I feel like I'm waiting for my muscles to gain strength, but that they aren't getting any stronger. I feel like they are just getting weaker each time that I wake up in the morning... each time that I try to work out again, my muscles fight a little bit harder. I feel like giving up just a little quicker day by day. Maybe I'm not giving myself adequate rest time, but it isn't like I'm going over the top with my workouts at all. ALSO, I'm not losing weight very quickly... which could be due to a number of factors, such as my diet and everything. I'm frustrated with my eating for sure. Though I know all of the good habits and how to follow a healthy lifestyle, I still don't follow the rules. I just feel like it isn't really fair. Whine whine whine. I think that I whine too much in the blog. Maybe in general too. I don't know. Something to think about?
One thing that I'm thinking about doing is actually putting up posters and images of people and things that inspire me. For instance, maybe a triathlon picture on my wall or something like that. I feel like if I surround myself with things that inspire me, I will be better able to find the drive to push through the tough times. I had a pretty motivationless time for a while recently and I'm feeling like I'm getting my drive back. However, I feel like it is possible that I could easily lose my drive again. I want to ensure that I remain positive and focused on my goals.
Also. I'm going to reinstate my old friend the food diary. I don't understand what is so hard about writing down my daily calorie intake every day. I've been pretty good about it and then I quit. I think that it really does make a big difference when there is something that I really want to eat that has way too many fat calories. Bad food & good food, blah blah blah. Why can't I just skip the cheesecake or the Coke on my break and eat carrots. Food is food. It's just such a struggle for me to say no to temptation sometimes, I guess.
I don't want to be deathly thin. I'd actually rather just be in a healthy weight range. I want to be healthy and in shape. I want to be athletic. I want to be a marathoner, triathlete... I don't know why it's so hard to get to the point that I want to be in. Urgh. Actually, I really just want to be able to do a pull up.
I hope that tomorrow I can get over this funk that I'm in. If not tomorrow, then definitely within the next little while. I plan to make a list of all of the things that I can do that will help me to be more motivated. Hopefully so.
Oh. And an update on my ankle... definitely not better. I do NOT want to go back on crutches. I need to be healthy again. I need to get back into running. Need need need. I guess that what I mean by "I need" is that "I'd really like to...."