Sunday, June 5, 2011

running has been a weight off my shoulders...

Good gracious, my body hurts today. I expected to be sore after 10+ hours of work yesterday combined with some exercise and an abundance of stress. However, I didn't expect to be in so much pain. I'm reminded of some of the pain that I was in a few years ago when I weighed 20 pounds more than I do now. I do know that there is still weight that needs to be lost and that I'm definitely not to the point that I need to be at in order to be as healthy as I could be. However, I also hate the feeling that I am in an overwhelming amount of pain that it is hard to walk from my car to my front door. I definitely need to figure out where the pain is coming from. I don't want to be 25 and incapable of movement. That would be awful.

The good news is that the pain isn't to the same extent that it was a few years ago. I used to have to literally crawl to bed after work. That sounds horrendous and I guess that it really was. Thinking back, I guess that I should have gone to the doctor about the pain that I was in. I would have just heard that I needed to lose weight and I have. However, I'm still not even in a healthy weight range. That's scary for someone who hasn't even hit 25 years old yet. Actually, it's terrifying. I look at my family and see obesity running rampant. I don't want that. I already have a diagnosis of epilepsy, a disorder that took my otherwise healthy father's life. I don't want obesity to add to the problems that I'm facing. I can't have that. I'm glad that I've started to make that change, but it is SO frustrating that it isn't easy. The difficulties in my fitness level and my weight loss stress me out more than many other things, besides my GPA. [ha]

I'm just hopeful that I never get to the awful point in which I have to consider weight loss surgery in order to have my health. I'm not at the point right now. Actually, I'm nowhere close. I only have 30 more pounds to lose in order to hit my goal weight. That's not terrible. I'm not terrible far away from being in a "healthy" bmi weight range. That's good news. I can just see a cycle in society and within my own family, which scares the hell out of me. Maybe that's why I turned to running.. as an escape. But that's okay. I mean, hell, if I'm getting healthy, that's what I need. Running has become something of an escape to me, too. I'm glad that I have it, because I do truly enjoy running. I certainly enjoy the endorphins that come from a good long run. I LOVE racing. I love having goals to push myself to. It's fantastic.

That's why my ankle sprain has been so painful [both physically and emotionally]. It really was something that has become a huge part of my life over the past two years. Running changed my life. I just wish I could have it back soon. Actually, I wish I could have it back tomorrow. Now if I could just achieve patience....

1 comment:

  1. I bet you wish you could have it back yesterday! I think part of the pain in the past could have been a little to do with lack of sleep too b/c that's when your muscles do a lot of the healing. Now you have been getting more sleep soemtimes then you did back in high school and some of college because you haven't had to get up super early. I know that it has been hard with your ankle. I wish it would get better.