lots of excitement.

Exciting news:

• I finished my first semester of graduate school! It was quite a relief actually. Ever since I decided to apply to graduate programs, I worried that I wasn't ready yet. When I got accepted, I was relieved temporarily, but when I started this semester, my worries exploded. I felt like I wasn't quite intelligent enough for graduate school and thought that I'd be kicked out by the end of the first semester. My GPA is actually higher than any one semester that I had as an undergrad. Now I can stop worrying and actually focus.
• I wrote the best paper that I've ever written. I got a high A on it and am really impressed with what I did. I worked harder on that assignment than I've ever worked on anything.
• School is over for the semester! I can read whatever I want for three entire weeks!
• I started my new job and finished my training.
• I watched Biggest Loser season 10 from start to finish. It was really inspiring.
• Rejoined Weight Watchers, committed myself to my health again, not just my running. I've begun to lose weight again. I'm very excited to not be "overweight" anymore.
• I have had some great work outs this week. Working out is incredible. I feel great (and sore and exhausted... haha.)

I just finished reading "Unbearable Lightness" by Portia de Rossi. As I have struggled with some similar problems with disordered eating and thinking. I have not dealt with it to the same extremes as Portia, but I have had some unhealthy behaviors, including purging and starving myself. I have struggled with weight problems since I was in middle school, when food became my comfort. When I got to high school, a close friend of mine really pushed weight loss. She would buy diet pills and hide them from her parents, taking them regularly. She would starve herself. She was obsessed with her weight and I became obsessed, too. I've had a lot of emotional problems for many years, and weight has just been a part of it. I'm really thankful that I've learned healthy ways to deal with my emotions, though I'm still struggling with living a more healthy lifestyle.

Reading memoirs that I can relate to, like "Unbearable Lightness" really fuels my passion and desire to write my own memoir. I have an endless number of stories that I can tell... and sometimes I feel like my stories will help someone in the ways that the stories of other people have helped me.

Anyways, I had a good run today and I'm very excited about it. I have to work tomorrow, so I won't have quite as much time to run, as it will be getting dark fairly soon after I get home. However, I'm back on track with my working out in other ways, so I'll be able to change it up a little.

Oh! And I can finally read some of my Runner's World magazines, because I have free time! Very exciting.

time juggling

January is right around the corner.
In a little over a month, classes will be starting again, Christmas will be over... and I will have run my first full marathon.

Right now, I don't feel prepared. I feel stressed, overwhelmed, nervous, excited, glad, anticipatory... I am a jumble of emotions, I suppose. It's getting hard to train while working and worrying about school. I'm doing better with my training than I have been in the past few months. I'm actually making time for it... at least I'm trying to.

I've also made some changes in my habits. I rejoined Weight Watchers on Tuesday. I've been exercising more. I bought really healthy food yesterday. I stopped eating fast food again. I feel like slight changes will make a difference. I'm hoping that I get better into shape, because it's something that I definitely need to be getting more serious about.

The semester is so close to done. I have one huge paper to write and a presentation to work on for this week... then a take home final to work on for the week after. As soon as Monday is over and I have my test turned in, I think that I will feel a lot better about how much time I can devote to running. I'm going to do some major training over winter break... all I will have will be work... no classes, so that will be really exciting.

I don't know how people find time for so many activities in their lives. I'm not trying to juggle too much, but sometimes the little that I am trying to do can be overwhelming.