things it had ever been through... and that was accurate. It was the most emotional race of my life, topped by it being the day after a half.. and the heat was insane.<br />
<br />
I turned on my phone as I walked toward the snack station and got a text from my mom saying that she had been picked up by the bus and was waiting for me. I almost lost it right then. Somehow, I walked to the Goofy Tent, got my medal, and then started crying. When I met up with my mom, I started sobbing. It was the most out of control I have been in a long time. I didn't even know how to put words to what I was feeling in that moment. It was nuts. Eventually, I calmed down and we got on the bus back to the hotel, showered, and got ready for the parks for the evening.<br />
<br />
I felt more calm as time went on. I expected for it to be emotional, but all of it with the heat and with feeling sad that I left my mom and she didn't get to finish just combined for a really awful few moments.<br />
<br />
...but I'll probably be back for more next year.<br />
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2013:<br />
Miles run: 53.75/1000<br />
Miles biked: 0<br />
Meters swum: 0alicia.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05515202435312839597noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3973916509841254702.post-70696282666696678342013-01-17T23:21:00.004-05:002013-01-17T23:22:29.979-05:00Walt Disney World Marathon Weekend!!! (part 1. half marathon.)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I can't say that I was very excited about this weekend this year.. for a few reasons. This was my third Disney Marathon Weekend and my third Goofy's Race and a Half Challenge. I was nervous about it, because I knew that they had changed the marathon course and it would be a little bit different than I was used to. The weather forecast was terrible. (low to mid 80s. not okay for January.) Awful awful awful. Then, there were a few personal things that were hindering my excitement.<br />
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This year, my mom, her friend Jennifer, and Katherine all decided to run the marathon portion. (If you remember, faithful readers.. aka my mom, grandma, Kath, and Megi.. hahaha... my mom participated in the Goofy Challenge last year and loved and hated it, but decided not to do it this year.)<br />
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<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-lGdSNekpZ6g/UPjER5c7tJI/AAAAAAAAAdo/iw8s9t8dSwk/s1600/IMG_0816.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-lGdSNekpZ6g/UPjER5c7tJI/AAAAAAAAAdo/iw8s9t8dSwk/s320/IMG_0816.JPG" width="320" /></a>Kath and I went to the expo on Thursday after I got out of class. We had to kinda rush over, because we wanted to be sure to have a little bit of time to walk around and look at stuff. We ended up with about an hour and a half to pick up our race stuff and look around the expo. It ended up being just about the right amount of time. We decided that we would have liked to have had a little bit more time, but we were okay. One really cool thing that they had at the expo was the wall of all of the runners' names like the Chicago Marathon had at their expo (I'm not sure if it was just marathoners or not, because everyone in our group was doing the full marathon.). That was really neat. I hope that I can see a wall of names at a lot of my races in the future.<br />
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I ended up buying myself some compression socks and a jacket. I really wanted some more 2xU compression socks, since they are my new favorite, but the ones that I got were Zensah, which I also use... and were a little cheaper. Can't go wrong with a good deal. This time, I got purple tie dye compression sleeves, which adds to my collection of one pink and one red pair. I need more colors so I don't look ridiculous with brightly colored compression socks with my non-matching shorts and shirts. hahaha. There is definitely something to be said about trying to look cute when going for a run! (It IS possible. I assure you!)<br />
<br />
On Friday, my mom and Jen flew in! I picked them up to the airport, we picked up some groceries, and off to Disney it was! First, we hit up the expo (again for me! can't get enough!), then went to dinner at the Rainforest Cafe at Downtown Disney. That was fun. I had some awesome coconut shrimp, which I loved! Everyone's food looked pretty yummy, though. The next thing I knew, it was time to go check into the hotel and go to sleep.. Saturday's wake up call was going to come way too soon!<br />
<br />
<b>Saturday. Half Marathon.</b><br />
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After a few hours of restless sleep, my alarm went off... at 3 am. (that's my least favorite part of Run Disney. Good Lord.) Katherine and I got out of bed and slowly got dressed.. I had a traditional half of a peanut butter sandwich for breakfast on the bus as we headed to EPCOT. When we got there, we walked around and talked a little bit, then I went off to the corrals, while Katherine went to her usual spectator spots. The walk to the corrals was REALLY crowded this year for some reason. I don't know if it was because we walked around and talked instead of heading right for them or what. Whatever it was, it was nuts. I finally got to my corral when the fireworks were going off... (It is also worth mentioning that they played "Bye, Bye, Bye" when Joey Fatone crossed the start line. I was such a middle school girl again during that moment. It was fantastic.)<br />
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The half was more about fun for me. I planned to pace myself well and stop for pictures whenever I felt like it. So that's how it went. I ran at a pretty decent pace until I got to the Magic Kingdom. At that point, I stopped for a lot of pictures in the park, which was fun and definitely worth it. I was not worried about getting picked up by the bus or pushing it too hard that I would end up hurt for the full the next day. I had a ton of fun. I saw Kath at her usual spectating points, which was pretty awesome (though more crowded than usual this year!). It's always nice to see someone that you know out there cheering. Props to her for being awesome and getting up early for so many races that she isn't even running!<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-G3eyp8VIc1M/UPjMGKZASAI/AAAAAAAAAe8/P9SyxeeO6VI/s1600/IMG_0855.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-G3eyp8VIc1M/UPjMGKZASAI/AAAAAAAAAe8/P9SyxeeO6VI/s320/IMG_0855.JPG" width="240" /></a>After I left the Magic Kingdom, I picked up the pace a little bit. By that point, I was practically halfway back to EPCOT. I didn't really have any qualms about not finishing like I have before. It's crazy how much confidence can build up over a period of time. Last year, I was super anxious about the sweeper bus. This year, I really wasn't worried at all.<br />
<br />
I had a ton of fun running the half. I love doing these races. It was a little bit emotional for me, because it brought back a lot of memories of different things and people throughout the last year. It's really good to have that time to think, though. When I'm doing other things, I can avoid really thinking deeply the way that I do when I run. When I'm running, there really isn't any other option than to get into my head and really think about things. That's really important.. and I'm glad that I have that time.<br />
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[the full marathon post will come this weekend!]<br />
<br />
<br />
2013<br />
<br />
<br />
Miles run: 50.65/1000<br />
Miles biked: 0<br />
Meters swum: 0alicia.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05515202435312839597noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3973916509841254702.post-34186914357463281342013-01-10T00:48:00.001-05:002013-01-10T00:48:53.535-05:00Starting fresh!I need to revamp my blog a little. Freshen it.<br />
<br />
Actually, I want to change the focus. In 2013, I want to finally hit my 1000 miles (duh), but I want to work on my overall fitness. I want to become a runner/swimmer/biker.. and I want to become triathlon ready. I want to become incredibly fit and in the best health possible so that I can. It will probably take an incredible amount of effort and work on my part.<br />
<br />
So in 2013, my goals are:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>run 1000 miles. Finally. Third time is a charm, right?</li>
<li>cut down my body fat percentage significantly. More muscle, less fat.</li>
<li>Get my nutrition on point.</li>
<ul>
<li>this one is already getting close.</li>
</ul>
<li>Become triathlon ready.</li>
<ul>
<li>buy a bike! ride it a lot.</li>
<li>swim as much as possible.</li>
</ul>
<li>Graduate from grad school!</li>
<li>Get a "real job".</li>
</ul>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
So let's do this...?</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
So.. </div>
<div>
2013 </div>
<div>
Miles run: 7.09/1000</div>
<div>
Miles biked: 0</div>
<div>
Meters swum: 0</div>
alicia.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05515202435312839597noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3973916509841254702.post-19668978993378648072012-12-14T03:23:00.000-05:002012-12-14T03:23:15.918-05:00Race Recap times THREE. It has been so long since I've written in this blog. Months, actually. It's almost embarrassing. I guess life got in the way. There has been a lot of personal life drama going on since the end of October and I have just abandoned the blog. Oops. :-(<br />
<br />
Anyhow, I haven't been running a lot in the past couple of weeks due to school and work... mostly school. I've been really focused on getting through the semester so that I can move forward with life after May. Whew. Anyways.. now back to running. Haven't done it much since Chicago. I've had really good weeks and really awful weeks... but I've been lacking in consistency, unfortunately. Ugh.<br />
<br />
Anyways... so THREE race recaps since the end of October. No joke.<br />
<br />
Race one: <b>Wine & Dine Half Marathon, November 10</b><br />
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As this race was the first one after my really rough Halloween Halfathon experience, I wasn't too excited about it, frankly. I felt burnt out on Disney races for the year (I did way too many...) and felt like I should just stop running for a while. I was also exhausted from work and school, as I have been all semester, so I just wasn't excited. My friend <a href="http://runnermegan.blogspot.com/">Megan </a> came to run with a bunch of her friends (yay new runner friends!), so of course I was looking forward to the weekend. Just not the race part.<br />
<br />
I worked the morning of the race, then took the bus over to Megan and Heather's hotel so that we could all ride over together. (ugh. most awful bus ride ever. Disney transportation is usually reliable, but it was so frustrating and I was in a time crunch.) When I finally got there, I had time to get changed, go to the bathroom, and leave. It was crazy! We went over to the All Star resorts to meet up with more of the group and then headed to the race!<br />
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We hung out at Wide World of Sports for a few hours before it was time to get into the corrals. Before we knew it, it was time to start running! Super crazy. I was a little concerned about how my body would react, because I had been up since early that morning and hadn't had a chance to nap at all. Somehow, I was able to gain a second wind, because I ended up feeling okay the entire race. We all initially split up to run at our own pace, which was fine. The plan was to meet up at mile 5 or 8. So there we went.<br />
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I felt pretty strong right off of the bat. I passed a lot of people, which is sort of the norm for RunDisney. Big corrals and crowding at the beginning. No surprise there. I felt really good. We ran to Animal Kingdom and through the park. I stopped at the bathroom in the park just to be safe and then kept going. I found Megan and Heather right after mile 5 and we ran together for the rest of the race. It was fun. Being Heather's first race, we ran at her pace to ensure that she would finish strong.. and she did!<br />
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We ran through all of the parks besides the Magic Kingdom, which was fun. I enjoyed the course, like I typically do. I just love running through the parks, because there is always so much to look at. They had the Osborne Spectacle of Lights on which was really awesome.<br />
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<i>Megan and I stopped to hang with some friends!</i></div>
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<br />
The race was really fun. We stayed for the after party, but we were all pretty tired, so we didn't do a ton. We hit some rides and then ate. I slept like a baby that night, though. Exhausting day.<br />
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Race two. <b>Subaru Distance Classic Half Marathon, Jacksonville. November 22, Thanksgiving</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
This is an Alicia and Katherine tradition since we moved to Florida. I hope that I can always find a Thanksgiving Day race that I want to participate in, regardless of where I live.<br />
<br />
This race is really neat because it has a small-town feel, even though it is in a fairly large city. Katherine and I both had PRs from last year and were both hoping to get new ones this year. I didn't sleep well the night before, which made me nervous about the race when I woke up in the morning. I wasn't super excited about it. However, I got up and we went out to run.<br />
<br />
Kath started the race with me, but I told her to go run her race pretty quickly and she told me that it would be okay if I took short walk breaks, then ran ahead. I felt fantastic for the entire race and was way under PR pace until mile 8, when I had to use the bathroom so much that I could not physically run anymore. I had skipped every port-a-potty that I had come by, because I didn't want to wait in any lines and screw up my PR hopes. Bad idea. I slowly walked for an entire mile before I could stop. I lost more time in that mile than it could have possibly taken for me to wait in line. At that point, I had slowed my pace down by at least an entire minute. I knew I would not PR unless something crazy happened (not likely).<br />
<br />
At that point, I knew that all I could do was push myself to do the best that I could. So I did. I cut my pace down about 30 seconds per minute (which I was pleased with, considering how late it was during the race). I finished in 2:56... about 6 minutes slower than my PR... but definitely one of my faster races. I was a little disappointed, but pleased that I had done well considering my stubbornness.<br />
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<i>Kath got her PR though! Yay!</i></div>
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Race three. <b>Santa Hustle Half Marathon, Daytona Beach. December 9.</b></div>
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Let's just say... have you ever run a half marathon in sand? It is no joke. At all. Somehow, I missed the memo that the race was actually ON the beach.. until we went to packet pick up. I had hoped to finally get that PR that I almost got a few weeks ago, but I sort of figured that I wouldn't be able to do it.. I was hopeful, though. </div>
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The race didn't start until 9 am. (My thoughts: Yay and nay! It was nice to be able to get ready slowly, BUT it was quite warm outside.) We went to the start for the pre-race party. We had some donuts and walked around and took some pictures. It was really fun. We got to the start... and I felt sort of excited, but nervous about the race. </div>
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The race literally started with an uphill run, then went around a corner and... onto the beach. As soon as we hit the sand, I got frustrated. I felt all of my hopes of a PR and a fantastic race just fly out of the window. I was disappointed and frustrated and overheated... already. It took me a little bit of time to get over it and just try to have a good time. When I finally started to feel a little better, the race got to be a lot more fun. It was really rough on my muscles. Parts of my body that have never ached before were extremely sore... but Katherine stayed with me the entire time and we had some fun talking and trying to push it as hard as we (well I) could. </div>
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Overall, the race was really fun. I wish that I didn't have the high expectations that I did, because the letdown was pretty tough. Once I got out of my head, I really had a fun and challenging race. Our finishing time was 3:11. It was definitely NOT my worst time. I'm impressed with that. My body was more sore after that race than I have been after a race in quite a while. I'm super glad that Kath stayed with me and we were able to run together for the whole race. I definitely took some of my frustrations out on her when I was feeling frustrated and annoyed. (Sorry Kath!!!!!!!) </div>
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Glad I did it.. I don't know if I will do it again next year. We'll see.</div>
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Goal: 1000 miles/366 days</div>
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So far: 770.35 miles/347 days</div>
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To go: 229.65 miles/19 days</div>
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(yep.. not going to happen.)</div>
alicia.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05515202435312839597noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3973916509841254702.post-13312857567310108292012-10-29T15:09:00.001-04:002012-10-29T15:09:50.267-04:00Halloween Halfathon Race RecapYesterday, I ran the Halloween Halfathon in St. Petersburg. I went into the race hoping for a PR, but not being too excited about it. Actually, I've been a little jaded lately and not too excited about very much of anything. Anyways, my friend Alyssa suggested that I go run with her and her cousin, so I decided to drag Katherine with me.<br />
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We decided to dress up for the race. Kath made tutus for both of us, which was really fun. I was Cruella (scariest villan ever) and she went as a "dark fairy/butterfly". Alyssa was Tinkerbell and her cousin, Bria, ran as Ariel. Though I had a lot of trouble getting really excited for the race, I was excited about the costumes.<br />
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Yesterday, we arrived at the race JUST in time for it to start. No joke. I put my chip on my shoe and then we started. It was intense. I felt sluggish from the start. I don't know if it was my lack of sleep (but I never sleep well before a race), not eating the same way as I normally do pre-race, or just my overall exhaustion lately. I was REALLY worried that I wasn't going to PR. I pushed it pretty hard for the first three miles, knowing that I ran at least 6 miles of ToT AND Chicago before a walk break. I really slowed down and walked at three... but still walk/ran and was under the pace that I needed to smash my PR. I was hanging in there.<br />
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At about mile 4.5, I thought I saw Katherine walking toward me. I was super confused. She's never come back to me before and was gunning for a PR this race, too. I was glad to see her, because I was really struggling.. a lot. She said that she had been lonely and knew she wouldn't get her PR, so she turned around. Even though I was in a terrible mood, I'm grateful that she did turn around.<br />
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Major complaint: there were not enough water stops during this race. I am used to a water stop every 1.5 miles... in almost every race that I have ever participated in. Not this time. They were 3-4 miles apart. I was REALLY thirsty each time we got to a water stop and had to grab at least two cups each time. When I got to the stop at mile 9, they were completely out of both Gatorade and water. That was my breaking point. I walked for the next two miles and cried. I felt like I couldn't finish and I was upset. I've never had a meltdown during a race before. I was frustrated with myself for being too slow, for having an awful race. I've run SO many halfs before that I was confident that the distance wasn't too tough.. that I would easily surpass my PR. I felt more fit than I had a year ago when I raced my 2:50 that is my current personal record. I just couldn't do it.<br />
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I finished in 3:08. I still don't feel okay with it.<br />
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I don't know what happened. I don't know why I felt so terrible or why everything fell apart. I'm still frustrated and unhappy.<br />
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Goal: 1000 miles/366 days</div>
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So far: 707.31 miles/303 days<br />
To go: 292.69 miles/63 days<br />
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**okay. I guess that I'm a little excited that I hit 700 miles. I didn't think I'd get there this month. It's been really tough. </div>
alicia.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05515202435312839597noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3973916509841254702.post-24428135065860736152012-10-18T22:52:00.000-04:002012-10-18T22:52:00.295-04:00Three things ThursdayI've never done three things Thursday before, but there's a first for everything.<br />
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-I am SO exhausted. My muscles hurt. Yesterday was my first legs day with Mark the trainer and I'm in so much pain. I ran today anyways.. sort of. I walk-ran slowly. Ugh. I got my mileage in.<br />
- I've started a new food plan. It makes me grumpy. I want to eat crap all of the time.. but I'm doing my best to stick with it.<br />
- These are my new shoes:<br />
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same shoe, new color. They already have 11 miles on them!!</div>
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Goal: 1000 miles/366 days</div>
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So far: 694.12 miles/292 days</div>
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To go: 305.88 miles/74 days</div>
<br />alicia.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05515202435312839597noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3973916509841254702.post-40283148263627211342012-10-15T23:41:00.001-04:002012-10-15T23:41:49.324-04:00First real run back.Today Kath and I went for a run. It was really awesome to finally get back out there and get moving. My lungs still feel a little tight and congested, but that's life, I guess. <div>
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My body remembered how to run and I felt like I was getting into a groove, but the rest of me was fighting it. I'm way too accustomed to not pushing it as much as I need to. I need to try to get some sort of speed training in.<br /><div>
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Unfortunately, I found that my new running shoes aren't that great for me. They have been cutting into my ankles. I guess I could wear higher socks, because they're not terrible shoes, but I went to Track Shack and got some new Nike Lunarglides. These ones are different colors than my recently retired ones, so they seem like they're new! As much as I'd like to experiment with different types of shoes, I've gone through three (the new ones will be my fourth) pairs of Lunarglides and never had a problem. </div>
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I think that I'm going to use the Saucony shoes that I bought in Chicago for gym shoes... which brings me to my next topic... I've gotten back into personal training. I started working out with Mark in April 2010. We worked out together until sometime in January of this year. Now he has started his own training business and I'm back at working out with him. It'll be good to have some guidance at weight training, because I'm terrible at it. He's also helping me to get my nutrition on point, which is a major thing that I need to focus on. Major. We worked on shoulders and arms today, so I may be feeling a little rough in the morning. I've lost so much of my progress that I made working out with him in the first place.</div>
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So yeah. Tomorrow I'm going to get up early(ish) and try to run 7 miles.. then I have lots of homework to work on and softball in the evening. I'm not too many days away from Goofy!</div>
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Goal: 1000 miles/366 days</div>
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So far: 682.29 miles/289 days</div>
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To go: 317.71 miles/77 days</div>
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alicia.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05515202435312839597noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3973916509841254702.post-90286665833443244302012-10-14T16:47:00.001-04:002012-10-14T16:47:37.899-04:00Chicago Marathon Recap!!!!! I guess it is about time that I write my Chicago Marathon race report. It's been a week since the race now and I've been home (sick!) and wishing that it wasn't over. Anyways...<br />
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Last Thursday was my 26th birthday. It started with breakfast with Katherine (and Mickey, Pluto, Lilo, and Stitch!) at O'Hana's. Then, we hit Downtown Disney for a little bit of shopping before I had to come back and finish packing before my flight. (It's practically a birthday tradition to hit Downtown Disney!)<br />
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I flew up to Indiana to spend the rest of my birthday with family. I haven't spend my actual birthday in my hometown since 2006. My mom, sister, and I went out for dinner and drinks (only for my mom and I), then my brother and his fiancee went to get appetizers with us later that night. Yes, appetizers post dinner. That is, by the way, what began my terrible pre-race eating. Bad choices all around.</div>
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Friday, I had lots of appointments. I finally met my baby cousin, Wyatt, who is now five months old! That was fun. Then, we had a big birthday party for me. Super fun! I haven't had a big family gathering like that in a very long time. I got to see almost all of my favorite people in one place at one time. So yay for that! I got lots of well wishes for my race. </div>
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Saturday morning, it was time to head to Chicago. My nerves were going insane the entire drive. I slept off and on and felt nervous for the rest of the time. I felt like the drive took no time at all and all of a sudden, we were at the expo. Major freak out. I was nervous and anxious and feeling unprepared for the race. I sucked it up and we went and expo-ed for a while. I'd have to say that Chicago is the coolest race expo that I have been to so far. I bought some new shoes and a t-shirt... and some energy gels (because I need them!). We walked around for a while and looked at things. It was truthfully very very fun.</div>
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When we finally decided that it was time to leave the expo, we went to my mom's friend/my godmother's house to spend the night. We sat up chatting for a little while, ate some more birthday cake (!), then got everything together for the race. I was so amazed that it was almost time to run Chicago. I couldn't believe it. I'd put so much into training for the race and it was here. I didn't sleep well at all. I've never been so nervous before a race in my life.<br />
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We got up in the morning and dressed in layers. (It wasn't even 40 degrees out yet! I live in Florida now!) Then we headed to downtown Chicago. We got there super early and went to a McDonald's to use the bathroom and my mom wanted to eat. I was still too nervous. Eventually, we made it to the starting corrals and ended up being some of the first people in the last corral. That was fun. We stood there shivering for a little while. I still was not excited about the race at all. I don't know what the problem was. I was just really nervous about the race and had been for months.<br />
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Finally, it was time to start and things really started moving. When we crossed the start line, I half expected that my mom and I would stay together for a little bit. I turned around after a few minutes and she wasn't there. That was okay though. I felt really strong for the first several miles of the race. I ran my first 5k split at at a 12:33 pace (That's almost a 5k PR for me). My 10k was 14: 02 pace (I stopped for the bathroom right before the 10k mark.) and my 15k was 13:23. I felt SO good for my first half of the race. I actually felt really good until about mile 17.<br />
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Then I ran out of gas. Hit the wall. Whatever.<br />
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I walked several miles after that and kept beating myself up about it. I was exhausted and sick (did I mention that yet? I've been sick for about two weeks now. Awful.), but I kept pushing forward. It eventually hit me that I wasn't going to run a 6 hour marathon. Then I slowed down more.<br />
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I finished in 6:31:45. I'm disappointed. I know that if I hadn't gone so fast out of the gate, I would not have run out of gas and I would have met my goal. Still, I ran a 16 minute PR, so I'm glad for that.<br />
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I did LOVE the race though. It was cold (I ran with my hat and gloves on the entire time), but the city was wonderful. There were SO many people cheering there. It was so fun to run between skyscrapers and to see things in the city that I've been to many times. I love Chicago and I'm glad that I got to have the memory of running in it. I pushed myself harder than I have before (for 17 miles haha.) and felt awesome.<br />
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A few of my favorite things:<br />
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<li>giving children high 5s. I love when kids spectate. I gave MANY children high 5s.</li>
<li>The "Nike Owns Chicago" section of the race. I think it was at 21 or 22. I was drained and my ankle was hurting at that point. Really awesome though! (I half wish I brought a camera.)</li>
<li>Spectators!!!!</li>
<li>"You have stamina! Call me!" Best. Sign. Ever. (Besides "McKayla is not impressed" that I saw at Disneyland.)</li>
<li>Volunteers!! </li>
<li>Best expo I've ever been to. Hands down.</li>
<li>Medical people giving out space blankets at mile 23/24. I needed it. </li>
<li>I got to stand at the finish line and hug my mom when she finished!</li>
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A couple disappointments:</div>
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<li>They ran out of medals before I finished. Bummer. I should be getting mine in the mail soon. (tomorrow?)</li>
<li>Some of the people at the water stations stood waaay to far into the road and crowded it for the runners. </li>
<li>Running out of gas/hitting the wall. Boo. </li>
<li>Hill at mile 26. That hurt my feelings!</li>
<li>Mostly the medal thing.</li>
<li>I had gastrointestinal issues.</li>
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I've only run once since then. I'm trying to get healthier. I've been super sick. I do need to hop into Goofy training though. </div>
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I learned some valuable lessons from this race. I plan to work a little harder at endurance and pacing myself. ..and not eating like crap.</div>
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I can't believe that it's over.</div>
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Goal: 1000 miles/366 days</div>
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So far: 678.06 miles/288 days</div>
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To go: 321.94 miles/78 days</div>
alicia.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05515202435312839597noreply@blogger.com3