I don't know why I struggle so much. It's not that I'm lazy per se. I'm doing a million different things, which exhausts me. Maybe it's priorities.
I've heard about having an accountability partner, especially when talking to some of my more religious friends. Many have someone that can be there to support them and keep them going in their spiritual journey. I probably need a spiritual accountability partner, too, but I'm really focusing on exercising right now.
When I'm running, I don't push myself as hard as I could... I don't work to my potential. That's the reality of it. Only once or twice have I actually pushed myself AS HARD as I could possibly push myself. That's sad. I do push myself when I'm lifting weights, sometimes beyond what is neccessary, but I don't lift as often as I have in the past. I've never pushed myself as hard as I could. I guess that is something that I should work on, but I don't trust myself to do it on my own. I set goals for myself and I don't always follow through with them. When I am running, I do combine it with walking. Sometimes, I walk more than I need to. I know that I can push myself further and run harder than I normally do. Maybe I'm lazy. Maybe I'm just struggling. I don't know what the problem is.
I also don't know an easy solution.
I worked out really hard tonight on the Wii... using Wii Active. I pushed myself harder than I have in a long time... I was getting REALLY mad at the game, though. Really mad. I'm exhausted and I smell horrible. My legs feel like jello. I wasn't even going to work out at all today, but I started watching Biggest Loser online, because I don't have cable and didn't watch yesterday. Something about watching clicked something in me, though. Those people are far worse off than I am, but they push themselves a hundred times harder. I guess that's something that I want to work toward.
I do want this. I want to be a runner. I want to push myself. HARD. I want to be able to give it my all without giving up. I want to stop being frustrated with my times, with my weight, with my eating habits. Obviously that takes some changes that I have to make within myself.
I just wish it could be that easy.