So I guess I don't have to be disappointed in myself this time. I clearly completely beat my hour time- I ran further than I ran last time in less than an hour. Actually, I ran so hard and so fast that I was near collapse by the end of my run. I think that I might have a problem with perfectionism, which isn't so good, considering that I'm behind in this 1000 miles big goal that I'm working on right now, because I've been focusing so much on school work and applying for graduate schools- not to mention working more than usual lately.
My professor really enjoys talking to me about running. He is excited about a new gym that is being built on campus, because he enjoys doing his running on the track inside. He says that he doesn't think of himself as a runner as much as he did when he was in graduate school and remembers a time when he would run with his classmates several miles every day. He said that, at the end of their route, they would run up a huge, steep hill. I think that might be insane. I would like to get there though. For a professor, he seems to really admire me for my running, but, honestly, I really think that it's awesome that he still runs. Granted, he doesn't run as often as he once did and he doesn't think of himself as a runner anymore. I kind of have some admiration for the fact that he still gets out there and puts in the effort, because I know how hard it is for me sometimes. Anyways, yeah. So he was asking me about my two majors today and how it is to write for my various classes & whatnot. I told him that it can be exhausting... and he said "like a 13 mile run?" haha. I guess it was funny, but it made me think.
I feel like my most exhausting runs have been in my training and not in my races. Is that insane? I guess I don't really know. I feel like when I run the races, I'm able to get myself prepared and I'm not really nervous. Then, when I'm training, it's more about timing and endurance whether than getting everything done. It's weird. I mean, in my two halfs that I have run so far, the hardest part has been the first few miles... especially the one that I ran in November. My first mile was the most tough. Other than that, I feel like my pacing was decent and that I did a pretty good job keeping everything under control. However, when I'm training, I push myself so hard that I feel like I might fall over by the time I get back into my apartment. There's no way that can be exactly healthy, but I can't stop myself. It's some sort of a perfectionism problem. This perfectionism isn't just about running, it leaks into other parts of my life, but I can feel it trying to get into my running habits, too, and I don't think that is a great idea. I'm going to have to try to make a change or something... somehow, someway.
Okay, my run today: it went okay. I ran 4.31 miles in 44 minutes. I ran under ten minute miles for the first three miles... then I ran an 11 minute mile. I beat my personal best three mile time- three miles in 29 minutes and 6 seconds. That's pretty impressive, for me, I guess. I really feel like I need to step it up and do better, run faster. It's difficult for me to feel comfortable with my running habits, because it always feels like it isn't enough. I need to figure out a way to be comfortable with my improvements, because I know they exist. Sometimes, it just does not feel like I am improving quickly enough. However, I do realize that I am improving and no matter how slow-moving it is: an improvement is an improvement. There's something about my cognitive process that I should work on in that regard.
When I finished running today, I literally could hardly move. I squatted down and prayed for a minute, which helped me clear my thoughts and my body calmed down some before I headed up the stairs to my apartment. I was going to lift weights today, but there were two guys lifting in the gym when I was ready and our apartment complex's gym isn't very big. I felt like maybe I should just lift tomorrow. I think that I will.
I guess that's all I have to say. I did pretty well.
Goal: 1000 miles/365 days
So far: 53.79 miles/27 days
To go: 946.21 miles/338 days
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