time flies.

When did time start to go by so quickly? I worked this morning, came home, ate, watched a movie/worked on homework, worked out, and now it's almost midnight? Seriously? And on top of that, tomorrow is already TUESDAY? I don't get it. How does time go by so quickly? I feel like there needs to be a few extra hours in the day so that I can get more accomplished. I don't feel like I'm that busy of an individual, but somehow, there is never enough time in the day. I still have lots of studying to do for Wednesday, a homework assignment, AND I have two days of training ahead of me. Then back to work I go... and the cycle continues.

Time management is still my big issue, I guess. I'm doing a little bit better, as I am starting to use my calendar to figure out how best to get things accomplished. Now I just have to put my planning into action. It's that separation that always gets to me. Urgh! lol.

I was reading some research articles and was reminded of  how one of my B.A.'s is in English. I found several spelling and grammar errors in the same article. I don't quite understand how that got by the editors. Maybe I should be a copy editor for a research journal... ha. I just have this thought that those in academia should have some understanding of grammar and their native language. Is that too much to ask? Anywaysssss....

I've been noticing at work that a lot of runners like to wear their race shirts after the race- out in public even. Well, naturally, I enjoy wearing my race shirts everywhere that I can. The unfortunate part of that is that many  of my race shirts are long sleeved and now that I live in Florida... there is only a limited time of the year that I can logically wear them. Unless I turn up my air conditioning REALLY high and then pretend I'm back in Indiana for the spring, fall, or winter. Good idea?

I'm excited to be able to hit the gym tomorrow and Wednesday. I don't know how I will find the time to get everything done that I need to get done between now and Thursday when I go back to work again, but somehow... there has to be away! It's almost like I went back a year to my schedule that I was in when I had three part time jobs and went to school as an undergraduate, except now it's one part time job that is extremely exhausting and only one summer class... and I'm trying to exercise more. Maybe it's the exercise. I don't know. It just feels like time has shortened in the last year. Hmm...

I did a pretty good job eating today. I actually didn't use my food journal, oopsies. I'm going to figure out how many calories that I actually consumed before I go to bed, but I watched what I ate and didn't go too out of control... I think. ;) My dinner was colorful, though, which is usually a positive thing. (unless it's like... a pizza or something with extra grease. oh gross.)

Allllrighty. Well, I'll have something new and exciting to talk about tomorrow evening after my gym date and Biggest Loser! Woo hoo!

trying to find motivation. again.

I feel like I'm waiting for my muscles to gain strength, but that they aren't getting any stronger. I feel like they are just getting weaker each time that I wake up in the morning... each time that I try to work out again, my muscles fight a little bit harder. I feel like giving up just a little quicker day by day. Maybe I'm not giving myself adequate rest time, but it isn't like I'm going over the top with my workouts at all. ALSO, I'm not losing weight very quickly... which could be due to a number of factors, such as my diet and everything. I'm frustrated with my eating for sure. Though I know all of the good habits and how to follow a healthy lifestyle, I still don't follow the rules. I just feel like it isn't really fair. Whine whine whine. I think that I whine too much in the blog. Maybe in general too. I don't know. Something to think about?

One thing that I'm thinking about doing is actually putting up posters and images of people and things that inspire me. For instance, maybe a triathlon picture on my wall or something like that. I feel like if I surround myself with things that inspire me, I will be better able to find the drive to push through the tough times. I had a pretty motivationless time for a while recently and I'm feeling like I'm getting my drive back. However, I feel like it is possible that I could easily lose my drive again. I want to ensure that I remain positive and focused on my goals.

Also. I'm going to reinstate my old friend the food diary. I don't understand what is so hard about writing down my daily calorie intake every day. I've been pretty good about it and then I quit. I think that it really does make a big difference when there is something that I really want to eat that has way too many fat calories. Bad food & good food, blah blah blah. Why can't I just skip the cheesecake or the Coke on my break and eat carrots. Food is food. It's just such a struggle for me to say no to temptation sometimes, I guess.

I don't want to be deathly thin. I'd actually rather just be in a healthy weight range. I want to be healthy and in shape. I want to be athletic. I want to be a marathoner, triathlete... I don't know why it's so hard to get to the point that I want to be in. Urgh. Actually, I really just want to be able to do a pull up.

I hope that tomorrow I can get over this funk that I'm in. If not tomorrow, then definitely within the next little while. I plan to make a list of all of the things that I can do that will help me to be more motivated. Hopefully so.

Oh. And an update on my ankle... definitely not better. I do NOT want to go back on crutches. I need to be healthy again. I need to get back into running. Need need need. I guess that what I mean by "I need" is that "I'd really like to...."

another day another workout

I am getting pretty good at working out at home with my weights. I've been calling to mind some of my old work outs from w hen I was on the swim team in high school. I don't know why I have been so exhausted lately... it's been a struggle to just stay awake for normal hours, let alone to actually get myself to go to the gym. That has been impossible. I have just been exhausted lately.

I'm going to try to work out a physical schedule for my life starting next week... a schedule that I can actually get things done without worrying about the process of doing it. I need to get things done rather than to just talk about getting things done, which I have been doing.  With school, work, and exercise, I have been totally worn out every day... and it's just going to get worse as summer gets more intense. There are ways to lessen stress levels, which is really important. My stress level has been riding high for a long time. It's something that I have sort of accepted, but that's not okay.

Today at work, I was a stocker. That was tough. I was constantly running around trying to get stuff, but there was always something else needed. Constantly... all day long. I felt like I was working out just walking back and forth everywhere in the place. What a day.

I'm reading a book right now in the Sookie Stackhouse series... when I was reading the books last year, I got really overwhelmed with it and had vampire dreams. However, right now I'm having dreams about work, which shows the exhaustion that I'm dealing with. After I finish the book though, I'm definitely going to read one of my many accumulated running books. I could use some inspiration for sure.

At least I'm in a better mood than I was in yesterday. Ha. That's something. Only two more days of work until my Friday (which means training, homework, and class! lol...)

today is almost yesterday..

TODAY.

Today was just another day. I really wanted to go to the gym, but instead I took a nap after work. I'm pretty disappointed about it, but what the hell... I guess I just needed the sleep. I feel like I've fallen behind in a lot of ways lately- sleep, reading, socialization, money... it's been rough. So yeah. I slacked a little bit.

Tonight for dinner we had turkey tacos. Yum! ...and semi healthy. I was thinking about how I used to eat TONS of food and when I would have cow [beef] tacos, I'd fill my tacos up all of the way. Today however, I listened to my stomach and stopped eating when I was full. Yeah me!

This is.. day four of thirty one days of consecutive exercise. Today I did some drills that I learned from Mark and pushed myself pretty much to my limit. However, most of my focus was on arms again. I need to learn some at home leg exercises I guess. I did do some crunches. I definitely need to switch it up though soon. I have some books about exercise that I want to read.

I want to do this, I want to do that. Time management will be the death of me, I swear. I need to figure out better how to figure out what is most important and execute my activities due to that. Something for me to work on, I guess.

Tomorrow my mom has a half marathon! I'm super jealous. It's been way too long since I've raced... and subsequently too long since I've run. I wish it could be easier. I guess I'm going to have to go get my ankle looked at again, because I just feel like a sprain would not take this long to heal.

Well, tomorrow is another repeat of today, which was a pseudo repeat of yesterday, so off to bed I go.

This is my mom and I at the Disney World half marathon in January.

grumpy. :(

Today was super stressful. I'm actually really glad that I got up early in order to work out rather than to wait until after work becauase... it's close to 11 and I just got home. I ended up working late and my body hurts from being at work for close to 12 hours.

Anyways, I got up early and lifted weights for about 25 minutes & then did some wall sits and planks. It was a fairly easy work out, but the good news is that I DID it. I got myself up and exercised when I really just wanted to roll over and turn my alarm off. In a sense, I started my day off right by doing that, because I had a positive attitude when I got to work (after my break was an hour late, my positive mood disappeared, but that's a different story) and I actually ate really healthily today.

I've struggled a lot with healthy eating. I mean, I know what is good and I know what is bad... and I know how many calories I should eat and so on and so forth. I definitely have the knowledge. However, having the knowledge and doing the right thing are two completely different issues. That's where my problem lies. It's really tough for me to be able to cross into DOING rather than just knowing. When I work 12 hours... I really want to stop and get some fast food on my way home. Today I didn't, although I really wanted to. I could go for some french fries and chicken nuggets! However, my sweet roommate made me some fish and a small baked potato while I was driving home, because she is awesome (and she knew I was in a bad mood)! I'm really thankful for that.

Tomorrow will be a new day. I really hope I can run in the next two weeks.

Day Two of one month challenge

My ankle's progress: no progress at all.
Today's work out: okay.

This is day TWO of my one month of working out every day. It went okay, I guess. I wasn't that entusiastic about going to the gym today, because I didn't get a whole lot of sleep last night. However, I made a commitment and I definitely intended and still intend to keep to my promise to myself. Since I promised it too all of you loyal blog readers, I guess that I will intend to keep the promise to you as well. :) ha.

First, I did some weight lifting exercises. I should have taken my camera in order to fully show my work out of the day, but alas, I did not. However, Google Images is here to help out in a crisis.

I spent about 30-40 minutes lifting weights. I tried to push myself to my limit without hurting myself. I attempted to use my knowledge that I picked up from my training sessions in order to really exert myself to the fullest. I really struggled with one particular machines. I felt like my arms were getting stronger until yesterday, which was "upper body day" with my trainer. The machine that I really struggled with was a bicep machine, which was also something that I had a hard time with yesterday. I don't know why my biceps are so weak. I guess it's something that I'm going to have to focus on.

I've noticed that, in my training,  I have been focusing on specific muscles each day. I've never really done that while working out by myself. It might be something for me to think about though... or at least look into. Maybe if I specifically focus on legs one day and arms another day... then core a third day, that can help me to equalize my work outs so that one part of my body doesn't get left out. I don't know though. I guess that I don't know a whole lot about exercise in general, beyond running.

I do want to expand my knowledge base though.

After I finished lifting, I went down to the pool. I really wanted to do some cardio- biking or running as well as going to the pool, but I had to cut something out. Unfortunately, I left later than I should have in order to get everything done that I wanted to have done and still make it to class. I chose to not cut out my first day of class, so something else had to go. This time, I cut out the cardio. Yesterday, my healing ankle tendons popped when I was trying to put my shoes on, so they are not feeling too good today. Sadly for me, that means putting off running even longer than before.

Actually, I'm pissed about it. I haven't run in months and I feel like I lost a part of my identity. Fortunately, it's a part of my identity that I know that I can regain. I just have to be careful about it. I definitely don't want to lose running for ever and I am a little concerned that I will just get pissed off and go for a run. That would be an unhealthy choice... yet something completely within my personality. We will see.

I did not count my laps at the pool today, though I wish I had. I probably swam something around 1000 or 1200 meters, which wasn't quite what I usually do, but, again, I had class tonight and was crunched for time. I ended up in a lane between two really fast, really amazing male swimmers. They probably swam two laps for my every half lap. I would have stopped and stared, but I feel like that would have been awkward.

SO: in conclusion, I went to the gym for about an hour and a half... lifted weights and swam. Tomorrow I work from 10:30 am to 9:30 pm so the gym is a little bit out of the question. Instead, I will be pulling out my Wii and playing Wii Biggest Loser Challenge in honor of the Biggest Loser finale next Tuesday.

 [this is my shameless plug to everyone: VOTE FOR IRENE.]

Well... that's it. Thanks for enjoying my blog. Or not enjoying it. Or... whatever.

I am CHANGING........

For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to do something BIG with my life. I remember being in first grade and planning my run for President. I also wanted to be the first female Major League Baseball player, while writing lots of inspirational novels, and changing the world like Mother Theresa. So now, I sit here, 24 years old... not in the Major Leagues and definitely not Mother Theresa. I have started two novels, but haven't finished them. I also am over 10 years away from a possible run for Presidency. So what am I doing with my life?

I feel like I'm at a crossroads. I don't really know what I'm doing with my life sometimes. I don't know where to begin or where I'm headed. I just know that I still want to do big things. So I'm going to try to change my blog a little bit. I started it to share my journey to 1000 miles in a year, which I didn't quite meet, because of a number of reasons. However, I think that I want to ensure that I continue my journey towards HEALTH. In my research (ha. Now I for sure sound like a graduate student..), I have started to fully understand how important it is to not "diet" and to focus on a lifestyle change. That is something that I really need to work on. I haven't been obsessed with dieting, I guess, but I have a tough time looking at things as exercise and healthy eating as a life change. I have often considered it as more something that I can quit or move on from.

So in that case, I'm making a few short and long term goals.

• 30 minutes of exercise daily for the next month.
• actually my long term goal is to work out at least 5 days a week for the remainder of the summer.
• Find a triathlon for next summer. I am pretty positive that I will be able to find one either in Florida or in Indiana so that I either don't have to travel for or will be able to (hopefully) have family there.
• Run again. Although my ankle isn't so sure about my running goals, I need to start running again. Maybe just a few short runs to start off, but I really need to run again. I miss it. :(
• Meet with a dietician on campus. I can see one for free as a student and I think it could be really useful.

Non fitness goals:

• Join a softball league. I've wanted to join one for more than a year now. I played softball for most of my childhood until I graduated high school. I really miss it and, though I never was very good, I think it is something I want to do again. I've looked into it briefly since I moved, but I never really found anything. That's something that I want to do with Katherine if at all possible. 
• Blog every day.
• Study for at least one hour a day. I need to make sure that my GPA is as good as it can be, because I KNOW that if I push myself really hard, I can accomplish things.
• Read for fun. :) and for learning.
• Swim regularly. For real. I miss swimming and Florida is so sunshiney and I feel like I just don't take advantage of it.
• Write!!!

I feel like I am changing quite a lot since I started working out with Mark. He really has pushed me pretty hard. My training sessions are tough, which I anticipated,  but I definitely did not think about how my body would feel afterwards. Though my weight loss is slooow, it is there, and my body is definitely changing, which I love. I feel a little bit stronger.. it hasn't even been a month or anything, but I'm happy about my progress thus far. Today was definitely a HARD session, but I did it!

Physically, I'm changing. I need to change my mindset too. I have to figure out a way that my mind can start to think in more positive ways and that I can look at things differently. It's definitely something that I need to work towards, because I have a very negative attitude sometimes. I hope that I can get there...

I feel like some of my goals are reachable, but it will be really hard. I want to be something that people can look up to, which is something that I don't feel like I have right now. I want to be an inspiration. :)